Our second child is due any day now. My family (with my mother in the lead) is very excited for the baby's arrival and, as with the last child, I've ceased to exist as anything but a pregnant belly and all talk is about the baby - which I don't really mind, as long as no one forgets the big brother. I'm worried because he's not going to appreciate the intruder at all...
But the issue that we're dealing with right now is that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to tell anyone when I go into labor except - obviously - my husband and midwife and the babysitter (who is likely to be my mother-in-law). Although this isn't sitting well with my mother and grandmother, only my mother has brought it up as an issue (my grandmother did tell me that she would like to be there but she didn't push me about it).
I've tried to explain that my decision is based solely on what I think will provide the best atmosphere for me to have a good birth experience because 1) I don't want anyone worrying over me, as it will only make me worry myself, and 2) I don't want any distractions or anyone asking about my progress - chances are things will be moving slow enough without having to say, "No, nothing has changed yet" for what seems like the millionth time. I have also explained that it's not a decision meant to exclude anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but something I'm doing because I feel it is best for myself, my husband and our daughter. It's not personal - I'm doing what I feel I have to, and having a VBAC and, hopefully, an HBAC, is extremely important to me; too important to sacrifice it for someone else.
But she's taking it personally, and is in tears about it. I've been trying to focus on staying positive and having a good birth plan, but all I can think about is how to appease her. This is supposed to be about myself and my child, but now it's about her. She's becoming manipulative about it, crying and telling me how devastated she's going to be, but I don't know what to tell her. I'm not changing my mind about this unless I get into labor and decide I want my family to know - and I doubt that's going to happen. The problem is that I don't know how to do what I think will work best for me without causing a big to-do over it. I just want to focus on my little family instead of the social drama.
Is it wrong to want to give birth in private? Am I taking something away from the family if I just wait until she's here to announce it?
But the issue that we're dealing with right now is that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to tell anyone when I go into labor except - obviously - my husband and midwife and the babysitter (who is likely to be my mother-in-law). Although this isn't sitting well with my mother and grandmother, only my mother has brought it up as an issue (my grandmother did tell me that she would like to be there but she didn't push me about it).
I've tried to explain that my decision is based solely on what I think will provide the best atmosphere for me to have a good birth experience because 1) I don't want anyone worrying over me, as it will only make me worry myself, and 2) I don't want any distractions or anyone asking about my progress - chances are things will be moving slow enough without having to say, "No, nothing has changed yet" for what seems like the millionth time. I have also explained that it's not a decision meant to exclude anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but something I'm doing because I feel it is best for myself, my husband and our daughter. It's not personal - I'm doing what I feel I have to, and having a VBAC and, hopefully, an HBAC, is extremely important to me; too important to sacrifice it for someone else.
But she's taking it personally, and is in tears about it. I've been trying to focus on staying positive and having a good birth plan, but all I can think about is how to appease her. This is supposed to be about myself and my child, but now it's about her. She's becoming manipulative about it, crying and telling me how devastated she's going to be, but I don't know what to tell her. I'm not changing my mind about this unless I get into labor and decide I want my family to know - and I doubt that's going to happen. The problem is that I don't know how to do what I think will work best for me without causing a big to-do over it. I just want to focus on my little family instead of the social drama.
Is it wrong to want to give birth in private? Am I taking something away from the family if I just wait until she's here to announce it?
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