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Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

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    Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

    So I realized I never did an intro, and thought how rude of me!

    Okay, so here goes.

    35, male, chronic pain sufferer (I know there's some of us on here. Let's just say traumatic injury via bicycle accident plus 2 surgeries resulting from said accident=daily dose of severe hip pain. It's a wonder I can walk at all, frankly.), lover of all things nature and science related, especially astronomy/astrophysics (can you tell?) and quantum theory. I'm still sorting out my beliefs (as you can see, that's why I'm here)but right now off the top of my head I'd say I identify as a naturalistic pantheist with strong Taoist and Buddhist leanings/influences.

    I grew up Christian with a dad who is (now semi-retired but still in ministry)an Episcopal priest, and a mother who's an art therapist (I blame my Jungian tendencies on her lol). Sorta just went a long like a good preacher's kid. Best friend died of cancer at age 6-wasn't sure why God would let a kid who believed in him die of cancer if he was all powerful, but erased the thought from my mind as I thought it wasn't right to question the almighty. Thought Jesus was a pretty cool guy, but wondered he had to be invisible and he didn't talk to me. Teens I became a decidedly liberal Christian, which was no big deal in my diocese-we had lesbian priests, after all, though officially that was not church policy it was widely tolerated. Went to church camp and conventions and all that.

    College-freshman year a very dear friend throws herself off the top of her dorm at her college, killing herself instantly. Questions come flooding back-why would God let my friend, who also believed in him, get to the point that she felt that was the only way out of an abusive relationship? Why does God not talk back to me? Why does he seem so indifferent to all this suffering of innocent people? Is there a hell? is there a heaven? Try to squash these feelings. Find a copy of Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki-deeply resonates with me, but I am afraid to give up my Christianity, so i reluctantly hold on to this half-assed, piecemeal Christianity. Late 20's, finishing school and living in a mid sized city (Austin). I start going to morning Zazen at the local Zen Center. Deeply gratifying to find a meditation practice and spirituality that seems practical and non-dogmatic. I stay for dharma talks, and that deepens my interest in Buddhism. I begin studying Buddhism more, but don't take up precepts or anything formal. Also begin reading the Tao Te Ching, seeing the influence of in on Ch'an/Zen, and enjoying the philosophy aspect of it. Life gets busy and my meditation becomes less frequent as I can no longer make time for the Zen Center.

    Early 30's-decide I am prettymuch agnostic, become much more of a skeptic, though I have always appreciated and loved science, believed in evolution, etc.)realize that I don't believe in things like reincarnation or the rebirth-based idea of karma, though I have always believed you get back what you put out there-if you're being an asshole, it'll come back on you. 32-my life starts to fall apart. A close family member gets arrested on sexual abuse charges, turns out he fucking did it (and confessed to it), am shocked as hell, sickened, saddened. Love him as family but am absolutely horrified and can't understand why he's so fucked up and broken, as he had always been a very kind, considerate guy who tried to help everyone he met.Try to stuff that down and move on with life, even as my family is torn apart. Then one day out riding my bicycle I hit a dirt patch and wham, I slide out and BAM I break my hip-in several places. Recovery takes forever and includes a slip and fall where I refracture it. Finally am able to walk fully again in 2013, but can't stand for long periods of time. Stop working for a bit and have to move back from Austin to family in New England. Brief involvement with non SGI Nichiren Shu-chanting the lotus sutra (funny story about that-one time my group was chanting REALLY loud and it starts getting darker and darker and raining harder and harder and then CRACKLE BOOM insane lightning and thunder outside and it starts pouring BUCKETS. Sensei just looks at us and says "I told you this is a powerful practice!" Later I get burnt out by cutlishness of Nichiren teachings and the way they treat the Lotus Sutra as the only relevant sutra and dogmatically insist all other sects are wrong). Am prettymuch a full fledged atheist at this point, though have some somewhat silly practices like wishing for things/setting intentions such as "it is my will to____________" at 11:11, consulting the I Ching (I have an app for that) for insights, and asking "Universe" for help when shit gets too heavy, even though I often think I'm just talking to myself/my subconcious (that said I've had things happen for me/work in my favor after doing that and the 11:11 stuff, and I believe intention is a powerful thing, though I'm not sure if it affects physical reality or if it's more in the subconscious mind. See there's that Jungian thing I was talking about!

    And here I am now, trying to cobble together a practical spiritual practice that will nourish me but isn't delusional fluffy nonsense. Feel very influenced by the World Pantheist Movement's manifesto and definitely at the base of it all I am very much a naturalistic pantheist. I am open to the idea that perhaps the Cosmos is conscious, though I have no belief in any deities (God/Gods/Goddess apparently has never felt like talking to me. If a deity ever did show and was like HEY YOU! I'd be the first to devote myself to them if they'd help me-I could certainly use a hand right now!)of any sort. Don't really believe in spirits, ghosts, paranormal stuff, though I do somewhat believe and have seen some evidence for (particularly with weird experiences with my Dad)premonitions. I feel a special love for the universe and the natural world, that I guess you could say is reverent in a non-fluffy way. I feel best when I'm in or around nature. Still love Science. Carl Sagan and Neil Degrasse Tyson are my homeboys. Still very much influenced by Buddhism. I've got a soft spot for Manjushri and Avalokitshvara but I see them as archetypes rather than divine beings. Love the Heart Sutra. I love the passage of the seasons. Enjoy Aine Orga's youtube talks a lot.

    HAIL SAGAN!

    #2
    Re: Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about your hip, hopefully it continues to heal as time goes forward.

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      #3
      Re: Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

      Hello and welcome to PF!


      (I love NdGT)
      Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
      sigpic

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        #4
        Re: Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

        Welcome to the forum as your journey continues...

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          #5
          Re: Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

          Welcome to the forum!
          Anubisa

          Dedicated and devoted to Lord Anubis and Lady Bast. A follower of the path of Egyptian Wicca.

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            #6
            baah.

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              #7
              Re: Just your local neighborhood skeptical pantheistic mess...

              What's interesting is Korean Zen altars usually have statues of Kuan Yin, while Manjushri (or Jizo as they call him in Zen)is usually on Japanese Zen Altars, along with Shakyamuni Buddha. I see Manjushri as an embodiment of wisdom and the power of the mind-I like the traditional image of him with the sword in his left hand with which he cuts away delusion.

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