Who should lead the bride to the altar?

[Gleb]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Well, my first wife was Roman Catholic and I am Heathen. When we got married, there were a few things that were ironed out so that we both felt we got what we wanted. It took place in a restaurant, the ceremony was performed by a Congregationalist minister, and there was very little mention of God during it. That way, she and our families (mine is also Roman Catholic) were able to have the religious part covered, while I didn't feel like my beliefs were being totally compromised. Of course, we then got divorced seven years later, so that sort of went against the whole Catholic thing, anyhow.

Last year, I got remarried, and this time there was no need for compromise or conversations regarding how we were going to do it. While she and I don't share beliefs (in fact, she doesn't really have any, but has a total respect for mine), that wasn't a problem at all. We got a JP, stood in front of a tree at the house I grew up in, with my parents as our witnesses. It was simple, beautiful, and perfect.

I have to say that it's very interesting. Thanks for sharing!
The reason I ask, is that here, in Israel as far as I know, marriages are done 99.999% of the time with a presence of a Rebe (Jewish priest). The o.oo1% is a marriage is done at home without any big things. And it's very bothersome to know that people can't marry as they want here.... So they marry outside Israel, which is ironically funny.

[Heka]

I think that it's up to the bride to decide. But one thing makes me wonder, though. What happens, if the guy is a follower of one religion, and the girl is a follower of another? What then?
What kind of shrine will be? How will be the marriage done?

My husband is Christian, I am pagan and swore as a teen that I'd never let a preist marry me.

Well in the end I settled for a minister, but mostly because I've known him a damn long time and he drinks with my dad. That satisfied the Christian part of it. When I told him I was pagan and I wanted the ceremony edited he wasnt all that surprised (he knew I was odd) and in the end was happy to take many God references out, and included a pagan reading and a handfasting. His message for us was a beautiful one about a blossoming garden. It was nice. He came around to the handfasting idea when he discovered it had irish roots and he had another minister friend who'd written about it in a book.

He was so cute at the actual ceremony though, he was so flustered he read the wrong bits, forgot how the handfasting worked and totally missed the first kiss haha. It was nice that he cared so much about us to screw up :P

[Heka]

On topic, my dad did lead me down the aisle. He has 4 daughters and none of them are ever gonna get married, I'm the only one he got to watch grow up, I think it meant more to him than me. Plus besides the freakydeeky pagan stuff it was quite traditional.

I did however take out all references to obeying and being given away, and anything else that made me look like property.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I think that it's up to the bride to decide. But one thing makes me wonder, though. What happens, if the guy is a follower of one religion, and the girl is a follower of another? What then?
What kind of shrine will be? How will be the marriage done?

I think each couple has to work that out for themselves. I'd hope that, if you are getting married, you'd talk about it and find a solution together.

My boyfriend is atheist, and we're not having a religious wedding. That's not because we're favoring his side over mine...it's just that we'd both rather make it less about religion and more about the commitment. I'd like to do a small handfasting, but I just like the symbolism of joining hands...I don't want it to be a pagan thing, really. I'm very private about my beliefs and I'm also more of a pantheist than someone who believes in active, personified gods, so this suits me fine, but some people may want religion to play a bigger role in their ceremony. That's why it's important to talk about it.

[Gleb]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Thanks all for your answers to my questions!
DanieMarie - I agree with you here that religion isn't always necessary when marrying. It can be a nice ceremony without it. Just covering the table and being happy for joining hands with another person in one's life sounds good to me.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Thanks all for your answers to my questions!
DanieMarie - I agree with you here that religion isn't always necessary when marrying. It can be a nice ceremony without it. Just covering the table and being happy for joining hands with another person in one's life sounds good to me.

You did make a good point though that in some countries, religion plays a much more dominant part in public life. That must be challenging if you do not belong to that religion, but I guess you have to find a way to compromise.

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

If I may re-phrase the title .....

Instead of "Who should lead the bride to the altar?" I might ask:

"Is it really necessary that anyone leads the bride to the altar?"

Well - is it?

What do you think?

[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Again, I think that depends on the couple. Sometimes people like to do it, even if they don't believe in the tradition behind it. I forgot to mention this last time, but I also know couples where both the bride and the groom walked down the aisle with family members. There are all kinds of ways you can do it and none of them are right or wrong. If it's your wedding, you should do what you want.

Personally, I'm a lot less bothered by how couples decide to walk down the aisle than I am about couples who spend more than a down payment on a house on their wedding. I used to work at a bridal shop and a lingerie shop and saw first-hand how ridiculous the entire industry is and feel like most of the stuff that people spend money on is stupid and wasteful. BUT, again, that's just how I feel about it. Ultimately how other people spend their money is none of my business.

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Did I ever say that I ordered anybody about?

And told them which way to marry?

I never did in the past - nor do I plan to do so in the future.

Of course everybody may celebrate their wedding any way they like.

But we can talk about it and discuss the subject - as we actually do right now.

I thought that this is exactly what a virtual forum in the world wide web is there for.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Sure, but I'm just saying that my opinion is "it's up to the couple."

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Ok!

.........................

(short answers are not allowed by the system - so I use dots)

[Amelia-Mary]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

I concur- It's up to the couple. I don't see the need for their to be a tradition about this anymore, it just used to signify the woman being property (assuming we're talking about a heterosexual marriage, for want of a better term) and the father would give the woman to the husband as a "Here you go, she's your property now". Even though now it doesn't (usually) represent that, it's still not necessary.

So anyone the bride wants

Or maybe the husband too, who knows

[Larix]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Now we are on page 5

So somehow this topic seems to be worth discussing - isn't it?

[Doc_Holliday]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

Now we are on page 5

So somehow this topic seems to be worth discussing - isn't it?

Larix, nobody ever said it wasn't really worth discussing. Just because people disagree with you it does not mean that they think the question you posed is useless.

[Medusa]

Re: Who should lead the bride to the altar?

If I may re-phrase the title .....

Instead of "Who should lead the bride to the altar?" I might ask:

"Is it really necessary that anyone leads the bride to the altar?"

Well - is it?

What do you think?

Again. It's necessary if the bride wants it. What's so hard to understand with this? No offense, but it really seems like you just want to keep rephrasing it till you get the answer you want.

*shrug