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Thread: Friendship deal breakers

  1. #1
    Nihilistic Goddess Medusa's Avatar
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    Friendship deal breakers

    *so let me start with stating why I started this thread. While reading the news on Trump and his potty mouth, I came upon a story about the show 'The Real'. A diverse group of women ala 'The View'. They are all women of color of some sort, Puerto Rican, Asian and black. One of the hosts also hosts the Miss USA pageant. She stated that she would not resign from that. Her other hosts/friends took to social media to express their dismay. Pretty much this:
    Girl, how can you work for a man who said that about my people?!

    So the hosts eventually changed her mind.


    So now we are caught up.

    Questions for the forum:

    ~How do you handle not only having different opinions on important matters from your friends, but also that have actions attached to those opinions?
    (my friend is Mexican, but I'm voting for Trump. My friend is African American, but I'm going to fly my Confederate car flag) Stuff like that.

    ~What are the opinions of others you will NOT tolerate in friends? Have you found out later something about a friend's belief and nixed them out of your life? And did you talk to that friend about it or just slowly stop communication?


    This isn't about people having different opinions here. I'm talking about those opinions moving into the realm of your day to day actions. We all know everyone gets to believe different then us. But what do you do when their actions go against the very nature of who you are? Do you allow it? Do you attempt to teach them? Do you walk away?
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    Supporter kalynraye's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    So I have very few friends outside my kitchen world. Why? Because I spend more time in the restaurant with those people then I do at home or with my own family. So my group of friends is really small. We all come from different back grounds we all have different beliefs we are all very opinionated, and yet we are family. More family then my own siblings.

    We can and have gotten into fights during the middle of service. We yell and scream at each other, we act like children and when service is over we clean up we go to the bar have a drink with each other and all is forgiven. This goes with how we believe too. I might not agree with you and we might not see eye to eye but as long as you respect me then we are going to be alright. I'm not going to loose what few friends I have over politics. Those will just be issues we don't talk about, and trust me we've got plenty to talk about.

    I will admit I am way less tolerant of close minded people who are family or outside of my kitchen crew but even in this as long as you are not harassing me we will continue to be alright. I might unfollow you on facebook or cut down on the time we spend together if you keep trying to force your beliefs on me.
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

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    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    1. I try to avoid any kind of conflict. Even if my opinion is totally different from the other person's. For instance, I once talked with Bjorn about religion. Those who know her, know very well how badly she opposes religion. So I told her to treat it as a code and metaphor, not something real, in order to persuade her that not all lead to trouble. (Yes, I know how it sounds)

    2. Friends are very important for me. I don't tolerate those who don't pay attention to friendship or those who can be a threat to my positive bonds with people. I don't really care what a person believes in, as long as s/he doesn't harm anyone. But if the person has a problem with MY belief system, the person can keep the distance.

    If their deeds can harm my friends, me, someone I love or just someone that can appear useful in my future I do everything I can to stop those people. I have my own rules for such things. For instance, I'm connected by blood with my biological family. However I passed abuse by the hand of some people and nobody else from my family would believe me if I told them. So they're not family for me anymore. Which means I can get revenge for everything they have done to me. But I need their money in order to complete high school. My sister needs their money too and I don't want her to suffer. So I wait.
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    Silver Member Tylluan Penry's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    I do not tolerate disloyalty. End of. The ultimate deal breaker.
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    Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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    lady sings the blues DanieMarie's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    I try to be pretty tolerant. I have friends who have totally different beliefs and politics than I do, and that's fine. I think the dealbreaker comes when they expect me to conform to their views or when they can't discuss issues they don't agree with. I don't expect them to come around to my way of thinking, but if they can't even hear me out, that's a problem for me.

    And of course, there's deliberately hurting me...definitely a deal breaker.

  6. #6
    Supporter kalynraye's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    I feel the need to add, if you break my trust we are done! I am slow to give my loyalty but when I do You get all of it and I expect the same. Don't break my trust.
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

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  7. #7
    Sr. Member CrystalJackal's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    Quote Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
    *so let me start with stating why I started this thread. While reading the news on Trump and his potty mouth, I came upon a story about the show 'The Real'. A diverse group of women ala 'The View'. They are all women of color of some sort, Puerto Rican, Asian and black. One of the hosts also hosts the Miss USA pageant. She stated that she would not resign from that. Her other hosts/friends took to social media to express their dismay. Pretty much this:
    Girl, how can you work for a man who said that about my people?!

    So the hosts eventually changed her mind.


    So now we are caught up.

    Questions for the forum:

    ~How do you handle not only having different opinions on important matters from your friends, but also that have actions attached to those opinions?
    (my friend is Mexican, but I'm voting for Trump. My friend is African American, but I'm going to fly my Confederate car flag) Stuff like that.

    ~What are the opinions of others you will NOT tolerate in friends? Have you found out later something about a friend's belief and nixed them out of your life? And did you talk to that friend about it or just slowly stop communication?


    This isn't about people having different opinions here. I'm talking about those opinions moving into the realm of your day to day actions. We all know everyone gets to believe different then us. But what do you do when their actions go against the very nature of who you are? Do you allow it? Do you attempt to teach them? Do you walk away?
    Oh, gods.....
    This hits really close to home for me.
    Little background:
    My best friend since sixth grade is Muslim. And I love her to death, but there's one problem, and it's her opinion of sexuality. See, she has stated multiple times before she would never be friends with a homosexual. Problem? Yeah, I'm gay. She has no idea, I even had to lie right to her face when she ASKED me. But, I'd rather lie and stay in the closet. In my opinion, my sexuality isn't worth losing my only friend.
    I'll admit when she does make a derogatory comment towards homosexuals, I do argue with her. But at the end of the day we resign to the fact we have differing opinions and that's that.
    Luckily for me, I do have another group of friends I'm very close to where many of them are gay, bi etc. So I can confide in them.

    A dealbreaker for me would be if I EVER saw one of my friends BULLYING. I was bullied a lot when I was younger- the boys in my class quickly discovered my Aspergers made me easy to upset and even to make cry. I spent five years telling a dozen different adults about the same boys, but they never did a freaking thing. And all of the people in the class saw this, no one stood up for me. Well, nowadays I've learned I don't need to give a fuck what they think, but back then I didn't have the confidence I do know. So having that past, anytime I see a bully I destroy them. And if I ever saw one of my friends bullying, that's it. I would never speak to them again. That or if I found them abusing an animal, but I doubt that.
    Love me for who I am, not for who you want me to be.

  8. #8
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    I will go with the bullying. I have little tolerance and especially someone doing this to a "Learning disabled" person. I was once in line at a McDonald's and the cashier was a learning disabled person. The person ahead of me was being VERY rude and insulting to the Cashier,and it made me a bit angry..I must tell you I am about 6 foot,and intimidating because I have something of a "Rough" presence. I was constrained,but insistent when I placed my hand on this persons shoulder,and in no uncertain terms communicated my displeasure on how he was treating the cashier. For some unknown reason he decided he was no longer hungry and exited in something of a rush...must have forgotten something...
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  9. #9
    Copper Member Ula's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    I don't exactly hide my views. If you don't like my stuff or I don't like yours we are probably not friends. If you are a friend of mine you probably already know where I stand and we have hashed it out and agreed to disagree. I hate cheating on someone, married or living together or dating, if the person thinks it's monogamous and you are sneaking around it's cheating. My best friend was notorious for it. When she talked about I literally said nothing, just stared until she got the message. It's one part of her and I just choose to let her have it. She has since found a monogamous relationship and got married. It doesn't even come up now. I would have lost a great, loyal friend if I had put my foot down. At this point my friend have been around for 10 years or more. We are kinda past the getting to know each other phase.

  10. #10
    Sr. Member CrystalJackal's Avatar
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    Re: Friendship deal breakers

    Quote Originally Posted by anunitu View Post
    I will go with the bullying. I have little tolerance and especially someone doing this to a "Learning disabled" person. I was once in line at a McDonald's and the cashier was a learning disabled person. The person ahead of me was being VERY rude and insulting to the Cashier,and it made me a bit angry..I must tell you I am about 6 foot,and intimidating because I have something of a "Rough" presence. I was constrained,but insistent when I placed my hand on this persons shoulder,and in no uncertain terms communicated my displeasure on how he was treating the cashier. For some unknown reason he decided he was no longer hungry and exited in something of a rush...must have forgotten something...
    Good on you for that! People like that make my hackles raise.
    I once saw someone online who said people with Autism and Aspergers where the lowest life forms on Earth, completely useless and needed to be euthanized. He was also going around and picking on people who were autistic or had Aspergers. Naturally I got mad. So me, and an Autistic friend of mine, began rattling off every achievement we had (we're both very smart and artistic, so it was a lot) and then further questioned if he still thought that. He deleted all his comments on the subject quite soon after that ^^
    I can't help but stand up to people, online or off. I hate seeing people get picked on so much it's physically painful.......
    Love me for who I am, not for who you want me to be.

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