Who should lead the bride to the altar?

[nbdy]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I dislike it too, it's quite horrible.

If and when I get married, I intend to walk myself to the altar.

I think a lovely visual would be for the groom to approach from the other side so that the two meet at the altar at the same time.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Whom ever the bride wants to walk her up the aisle. Its not the bride's fault if she chooses her father because they have a good relationship and her mom wants to take pictures, if someone in the audience sees it as paternalism....any more than its the bride's fault if she chooses her sister and someone in the audience sees it as a horrible breech of tradition.

Personally, I like the symbolism of the bride walking up the aisle to the groom as leaving one family to start another. Both my parents walked me up the aisle (since I had a non-Christian but traditional wedding)....but if he'd been able to travel, I would have had my grandpa do it.

Yeah I agree.

I honestly don't know who will walk me down the aisle. If I even go down the aisle at all. I'm thinking we might do a small Standesamt ceremony (the only place you can officially get married here if you don't get married in a church), which is basically a little courthouse ceremony, followed by a laid-back reception, and the Standesamt doesn't really have whole "aisle" deal. I guess you can do it however you want, but usually you just go in with everyone else (your closest friends and family - I think the room can only fit about 20-40 people) and they get you to stand up when they're ready to start. I haven't been to many, but it's usually short and fairly bureaucratic.

I'd like to do something in Canada, because most of my friends and family won't be able to make it to our wedding (and we -will- probably have it here in Berlin). It won't be a full-on wedding though. I think we'll just do a handfasting at a dinner party with friends and family....no aisle or formal ceremony or anything like that. So i guess no one will walk me down the aisle.

I know people whose dad did it, whose mom did it, who had both parents do it, who walked down with their husbands, or who walked down alone. I don't think it matters -who- does it.

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I don't think it matters -who- does it.

I do.




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[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Why, though? It's a choice that doesn't have to mean what it meant in the past. I wouldn't pick my dad over my mom because I am close to both of my parents, but what if I were closer with my dad? I can't speak for everyone, but most people I know who went that route did so because it was either a) important to their fathers, or b) they were close with their dads and wanted to do something to show their dads how special they were. I don't think there's anything wrong with that just because tradition held it otherwise. I mean, pretty much everything about "white weddings" has some sort of BS symbolism, but a lot of people don't want to throw it all out the window because of it.

To me, it's sort of like Christmas. I don't believe in Jesus and I don't like a lot of things that the church (pretty much any church) has done in the past, but I still celebrate Christmas on the 24th and 25th. I'll even enjoy and sing carols about god and Jesus, because it's part of the tradition and that tradition means something else to me.

[Doc_Holliday]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I think this thread is funny because there is one obvious answer. Nobody elses business but the bride, and who cares? It's her/her husbands day, let them decide.

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

who cares?

Some do.

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[Munin-Hugin]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Some do.

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I'm not attempting to be argumentative or cheeky or what-have-you. I'm actually truly curious.

Why does it matter to you what other people do, or how other people think on this issue? I see it very much like those people who complain and are against gay marriage. If you're against it, don't get married to someone of the same sex. It's that simple.

[Doc_Holliday]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Some do.

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No see you clearly don't understand.

What you are telling me is if you were driving down a road and seen a wedding with the father 'handing off' his daughter to the groom, you'd be angry? Why? It's none of your business what that bride does, so why should you care at all? It is her day. So if you really care and would oppose brides doing what they want on that day, thats more shocking than the handoff.

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Sorry that I was writing anything again here.

I beg your pardon .....




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Why does it matter to you what other people do, or how other people think on this issue?

Then what does it matter to you what I am thinking on the subject?

Just ignore me.

[Doc_Holliday]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Sorry that I was writing anything again here.

Just ignore me.

DUUUUUDE, the self pity is killing me.

[thalassa]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I think that symbolism changes with culture, and if you are offended by a practice because you are offended by its historical context, then you should probably not do it. But other than that, I think its foolish to be concerned if someone things your reasoning is meaningless to them because they have their own interpretation on the matter. Personally, I can't think of anything that we do that doesn't have a historic predecessor that hasn't, in some case, been used to put someone down somewhere at some point in time....so I pretty much ignore the historical reasons in my determination of whether the modern symbolism of it is significant or not.


Also, upon reading this thread over my shoulder, Hubby says "I hope our children aren't so self-centered that their wedding is about scoring imaginary points against *the man*, instead of celebrating the beginning of their new family"

[Quetzal]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

My sister got married a couple of months ago. When she first got engaged, she said she wanted me to walk her down the aisle, but she took so bloody long to get to the actual wedding part...

In the time it took between the engagement and the wedding, she got back on friendly terms with her dad, so when the time came, the bitch had him do it >_>
I can't complain too much, I'm not a social person, I can do without everyone skennin' at me, and then having to do a speech. Felt angin enough just having to wear a stupid suit.

Anyway, to answer the topic, it's none of my business. Bride's choice.

[Medusa]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Larix do not confuse not agreeing with your opinion as not understanding your opinion. There's a difference.

I would have loved for my father to walk me down the aisle. If he were alive. And I loved someone enough to marry them. But he's not. And I don't. And so there it is.


I agree there should be no old fashioned rituals unless of course you like old fashioned rituals. And in that case have old fashioned rituals. Or not. See where I'm going with this?

[Gleb]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I think that it's up to the bride to decide. But one thing makes me wonder, though. What happens, if the guy is a follower of one religion, and the girl is a follower of another? What then?
What kind of shrine will be? How will be the marriage done?

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

What happens, if the guy is a follower of one religion, and the girl is a follower of another? What then?
What kind of shrine will be? How will be the marriage done?

Well, my first wife was Roman Catholic and I am Heathen. When we got married, there were a few things that were ironed out so that we both felt we got what we wanted. It took place in a restaurant, the ceremony was performed by a Congregationalist minister, and there was very little mention of God during it. That way, she and our families (mine is also Roman Catholic) were able to have the religious part covered, while I didn't feel like my beliefs were being totally compromised. Of course, we then got divorced seven years later, so that sort of went against the whole Catholic thing, anyhow.

Last year, I got remarried, and this time there was no need for compromise or conversations regarding how we were going to do it. While she and I don't share beliefs (in fact, she doesn't really have any, but has a total respect for mine), that wasn't a problem at all. We got a JP, stood in front of a tree at the house I grew up in, with my parents as our witnesses. It was simple, beautiful, and perfect.