New to Paganism, seeking advice

[AutumnFox]

Hello,
I am new to this forum and still quite new to Paganism in general.
Before you go further, the advice I'm seeking is on a relationship with someone who is not Pagan.

Let me explain,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and it is a serious relationship. After we had been together a while, he finally admits to being very religious. He is very Christian. But not just any Christian, his church is Seventh Day Adventist which is a particular church that is hell-bent on wiping all pagan roots out of Christian tradition. You can see where this might be a problem. I started my research into Paganism after we had started dating so I told him about it. I have even been educating him on it and my personal beliefs. He is currently conflicted because he wants to stay loyal to his family and to his church, but he also loves me very much and fully agrees that Paganism is the right path for me.
In hypothetical talks of our future, I have promised I would go to church with him and that he is invited to my coven meetings. I even agreed that future hypothetical children could go to church until a certain age where they could make their own choice. I have no real issue with his beliefs, we have discussed it and they surprisingly do not interfere.
Should it come down to it, I'm afraid he may ask that I practice in secret. That I keep it hidden. Even from hypothetical future children. I feel like I've already compromised a lot. What should I do if he asks me to keep it a secret? Or to give it up altogether? And should I encourage him to sit in on coven meetings so he can learn more about it?

As a side note, he is not as strict as the old farts in his church.
As I'm still new to this, I'm not sure if I should find another path we both agree on or try to stick with it.

[Denarius]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

To answer your question: Fight for what you feel you need to fight for and communication is key.

Thoughts in general/advice: Compatibility begins and ends with how well the things they love about you and the things you love about yourself line up, and vice versa.

You can change how you do things, and in fact relationships pretty much require that, but you should never have to change WHO YOU ARE. Simple as that.

The real question you should be asking yourself is "Can I be true to myself and still be the person he loves?"

[AutumnFox]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

Thank you for your insight. It is much appreciated.

[thalassa]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

This is an article for atheists, but if you replace "atheist" with "Pagan", its pretty accurate: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2014/0...urvival-guide/

[AutumnFox]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

This is an article for atheists, but if you replace "atheist" with "Pagan", its pretty accurate: (link)

That is a great article! Thank you! It is very helpful

[Torey]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

Should it come down to it, I'm afraid he may ask that I practice in secret. That I keep it hidden. Even from hypothetical future children. I feel like I've already compromised a lot. What should I do if he asks me to keep it a secret? Or to give it up altogether?

It is unacceptable, to me, that you essentially pretend to attend church with him and accommodate his beliefs where he would see you suppress your own - even from your children. If he asked that of you, my personal advice would be that this is not a person with whom you can fully be yourself. He needs to compromise, as well.

And should I encourage him to sit in on coven meetings so he can learn more about it?

You are within your rights to do this, as you are agreeing to attend his church gatherings. I think that it certainly couldn't hurt to educate him in any way you can - but if he's resistant to this, you can't force him to. It would be a red flag to me, however, if he refused.

As I'm still new to this, I'm not sure if I should find another path we both agree on or try to stick with it.

Your last statement troubled me the most. Yes, you may find another path eventually - but to deliberately change or search out another religion just because your boyfriend "might" not like the social repercussions of being with a Pagan is a complete undermining of your personal power and right to believe as you believe.

As Denarius said, relationships are certainly about changing things in order to compromise, but there should be boundaries - and something as fundamentally personal as your religious beliefs should never be completely eradicated in order to keep the peace. If he cannot accept you and your beliefs, then that is reflective of his own insecurities and weaknesses.

[AutumnFox]

Re: New to Paganism, seeking advice

Thank you, Torey. That's all really helpful actually. I want to clarify that he has not yet said I can't follow this path, but he does seem a little uncomfortable with it. He is having an internal struggle about it (which is good, I guess) and I am mostly afraid of what may happen if he decides he doesn't like it. He doesn't have a track record of such things, but in my experience, when people struggle with accepting something like this due to family or religious reasons, it doesn't end well. I may be panicking for no reason. But I do appreciate all of the advice! I'm feeling a lot better about this now.