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    Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?


    #2
    Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

    Hey trainerkelly! Welcome to PF.

    You sound like a really mature young person. I hope your mum and dad are really proud of you. It sounds like even though you've been emotionally affected by the things you've been going through with learning about your faith and also dealing with your mum's changing faith, you're not getting swept away.

    I'm going to get straight into answering your questions.
    Originally posted by trainerkelly View Post
    I guess I'm here to ask for some advice: how do I approach my zealot, born-again Christian mother to tell her that she frightens me with her words and her anti-pagan statements hurt me?
    So usually when a person is this caught up in their faith, whatever you say isn't really going to change much. However, speaking as a mother, I could say that my child's heartfelt confession that she is frightened by anything I did would make me stop and question my words/actions. If you go to her and say what frightens you and why, the two of you might be able to work on a way your mum can express herself without you feeling scared.
    Originally posted by trainerkelly View Post
    I know right now I'm too weak and that anything I say to her, I'll shrink back in fear like a wounded animal when she replies...
    Your words as her daughter have more influence than you could possibly know. You are one of the few she holds so very dear to her. Don't shrink, be bold knowing her love for you will influence what she says/does.

    Originally posted by trainerkelly View Post
    Even though I am being called to the books that are currently stashed at my dad's house, what sources can I use AT HOME? What sources would be the best? What kind of information should I be looking for?
    Others may have better ideas than me, but the text that comes to my mind is Tylluan Penry's 'Magic on the Breath.' Tylluan is a member of this community. She also has uploaded a few youtube clips to her channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC48..._lFsBX9v2ZAeAg) to help people new to their path. I have the Kindle version of 'Magic on the Breath' and the concepts and exercises in there are simple, foundational and will last the journey with you. I read it on my iPhone. The other thing you could do is just explore the forums here. There is a wealth of information here.

    Originally posted by trainerkelly View Post
    How can I make her understand how I am feeling that may even give me a CHANCE to have her ease up and let me explore this spiritual practice like I feel I should? Should I just sneak the stuff anyway and screw over respect?
    No need to sneak anything. The pursuit of spiritual knowledge does not take precedence over maintaining kinship. Your relationship with your mum, you will always have. Your faith my change over time. However, you can ask from her the same freedom she has availed herself of - the freedom to seek and make her own choice. As she saught, she came to Christ freely. Ask of her the freedom to explore spirituality and find your own path. You may come to Christ, you may not, but that is not for your mother to decide.

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      #3
      Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

      How old are you?

      My opinion is you will never be able to change someone. Since you live with her, I would just keep it secret; she doesn't need to know about it. If she asks you, just lie, people tend to be pretty blinded. I think its more important to focus on you and once you are established as an individual (in other words, independent, not living with her etc), then you can be more honest with her. Eventually you have to develop a backbone and not let people control your emotions.

      As for resources, I lost my list of online book pdfs ;; If you're afraid about her finding out, which is understandable, use the internet resources that (hopefully) someone can provide, then just clear your browser history, parents aren't that computer-savvy lol.

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        #4
        Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

        Originally posted by Hoho View Post
        How old are you?

        My opinion is you will never be able to change someone. Since you live with her, I would just keep it secret; she doesn't need to know about it. If she asks you, just lie, people tend to be pretty blinded. I think its more important to focus on you and once you are established as an individual (in other words, independent, not living with her etc), then you can be more honest with her. Eventually you have to develop a backbone and not let people control your emotions.

        As for resources, I lost my list of online book pdfs ;; If you're afraid about her finding out, which is understandable, use the internet resources that (hopefully) someone can provide, then just clear your browser history, parents aren't that computer-savvy lol.
        This is an option, and yes, some people may never change. However, trainerkelly, if you're constantly hiding things, that can cause an enormous amount of stress. I've been there with hiding things from my very religious father, and the stress I had from that still kind of haunts me to today. If possible, I would try to be open about it, like Azvanna said. Maybe there is a chance she will change her mind. You have to try first (or at least test the waters, which it sounds like you did) before you know whether or not it will be possible to change her mind. And for some people, it could take years.

        All the best to you, though.

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          #5
          Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

          I personally am not of the opinion to lie about my faith. Especially when I live in my parents house. What happens when you are caught, and you will be caught, and the trust that your Mother has in you is lost. That is not an easy thing to get back.
          From what you have said there are certain areas she is very open-minded in and that's a great thing. Like Azvanna talk to her. Tell her what frightens you, also maybe with the proper knowledge you could ease some of your Mothers fears. Most Christians have a very misguided outlook on pagans and I will bet your Mom has one too. Little bits of information could help smooth the path for you. The thing that my Dad was most concerned about when he found out I wasn't a Christian was that when we both died I wouldn't be in heaven with him. He wanted to protect me and I imagine that's what she wants to do.
          "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

          "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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            #6
            Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

            If a lie, deception or concealment will keep the peace and serve a greater good, I find no fault in it. This is accepted in Heathenism. The Buddha told a parable of a burning house, in which a man lied and deceived his sons to save their lives. Krishna used deception in the Mahabharata at least once when all other attempts at honesty to establish and keep peace failed. It's the old "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"; "No, of course not, you look terrific". Honesty isn't always the way to go.

            śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
            śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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              #7
              Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

              I'm with you. Lie till you move out. It will keep the stress off your back. It's not like your mother not knowing about your religious belief invalidates that belief. You don't need others for you to experience your religion. Hang on till you ditch the mom.
              Satan is my spirit animal

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                #8
                Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

                1) Is your screen name a Pokemon reference? If so high five!
                2) Hugs because I know all to well what it is like to be at outs with a parent over religion. I live in my own apt and am a mother myself and I still arguing with my mom at being Pagan. Talk to her first and if that doesn't work it okay to say "this is my belief. I respect yours and you respect."

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                  #9
                  Re: Zealot mother and her hurting words...advice?

                  To help you look at things from your mother's perspective: When I was in high school, I thought it was my duty stop my friends from being gay. I was afraid they would go to Hell (which I didn't want) and I thought I would be punished by God. It's unbelievably anxiety-inducing to have that kind of pressure, and I became a zealot, until I realized a) no one could stand to be around me and b) this was not a good way to live. I didn't mean to be hateful and cutthroat; I was just scared.

                  And personally, what I did, was to buy a symbol of my faith (I wouldn't recommend a pentagram, something less obvious). For all my mom has ever known, I wear a Mjolnir around my neck because I think the guy who plays Thor in the movies is hot. But then I could sit in church and doodle in the bulletin, but feel better knowing I still had a tangible connection via the pendant to what I couldn't express. Now I'm in college, and I either keep my stuff in my dorm, or at a friend's house.

                  -Edited because I also have something to say about the lying thing-
                  If you can wait a few more years before you get fully back into it, do so. I was well graduated before I attempted anything, and even that was for a friend, whose parents were more accepting. I also would get books from the library. See if they have inter-library loan, check out that book, along with a few others, and put all of them in your bag at once. I did this for everything from mother's day surprises, to manga, to encyclopedias. As long as you continue to be as open and honest as possible about everything else, maybe she will trust you enough not to pay too close attention or ask too many questions. That way you don't have to lie.

                  Also, if you can afford any type of e-reader, that's where I keep all my books. It's inconspicuous, it locks, and you can carry it with you.
                  Last edited by Chessa; 09 May 2015, 08:23.

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