Re: THE RANT THREAD!
You know, I know it's pointless and meaningless to do it, but I've been really feeling like "why?" lately.
My daughter is diabetic. She's 6. This is a lifetime thing.
And the last few days, my heart has been so heavy about it. Why did this have to happen to her? I get how stupid this is, so please don't rip into me for it... but things were supposed to be so good for her. I've tried so hard to take care of her. Her life was supposed to be great, and it was supposed to be so much better than mine.
Instead, she has this chronic condition that ties her to insulin for the rest of her life. Dependent upon money-grubbing medicos.
I know I sound bitter, but it's the rant thread.
My sweet baby, and I have to stab her multiple times per day--when it's not with the blood tester, it's with a needle. It's this every day struggle to make sure she gets enough to eat. This constant fight to keep her blood sugar levels up because she's in "honeymoon period" where her pancreas is still trying to do its thing. Rigid scheduling... up at 7:30 every single day. Stab the kid. Twice. Eat at 8, eat at 10, eat at 12, eat at 3, eat at 6, eat at 8... never deviate.
And god help me, but I live with this constant fear of giving her too much insulin. I did once when we were first home from the hospital. It was so terrible, even though the nurses were kind of like, "oh well, just test her a lot". But what if I'd not realized? I'm so afraid. It's so easy to make mistakes, to forget to feed her, or to miss giving her insulin because you get distracted and put the needle down to drag her back up out of the trash can (did that once, too!).
It was not supposed to be like this. I want to fix it so badly, but this just can't be fixed. I feel helpless and I'm so tired emotionally. I just want my baby to be carefree. Not to have to "make sure you have your bracelet on!" or "do you have your kit [of insulin supplies]??" She's six. She shouldn't have to worry about keeping track of a "kit" all the time... but she HAS TO.
I am feeling sad and angry today. And I want to cry, but I'm too overwhelmed to even do that right now. Watching this happening to my baby hurts so much.
You know, I know it's pointless and meaningless to do it, but I've been really feeling like "why?" lately.
My daughter is diabetic. She's 6. This is a lifetime thing.
And the last few days, my heart has been so heavy about it. Why did this have to happen to her? I get how stupid this is, so please don't rip into me for it... but things were supposed to be so good for her. I've tried so hard to take care of her. Her life was supposed to be great, and it was supposed to be so much better than mine.
Instead, she has this chronic condition that ties her to insulin for the rest of her life. Dependent upon money-grubbing medicos.
I know I sound bitter, but it's the rant thread.
My sweet baby, and I have to stab her multiple times per day--when it's not with the blood tester, it's with a needle. It's this every day struggle to make sure she gets enough to eat. This constant fight to keep her blood sugar levels up because she's in "honeymoon period" where her pancreas is still trying to do its thing. Rigid scheduling... up at 7:30 every single day. Stab the kid. Twice. Eat at 8, eat at 10, eat at 12, eat at 3, eat at 6, eat at 8... never deviate.
And god help me, but I live with this constant fear of giving her too much insulin. I did once when we were first home from the hospital. It was so terrible, even though the nurses were kind of like, "oh well, just test her a lot". But what if I'd not realized? I'm so afraid. It's so easy to make mistakes, to forget to feed her, or to miss giving her insulin because you get distracted and put the needle down to drag her back up out of the trash can (did that once, too!).
It was not supposed to be like this. I want to fix it so badly, but this just can't be fixed. I feel helpless and I'm so tired emotionally. I just want my baby to be carefree. Not to have to "make sure you have your bracelet on!" or "do you have your kit [of insulin supplies]??" She's six. She shouldn't have to worry about keeping track of a "kit" all the time... but she HAS TO.
I am feeling sad and angry today. And I want to cry, but I'm too overwhelmed to even do that right now. Watching this happening to my baby hurts so much.
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