Hi! I wanted to get some advice about my current situation, which I suspect will get a little rambling, for which I apologize:
I've been in a relationship for about a year and half now, and we recently made the decision to move in together. We've found a place, and everything is pretty much set to go...but I am getting concerned about the fact that my partner does not strictly know I am pagan.
To be clear, I've never LIED about my beliefs, I've just never--ahem--labeled them.
Mostly because I've noticed that when people understand the details of what I believe, it's usually fine, but words like "pagan" just seem to panic/bother people unnecessarily.
My family is aware of my beliefs, and is supportive, but they found out over a decade ago, when my practice began, and since then I have not really "come out of the broom closet" to anyone new I encountered, preferring to keep a pretty low profile.
This is partly because of my own personality, and partly because my profession (I'm a mathematician) is such that my credibility could be somewhat hurt by a belief system that isn't mainstream. Silly, I know, but...eh.
The natural outcroppings of my religion haven't been hidden from my partner; he's seen my altar at my home (although he may not have recognized it as such), and has seen me writing in my BoS, seen the books on paganism I have in my personal book collection, etc.
Throughout our relationship so far, I have been able to keep an altar and conduct rituals in my own home, but now obviously we will be sharing space...I don't know if I need to be more up front about things, more explicit?
I would prefer not to be for a few reasons, mainly that paganism is something of great value to me that I like to keep private and personal, and that I am afraid that he may misunderstand my feelings on this as deceptive (as in, "why have you hidden this from me for so long!") I've certainly always been up front about WHAT I believe, just not what I'd call it.
Moreover, I am a big fan of the general spirit of "to be silent" although I guess that's a little more of a Wiccan thing... so even if he is totally accepting I don't want to have to announce that I need some time to do a ritual... It just sullies it for me a little bit when anyone knows what I'm doing. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound super paranoid.
Do I just put up my altar and address any questions that may come of that? Do I disappear for a couple hours at a time when I need to do a ritual? Do we sit down and have "the talk"? Is it okay for me to keep this part of me to myself, and just explain what needs explaining rather than laying it all out there?
Let me know what you think, and if anyone out there has similar feelings about their practice and has struggled with the tension of keeping things private for the sake of their spiritual needs vs. not wanting to feel dishonest, I would love to know if/how you've resolved that!
Thank you all in advance for your help, I really appreciate it!
I've been in a relationship for about a year and half now, and we recently made the decision to move in together. We've found a place, and everything is pretty much set to go...but I am getting concerned about the fact that my partner does not strictly know I am pagan.
To be clear, I've never LIED about my beliefs, I've just never--ahem--labeled them.
Mostly because I've noticed that when people understand the details of what I believe, it's usually fine, but words like "pagan" just seem to panic/bother people unnecessarily.
My family is aware of my beliefs, and is supportive, but they found out over a decade ago, when my practice began, and since then I have not really "come out of the broom closet" to anyone new I encountered, preferring to keep a pretty low profile.
This is partly because of my own personality, and partly because my profession (I'm a mathematician) is such that my credibility could be somewhat hurt by a belief system that isn't mainstream. Silly, I know, but...eh.
The natural outcroppings of my religion haven't been hidden from my partner; he's seen my altar at my home (although he may not have recognized it as such), and has seen me writing in my BoS, seen the books on paganism I have in my personal book collection, etc.
Throughout our relationship so far, I have been able to keep an altar and conduct rituals in my own home, but now obviously we will be sharing space...I don't know if I need to be more up front about things, more explicit?
I would prefer not to be for a few reasons, mainly that paganism is something of great value to me that I like to keep private and personal, and that I am afraid that he may misunderstand my feelings on this as deceptive (as in, "why have you hidden this from me for so long!") I've certainly always been up front about WHAT I believe, just not what I'd call it.
Moreover, I am a big fan of the general spirit of "to be silent" although I guess that's a little more of a Wiccan thing... so even if he is totally accepting I don't want to have to announce that I need some time to do a ritual... It just sullies it for me a little bit when anyone knows what I'm doing. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound super paranoid.
Do I just put up my altar and address any questions that may come of that? Do I disappear for a couple hours at a time when I need to do a ritual? Do we sit down and have "the talk"? Is it okay for me to keep this part of me to myself, and just explain what needs explaining rather than laying it all out there?
Let me know what you think, and if anyone out there has similar feelings about their practice and has struggled with the tension of keeping things private for the sake of their spiritual needs vs. not wanting to feel dishonest, I would love to know if/how you've resolved that!
Thank you all in advance for your help, I really appreciate it!
Comment