How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

[Roknrol]

Another member had seen my post in Gesh's QDJ thread (regarding finding happiness) and in all seriousness asked me how I did it. Many of you may not find any value in this - sucks to be you - some of you may only get out of it what you expect to. Obviously, YMMV...I can't presume to know what would make everyone here happy, all I can really do is relate the process that I took (some intentionally, some completely by accident) in the hopes that perhaps you can get something out of it. Otherwise it's a moderately interesting story about someone that went from Chronic Depression to Happily smoking Chronic (I say, I say, that's a joke son).

I will TRY to be brief, but please understand that this is a huge topic and quite a bit of time took place from beginning to end. Not only that, but I don't believe that any one thing actually has made me happy, but the application of all of it (and the process that got me here) seems to have worked so far. I have a few caveats before I get started:
* As I said, YMMV...I'm no guru, I'm no spiritual leader, and I'm not excessively intelligent. I'm just a pretty normal guy (for a given definition of "normal", but that's pretty close to most of the folks here )
* Some of you will never be happy. That sucks, but that's what makes the odds the odds. If you can't see the path or see the route, or if you refuse to accept the realities of life, I am unable to help you. At all
* For those of you that know me well, you're going to get a lot of information you already had. For those of you that don't know me at all (and don't care about my past), you should probably stop reading now because...well...you're not going to get much out of it.
* My process is certainly not a roadmap to happiness. It's more of a generalized pointing with "somewhere over there" being the destination. How you get there really doesn't matter as long as you aren't fucking other people over. While I no longer believe in Karma, I do believe that sometimes douchbags get what they have coming to them...and I don't have sympathy for those sorts
* I write. A LOT. Those of you that know me are used to my novels. The rest of you may be in for a shock.

So with that, I need to give y'all a bit of background. I'll try to keep it mostly brief, but if anyone has questions (or needs clarification) just ask...I'm trying to make it a habit to show up and respond to posts

Born -> Raised Christian until I became born again at 15 -> Became Pagan in my early 20's -> Became Atheist about 6 years or so ago. Started smoking pot around the same time, but I don't think those two things are related. Everything prior to about 3 years ago was not happy. Sometimes, of course, and I've always been quick to laugh, but a momentary chuckle is a damn far cry from being happy.

I think, probably the best place to start is to say that, altering emotional states isn't something I'm unfamiliar with. For a very long time (from about 14 until I was in my late 20's) I was dealing with Chronic Depression among other things. I managed to kick that habit to the curb eventually (which is recorded elsewhere on the Forum, I'm sure), which taught me a very simple (yet very rigid) rule: Emotions are largely a matter of habit. If you spend most of your time being angry and finding reasons to be angry, you will find that anger comes far quicker (and easier) than other emotions (BTW, this is actual science here, so if someone needs me to back it up just let me know - it's biology). The same if you're dealing with Depression or Anxiety or a host of other issues: If you are usually ____________, then __________ will become your de-facto response to stimulii. Recognizing this (and maybe understanding it more fundamentally) is a huge part of the process. Why? Well, because until you know that a thing can be done - especially if you're prone to depression or anxiety - then your assumption is that it can't be done. Or that it can't be done by you. But I disagree, and am living proof

ANYWAY, this was something I learned over a decade ago and I have found it to be supremely true. I learned it to escape my depression, confirmed it later with medical professionals, and have continued to prove it every year that I get better. (Oh, I hear you saying, "But if you're happy, what could be better?" - there is ALWAYS room for improvement. If there's not room for improvement you're not thinking hard enough). This, I think, was the start of something significant for me. No longer was I bound by the chains of depression. Instead I was bound by anger (but hey, it gives you great energy and focus!)

For quite a few years my wife and I struggled to become "Professionals". We went to school, we busted our humps for 16 hours a day and a pittance of pay. We worked on-call for the most obnoxious people. Yeah, we played that game. And it sort of worked for us - we had a nice house in Vegas and we were making pretty good money. We still weren't happy, but we had managed to trade our "old" lives for a better quality of misery. During this time I discovered marijuana, and while I grant that it's not for everyone, it certainly helped me get to a "better place". I found myself being far less angry with people and situations...it definitely took the edge off (and I don't think it's made me markedly dumber, either, but someone else would have to judge that).

So during our professional careers (and yes, we're still professional, but it's on better terms now), we found that we had oodles of money to have fun with, but we were so stressed that no matter what it was we did, we were still pretty miserable. We could go out and enjoy ourselves for our evening, but once we got back home it was misery again. Both of us worked extra hours at work because we were so stressed all of the time we figured we should at least make it pay off for us (financially, because you won't get a damn thing else busting your ass for a boss). We had money, but we also had misery. Thing were not grand. Then, of course, I lost my job. That somehow didn't really make things better (but it did - read on! )

Before I get to the next bit, I have to relay something else to you (I'm trying to keep this mostly chronological, sorry for jumping around). I have a good friend - we'll call him Tim (mainly because that's his name). This is a man who has "done" and "been". He has grabbed phenomenal opportunities to "do stuff" (and he's worked very hard to do them too), and as a result he was in the Peace Corps, exploring the world. I envied the shit out of him, and told him so when I talked to him on the phone (shortly after losing my job). I said, "Tim, I envy the crap out of you." And he freaked right the hell out (after all, we're good friends - there's no need for that kind of talk ) "Dude, don't envy me! Why do you envy me?" (because he's as curious as he is intelligent). I said, "You have had this great life...you've been a DJ, you've lived in something like 20 different countries." I said, "I know your family - you didn't do all of these things because you had a silver spoon shoved up your ass...you did them because you were smart enough and brave enough to do them."

He said, "Brave enough?"
I said, "You have no idea. My entire life I have shied away from things that I wanted to do out of fear. You pack up your shit and head to the airport with a plane ticket to somewhere that nobody has heard of, not knowing the language or the culture, and you take off without any fear." I said, "That is why I envy you."

I could hear the embarrassment in his voice when he said, "Dude, every single time I'm in the airport waiting for a flight I'm a coin toss away from turning around and heading home. I'm terrified every single time I fly."

And with that, the stage was set...

So a few years ago, miserable little me was unemployed and pissed about it. Obviously, I'm upset because my wife is now working to support me and we're still struggling. I was upset that I wasn't able to find other work (I really wasn't that upset about losing the job itself - just losing the money). I was irritated on top of it all because I *finally* wasn't working on-call. I *finally* didn't have to be tied to my damn phone 24/7. And I didn't have any damned money to enjoy the freedom....yeah, I was annoyed.

I spoke to my wife and said, "This sucks! I finally have a ton of time on my hands (while I'm looking for work, which I can do from my damn cell phone), but I don't have any money to do anything. I've wanted to do a road trip for AGES and now we don't have any money."
She said, "Road trip? On your motorcycle? Where do you want to go?"
I said, "Nowhere in particular...it's the principle of the thing, you know?"
And she said, "We have credit cards, gas is cheap and so is camping out. Have fun."
I asked, "Where should I go?"
And she said, "Wherever you want." (my wife is so f-ing awesome sometimes)

So for my birthday that year I left Vegas with a bag of clothes, some water, food, emergency items and the like, and I set off to see the world. I had almost no plan (as evidenced that I made it less than 25% of the way through my planned trip), but I didn't care. I wanted to be on the road and away from everything that was pissing me off.

It worked.

Do NOT jump to conclusions. I was still not "happy", although I enjoyed the shit out of the trip. Stick with me here.

So during my trip I had a lot of great experiences (and some not so great ones), most of which I won't recount here, although a few different things did happen that I think pertain to the topic at hand.

* Learn to appreciate what's around you. Recognize that it's a beautiful day outside when you're stuck in traffic. For most of my life I ignored the world around me because I was stuck inside my own head. My trip showed me that something can be beautiful and completely unattached to my piddling lot in life.
* People can be happy anywhere, under the most horrible circumstances. I met people on the streets, I met cops, I met professionals, I met tourists, I met foreigners, I met the wealthy and I met the dead broke. The one thing that they had in common was that most of them were mostly miserable. What I did not anticipate though, was that the happiest people that I met were oftentimes those with the least amount of money/stuff. They were satisfied, and as satisfied people they were able to appreciate what the rest of us take for granted every single day: Life.
* No matter how good you're doing now, or how good you've done in the past, it can disappear in an instant. It may or may not have anything to do with your actions, but it can be gone faster than you can count how fast it's leaving. I met a guy in a homeless shelter - another geek, another professional, and one that got totally fucked by the system (not intentionally - he was just one of those that fell through the cracks), but essentially one mistake from this guy cost him his job while he got sent to jail for 2 years...and while he was in jail his wife died. When he got out, he had precisely what they took from him when he went to jail, and not a dime more. So everything is transient (or has the ability to be transient), remember that.
* Damn near everyone smokes weed. I didn't go more than 24 hours without some random stranger offering a toke...I never would have guessed it otherwise.

Ok, that being said...I finished my trip, and we moved to Portland, OR. When we moved, my wife and I spent quite a bit of time talking about "life" stuff. Making changes for the better. Improving our situation...the usual stuff. We decided that we would no longer allow FEAR to rule our lives. We were going to DO stuff...fun stuff, stupid stuff, exciting stuff...our lives are nothing more than our experiences, after all...do you want your only experiences to be stuck behind a desk at work? Of course not...so we decided to do fun stuff. We solidified our resolve by jumping off of a 190 foot bridge tied to a giant rubber band.

That kicked things into gear for the happiness train (although there has been a lot more since then). The first thing we had to do was to make room in our budget for "doing stuff". Granted, there are a lot of cheap things that we enjoy doing - things like camping and fishing and such, as well as the usual "fun" stuff...carnivals and fairs, swap meets, concerts, stand up, the list goes on for days. But we wanted to make sure that we were doing "big" stuff occasionally. The very first chance we had for a vacation, we took a trip to Boston (we had never been) and we played tourist for a week. Was loads of fun, learned a lot about history, and I learned that driving in Boston is a bad idea.

The following year we went to Costa Rica (a significantly scarier trip, but infinitely worth it). This year we'll be jumping out of a plane. We're doing stuff

<continued as soon as I can make a new post - someone reply! >

[Roknrol]

How to be Happy: Season Finale (as told by Rok)

Ok, due to character posting limitations on the board and nobody being logged in right now to help out, this is option #2 - mods, feel free to merge this and that (and feel free to raise the character limit if y'all want me to post like I do )

<And now, the exciting conclusion...>

Of course, as this story progresses I'm finding little ways to "be" happy. Recognizing that bad news doesn't have to be awful is a start. Learning to react appropriately to situations (internally as well as externally) helps. I've found that my ability to empathize has helped a bit too, as it prevents me from making a big deal out of little problems that other people cause.

And now...I'm off the thread. That's pretty much everything that I *experienced* that helped point me in the right direction. Happiness, as I experience it, is largely internal...the trappings of my journey are just that - trappings, details. It's how we feel about our experiences that matters.

And for my "big finish", I have one more story for you, it's one that I told to my sister a while back.

We have a friend of the family - he was actually a friend of my father's, who, back in the 60's (if I remember correctly) designed and invented the Borning Bed (sp?). You know the beds that women give birth in now, the ones with the stirrups, back support, and ability to move the bed around a bit to make mommy more comfortable? Well, prior to this friend of the family women gave birth squatting or lying flat on a normal bed. So our family friend invented this bed in my dad's garage. While we haven't seen any proceeds from it, he still keeps in touch with my family (and he is a RICH mofo). Anyway, I said all of that to say what I told my sister:

"Do you know what the difference is between people like you, and people like <friend of family>?"
"He's rich?"
I said, "He wasn't always rich, try again."
She said, "I don't know."
I said, "There is no difference between people like him (and Tim), and people like us. The only difference - the only REAL difference - is that they are either not afraid, or that they do not let their fear drive them."

This is the short version folks (for those that have stuck with me this far, Thanks!) : You can live in fear, or you can live. When I'm 80 years old, I don't want to look back on my life and think about all of the things that I might have done, or that I could have done. I want to look back and reminisce about the things that I DID. There are *always* things to be afraid of, and many of them you can do nothing about ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjI8AxZnrx8 ), but every time you let your fear prevent you from doing something that you want to do, realize that you are missing a prime opportunity to do the human thing and LIVE

(caveat: Sometimes fear is driven by intelligence - for example, jumping out of a plane without a parachute might be great fun, but if you're stupid enough to try it you get *exactly* what you're entitedl to. Don't be retarded, and take life as it comes...LIVE it for crissakes, because if anyone else is going to do it they'll be doing it for themselves, not for you.)


*** Sorry for how messy it is...it's been a long time since I've done this sort of writing, this is following a long graveyard shift, I was interrupted by a phone call, and I have not yet smoked any pot I'm done for now - questions comments or concerns? Drop 'em in the thread

[Dez]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Last time we talked, you were getting ready for that motorcycle drive up the coast.

This whole post just made me smile like crazy, for the record.

[Roknrol]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

There is so much more to say :-/ After I finished posting that I thought about all of the things I forgot - like living life for yourself, not for other people. I'm not talking about being selfish and hoarding your money or anything like that, I'm talking about being comfortable in your own skin (after all, you're not going to get another) and doing what you think is right for your reasons. And in being ok with that, I guess

Dez: Glad I could improve your day

[iflewoverthecuckoosnest]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Thanks for this post, Roknrol

[ChainLightning]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

I finally sat down to read your brief missive, here, Rok.

Well spoke! Including the addendum regarding comfort in one's skin.



Kudos, too, btw!

[Roknrol]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Like I said, I miffed it. What's up there isn't even a 10th of what I have to say on the topic, because I attribute my happiness to being in the right place in my head, and so many different things contributed to it. Hell, the same things may not work for other people, but they can probably help other people find what they're looking for, and that's a start.

Maybe someday..when the character limit is increased and I have a few days to draft it up I'll try again. Maybe it'll even be a little coherent

[ChainLightning]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

If you can pin down a coherent and chronological time line of all that has attributed to this current state of mind, you should probably put it in book-form, and maybe make a buck off of it. Seriously.



It's been a long and winding road, through Hell's treacherous maze, to get to this point. For me, it's still all a matter of being just simply a state of mind. Except that there's a disconnect, of almost unimaginable magnitude, between current living conditions, environment, physical limitations, financial woes and my current disposition. I mean, if I *think* about all the repairs that the farm needs, here, or the last couple years' worth of property taxes unpaid, the Reverse Mortgage that is now about $10K into the red - meaning, over the maximum principle - and could be considered a default on the loan, the cold weather and its impact on my ability to stand up, or any of all that actual shit, negative shit, at that, then, yeah, a rabies vaccination does seem to be in order. I just avoid concentrating on any of that misery, including how polar opposite my current girlfriend is from my ex-wife, and wonder why my mindset is so deficient in attentiveness. I just go from one shiny to another, in not quite bliss. More like confusion.

That forced ADD, constant distraction hunting, is what keeps my from truly getting seriously involved in topics here, conversations with people, and, really, just sticking to what I do best. Bitch, piss and moan about PEOPLE, particularly those ignorant masses we call Congress and the even greater masses of people known as sheep. Rants and emotionless, yet oddly passionate, tirades are still my main course. The laughs, now, I generally save for the ultra rare horse doovers. And dessert is generally referred to as either drugged or sleeping, if not both.

I have, however, been able to tame the beast of contempt, that I've long been intertwined with, at least for the entire concept of this upcoming Pagan Forum Get Together. Though, I have to admit, personally, I'm beginning to doubt that such an event will ever come to pass. It takes a small amount of funds to set it up, like porta-potty rentals, that I just cannot finance. Plus, with so many people that are "maybes", including some that were previously "for sures", this Get Together might just wind up being me, trying my hand at camping for the first time in some 5 or 6 years, or whatever.

If it seems to good to be true... it most definitely IS too good to be true, at this point.


So, yeah, if you ever feel the motivation or the urge to sit down and further describe all that's attributed to where you are now, in life? I, for one, would enjoy the distraction, of reading through it. Once I actually sit still long enough to remain on the forum long enough to read something.

[Willow]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

I like the story. I'm actually one of those people who at one point was fearless, traveled abroad "just because" and built my life around it. Then hit a few snags and here I am, rebuilding and stuck without enough money to support myself or my husband (for now), and therefore lacking the ability to do all the things I want to do.

But I'm glad to see it's not just me that's hit snags here and there, and it is really nice to see the flip side of the coin sometimes. Where people have come from, how they got to where they are now, and what they were thinking on their own ride through life.

[Shahaku]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Wow rok. Its great to hear it's all going well. It's kinda funny we just had a discussion about this at my work. They recommended hapyr.com You journal three things your grateful for each day. It's in an effort to teach your mind to be positive and focus on good. They say happiness leads to success not the other way around.

[Roknrol]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

I saved this for last because I wanted you to have my undivided attention. So there. Don't bitch about how long it is.

If you can pin down a coherent and chronological time line of all that has attributed to this current state of mind, you should probably put it in book-form, and maybe make a buck off of it. Seriously.

Don't believe that I haven't thought about it. There are a few roadblocks of course, namely that the publishing industry is almost as disgusting as the recording industry, which is only moderately less disgusting than the film industry. I place all of them on a slightly higher level than the United States Government. My point being is that there are just as many horror stories about publishers fucking their Authors than there are of child stars getting ripped off by their parents. I'm not sure that that kind of stress is conducive to my happiness

The other reason is that, prior to the last few years I was more or less existing...but now I'm living. And I don't think that "the last couple of years" quite covers enough of the narrative to describe how I got there. I have things that I think that I don't say, and some of those things could...upset(?) some of my friends and family members. I could leave those parts out, but the "ugly" parts of life are just as important (if not more so) to learning what makes you happy. I have started my autobiography (I've finished the ending, started on the beginning, and have some notes about the intervening 33+ years - and I am completely truthful in that statement). Unfortunately, if I ever finish it, some people will have to be dead before I'd even think about publishing it. There is no point in hurting someone without malice.

But yeah, it's crossed my mind. Perhaps when I'm able to get my own piece of land I will be able to find the words again. For now...meh...I have enough going on to keep me distracted

It's been a long and winding road, through Hell's treacherous maze, to get to this point. For me, it's still all a matter of being just simply a state of mind. Except that there's a disconnect, of almost unimaginable magnitude, between current living conditions, environment, physical limitations, financial woes and my current disposition. I mean, if I *think* about all the repairs that the farm needs, here, or the last couple years' worth of property taxes unpaid, the Reverse Mortgage that is now about $10K into the red - meaning, over the maximum principle - and could be considered a default on the loan, the cold weather and its impact on my ability to stand up, or any of all that actual shit, negative shit, at that, then, yeah, a rabies vaccination does seem to be in order.

Not that I expect it to help you at all, but you feature pretty prominently in my...evolution. Your undying, never-ending sarcastic ultra-cynical approach of, "That's life. What, you're surprised?"

An enormous part of my evolution (psychologically I guess) for most of my life (first with actions, now with things deeper than that) was being able to learn from what other people have experienced. I'm not stupid though - I know that there's only one goddamned way that I could "understand" how you feel about your life, and that's by living it. No offense, but not on a bet. You are one of the strongest people I know. But - you were one of many. Some that I would meet later, and some that I would seek out (at least, seek out the histories of). (uh oh, I feel this becoming long (that's what she said))

I don't "wish" that I lived in the Middle Ages, because as romantic as it might be to toy with the idea, most people were peasants, and peasants weren't known for their ample free time and excessive levels of comfort. No, I have learned to lament that things aren't better, but it's people like you who taught me that everyone has dealt with that, forever. For 30,000 years, human beings have been dealing with unconscionable douchbaggery, I'm certainly not in the worst "place" that I could be in. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I (now) have a great job...but my happiness only really ties to my job a little bit - because I really started on this road during my trip. Of which, you were a hopeful destination (sorry )

I just avoid concentrating on any of that misery, including how polar opposite my current girlfriend is from my ex-wife, and wonder why my mindset is so deficient in attentiveness. I just go from one shiny to another, in not quite bliss. More like confusion.

Habit. Well, and distraction, of course. You've learned to distract yourself - I certainly remember the time and energy that you used to put in here (almost as much as mine )

Part of my...shift...has to do with accepting the realities in my own life. Now, I can dream of writing the next Great American Novel, and get cast as the next Cool Father Figure in the latest sitcom, but the reality of it is that I won't be writing books any time soon and I'm not auditioning for roles. Remember, like God told the blonde: "Help me out here, buy a ticket." So my reality, for most of my life has been apathy and hope and just...aimlessly grabbing every "shiney" that I could find. Always looking for that elusive musical instrument that plays itself, or that perfect Craftsman Tool Set that knows how to fix cars without your help. I have dreamed of becoming a Polyglot, but have I actually sat down and tried to re-learn the Spanish that I didn't learn in High School? Fuck no. So why in the Hell would I assume that I would suddenly become this magical master of All That's Cool? It takes a person 10 hours a day for 10 years to become a professional. Compared to slightly less than 1 hour over 20 years, I'm guessing that it's not gonna happen.

So I started making changes. I started cleaning house - getting rid of "old toys" that I've been collecting and not doing a goddamned thing with for 20 years. It's crap. It's garbage. Even if it's fucking awesome, if I'm not actually going to use the damned thing, what's the point in keeping it? So I'm getting rid of the past - the past only exists in our memories...I'm getting rid of the crap that has no real memory attached...just a faded "good feeling". Some things...some things are harder than others. But I also have to be practical. I know that I'll want to retire someday - after all, that's the whole fucking reason we work!. Instead of shooting to become the next IT Billionaire, why don't I just learn to live comfortably on an income that's less (namely $0) than what I'm making right now. Fortunately for me, I'm in a position where I can say without a doubt that I can make that goal happen. AFAIC, not having to work for a living is about the best goddamned goal anyone could ever achieve - from the first caveman (IT'S STORYTELLING, NOT SCIENCE!!!) that had to walk 20 miles to not get an hyena and said, "What in the fuck is the point?!?!?!" to someone like Bill Gates who doesn't quite know where to stop because he never had a goal. He only had the achieving of the goal, the feeling he got from accomplishment. Personally, I'm completely satisfied with the feeling I get from contentedness. As an Athiest, if this is what we get, and all that we get, I certainly don't want to spend it doing what someone else wants me to do. I'd rather spend it doing whatever I want to do. Doesn't that sound more fun? (of course it does, to me )

However...I have digressed. Probably already over the character limit. *sigh*

That forced ADD, constant distraction hunting, is what keeps my from truly getting seriously involved in topics here, conversations with people, and, really, just sticking to what I do best. Bitch, piss and moan about PEOPLE, particularly those ignorant masses we call Congress and the even greater masses of people known as sheep. Rants and emotionless, yet oddly passionate, tirades are still my main course. The laughs, now, I generally save for the ultra rare horse doovers. And dessert is generally referred to as either drugged or sleeping, if not both.

Do you know the difference between yourself and the comedic pundits at places like Cracked, or TSG, or dozens of other websites that pay pretty good money for intriguing and informative articles on the deficiencies of man?

The people that wrote the articles have asked the aforementioned websites to publish their articles. (and of course, they've been worthwhile to publish)

That's it. It has nothing to do with how much they make or how capable they are of sitting still - most of these assholes are like me: Sitting in front of their computers typing their thoughts while they're distracted by Netflix on one side and allowing themselves to be "distracted" by porn as soon as they get writers' block. Or maybe that's just me (but I'm betting it's not).

Know you're capabilities, certainly, but also recognize your strengths.

The reason that I'd started my Autobiography was that I thought, "You know, the guys that play guitar really really well, are 'into' guitars enough to where they invest that 10 hours a day for 10 years. I wonder if I'm that guy" and the almost immediate answer was, "Of course you're not that guy. If you were that guy you would BE that guy, and you're not so you aren't." What I really truly enjoy doing is talking. But I'm not a good stand-up comic...I can't take the rejection. So what I enjoy doing second best is writing, and the thing that I enjoy talking about the most is myself, so an autobiography kind of seemed like a natural conclusion.

Is it really that simple, by asking the same questions that our parents asked us when we were 7 and that we still hadn't figured out by the time we were 30? Is it really as simple as...doing what you enjoy doing? I think that it is. Artists don't create art to make money (you know what I mean, and you know who I mean, not sell-outs). Musicians don't become musicians because they hate music. Sure, they may change their style or their music or even their religion to make some money, but that's just business. They had to have gotten that opportunity to begin with. And they did that by doing what they found they did well, and that they enjoyed. It really is that simple. Or maybe you have to be "in the right place" to even get there...but like I said about my Depression, since nobody fucking talks about this shit you have absolutely no idea how many people have "figured it out" and just didn't think it was a big deal, or how many people are struggling to discover it themselves but are afraid to ask. I am definitely an asker.

I have, however, been able to tame the beast of contempt, that I've long been intertwined with, at least for the entire concept of this upcoming Pagan Forum Get Together. Though, I have to admit, personally, I'm beginning to doubt that such an event will ever come to pass. It takes a small amount of funds to set it up, like porta-potty rentals, that I just cannot finance. Plus, with so many people that are "maybes", including some that were previously "for sures", this Get Together might just wind up being me, trying my hand at camping for the first time in some 5 or 6 years, or whatever.

I am not sure whether or not I'd be able to score the time off. If I could get a few days, it might be fun for me to make a beeline your way, two day ride, and get back on the road...but that wouldn't leave me much time to hang out before heading home, and I honestly don't think you and I would run out of things to say that quickly. I have time off planned for May (4 days) and I will probably be taking another 4 days in September for a trip to Hawaii with Liz (it's long overdue, since she's never been and I spent 4 years there). If I can get the time off around then, you'll know it because you'll hear my ass from North Dakota.

If it seems to good to be true... it most definitely IS too good to be true, at this point.

Here's another one: Your truth and your reality are not the same as everyone else's. I have no idea how something bitter tastes to you, and it's possible that our perception of the colour blue is different. For me, I had to stop trying to live for what other people thought was important, and for the first time in my life I was faced with the question: "What do *I* think is important?"

I didn't have an answer.

I'm sure having fun finding out though

(I'm fairly certain that Freedom is important)

So, yeah, if you ever feel the motivation or the urge to sit down and further describe all that's attributed to where you are now, in life? I, for one, would enjoy the distraction, of reading through it. Once I actually sit still long enough to remain on the forum long enough to read something.

Good luck. Wish me luck on being able to post it

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Holy shit, it fit!











(that's what she said)

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I like the story. I'm actually one of those people who at one point was fearless, traveled abroad "just because" and built my life around it. Then hit a few snags and here I am, rebuilding and stuck without enough money to support myself or my husband (for now), and therefore lacking the ability to do all the things I want to do.

Chainlighting is a perfect illustration of perseverance. Sometimes we hit really horrible spots. You know, my motorcycle trip was prompted because I was unemployed? I...uh...was less than thrilled about being unemployed by the way...there was just no fucking work to be had. But the trip? The trip brought me to Portland (where I rediscovered natural beauty - no, I'm not talking about the people...we have some goofy motherfuckers here) and a newer, better paying shitty job. Hey, it was a start And then I got lucky - I started putting my resume' out at the right time. I also know my shit - that helps. But part of my story involves recognizing (and accepting my strengths). For those of you that have thanked me but haven't otherwise asked me for elucidation, I haven't replied because I'm absolutely shitty at taking a compliment. I do appreciate it, but it always feels ingenuine to say so, so normally I just smile and move on. Thanks

But I'm glad to see it's not just me that's hit snags here and there, and it is really nice to see the flip side of the coin sometimes. Where people have come from, how they got to where they are now, and what they were thinking on their own ride through life.

My trip showed me that people mostly feel mostly the same about their lot in life, whether they're the top of the heap or nearing the bottom of the barrel. People with nothing who knew they had nothing and accepted it, people with nothing who are scrambling to get more than nothing (most people), people with nothing that had nothing. And people with something that didn't know what they had, or knew what they had but didn't know how to use it...or earned it, and forgot why they bothered.

In the great Cosmic dance that is our Universe, our entire existence as a species isn't even a blink.

http://www.phibetaiota.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/evoltuion_timeline.jpg

So, you know...as far as I'm concerned? Have fun! We're not even a mosquito fart in the grand scheme of things.

Of course, dibs on immortality.

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Wow rok. Its great to hear it's all going well. It's kinda funny we just had a discussion about this at my work. They recommended hapyr.com You journal three things your grateful for each day. It's in an effort to teach your mind to be positive and focus on good. They say happiness leads to success not the other way around.

Hehe - thanks for that I do have to say though that I don't expect to use it a whole lot...most of *my* process (this is a part that I'm pretty sure is a personal opinion and not anything that contributes in any way to the general idea of becoming happy) involves unplugging everything electronic. Mostly because I do it for a living and I get burned out on it. This is really the only Forum that I post in, you're certainly the only non-work/non-family people that I socialize with (and I admit that that's a big part of why I came back...this job has made me quite lonely, just due to circumstances, and I generally enjoy the conversation here)

Besides, three seems like such a limited number, and while I'm sure that you can add more, it just seems...unnatural to try to count them, you know? It's like when someone asks which one of your kids you love more (or if you're not a parent, put yourself and the hypothetical situation together in a way that makes sense to you).

(there were originally a lot of smileys in this post, as I generally use the to convey humor, sarcasm, and other emotions that could be easily mistaken without the spherical, yellow punctuation. But the fascists that run the place have restricted us (DENIED) to a maximum of 10 smileys per post, and since this is getting combined with my response to Chain, above, I have apparently exceeded this Forum's capacity for humor. I'm sorry to say.

[ChainLightning]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Whoa. I'm glad I said something. Thank you, Rok!

Is it a surprise that I did not find that tl;dr? I read every word. And found myself understanding a little something about about a lot. I also realized why I don't write for a living. As much as I like to talk, and write, my average post length, in word count, not chars, is well under 500 words. It's not writer's block or anything, it's finishing what I have to say with a sort of brevity and conciseness that one could only call haphazard.

Again. Thank you for posting!! Food for thought, that won't break the bank.


Oh, and I'll have a word with one of the fascists, and see about that punctuation limit. The char limit was already forcibly remedied, under heavy duress. I don't think I'll be able to withstand as much arm-twisting and waterboarding, so I don't think I'll have any trouble getting me to see things my way.

[Roknrol]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

The People Win!

[Willow]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

Holy shit, it fit!

I lol'd. =P

Can't really dig into the topic tonight, hard 24 hours. Going to eat my homemade granola bars and play elder scrolls. I'll revisit later and contribute in a more productive way. ^^

[Shahaku]

Re: How to be Happy (as told by Rok)

I've read a memoir that covered three months essentially. W flashbacks. Don't think a two year journey is too short. Also I never thought I'd see a that's what she said joke... and yet I did. A couple times. Hehe.

The website. I more mentioned it because it seemed to fit the idea. You tried to b successful first and that didn't work so you searched for happiness and found that and that led to success now. Same principle.