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    #1

    Officiating Weddings

    So a friend of mine is getting married in a year and we've been planning for me to officiate it for the last couple years. Now I'm starting to get nervous. What am I supposed to wear? What should me attitude be? Formal or friendly or a cross between the two?

    I know in Iowa the online thing I signed up for is legal, so that's not a problem. I spent a month tracking down the right people to ask the right questions in order to be sure. And I know I legally have to ask the do you take so and so to be such and such questions in order for it to be legal.

    Anyone have experience doing anything like this?
    We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

    I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
    It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
    Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
    -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

    Service to your fellows is the root of peace.
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    #2
    Re: Officiating Weddings

    what kind od wedding is she having? what does SHE want you to wear and say, etc? I'd just plan it *with* them, you know?
    Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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      #3
      Re: Officiating Weddings

      I think you should just ask her.

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        #4
        Re: Officiating Weddings

        Originally posted by Shahaku View Post
        SWhat should me attitude be? Formal or friendly or a cross between the two?
        The best weddings I've seen are ones that are a cross between the two, with a bit of leaning more to the formal side - formal, but not cold/impersonal, you know?

        Other than that? Ask the couple getting married, they're really the only ones who can give you the information you need. They can help you with what to wear - which all depends on what sort of wedding they are having.. how traditional, is there a theme, how formal, so on. Also they can tell you if they have specific words they'd like said during the ceremony - or at least be able to point you in the right direction so you can look for something, then check it with them. They're the ones planning and setting the mood of the wedding, so even if they don't have hard details about these things worked out, you ask them in general about the wedding and it will give you an idea of where to start.
        Hearth and Hedge

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          #5
          Re: Officiating Weddings

          I think Gardenia is right on this one. It is their wedding and they are going to know what is appropriate for the wedding. Ask them how formal you should dress, colors to wear, and etc. And as for the ceremony part ask them about that too. They might enjoy writing out everything you have to say during the ceremony; I know I did when I got married. My sister performed it and was very glad I wrote it all out for her. Don't forget to go over it and ask as many questions as possible! Never wait until the last minute to make sure you know what you are supposed to be saying, where to stand, and extra. This is why a rehearsal should be done in advance so that you can adjust things. Also make sure to go to the location the wedding will be held at in advance so you will have an idea of how the whole thing will play out. And make sure they don't forget to get the wedding certificate part. I know it Texas you have to pick one up 3 days in advance to the wedding date and it must be turned in before 30 days and it can only be picked up by the couple getting married. So make sure you and they know how that works in your state. I know of a lot of weddings where the couple didn't know that and it "ruined" their whole wedding plans.

          And don't worry. You'll do great! Good luck!

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            #6
            Re: Officiating Weddings

            We have talked about it some, and have even looked at some dresses. We know that we want my outfit to be one color, and most likely black. But sometimes, I'm not too sure that they know what they want. They haven't had too much time to sit down and talk it out. Her hubby to be is a Marine and they've basically been in a long distance relationship since they decided to get married. We do plan to sit down and talk it out at some point, but I was just wondering if anyone had experience of the officiant being a close friend or relative.
            We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

            I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
            It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
            Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
            -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

            Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

            Comment

              #7
              Re: Officiating Weddings

              One thing that often goes well is a "stole." If you search "clergy stoles" on eBay, you'll get an idea of the kinds which are available, and Azure Green carries a few (including an 'interfaith stole') for Pagans. Even if you are wearing just a simple ordinary suit, placing a stole (with Pagan symbols on it, or plain) around your neck does indeed make significant changes.

              For official functions, you would want what's called a "preaching stole" length one, which basically comes down somewhere around one's knees.

              The "visiting stole" (a.k.a. pocket stole) goes down to around the bottom of one's rib cage, and is used when one is making official calls on anyone in need or when "off duty" and called into impromptu service should you be called on to provide aid or comfort.

              The middle-length stoles come down to below one's waist -- as far as I can tell are sort of meant to indicate that one is "on duty" but is not anticipating having to do any full-blown big rituals without notice.

              But if one's garb or vestments for any particular ritual are pretty-damned gaudy and ostentatious in the first place, wearing any kind of stole may not work at all.

              (and there are kinds of stoles meant for choirs, too)
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