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Thread: Trying to make someone stand her ground

  1. #11
    Time Lord Apostle Malflick's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    I also admit I was wrong and side with masked.

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    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    Wow, so many replies in one night.. Thank you guys so much!

    MO - you're right here. I'll do my best to encourage her. I guess trying to influence will be quite a headache.
    She really doesn't seem to have any goals for the future. She's too connected to her new established pantheon. Almost all she does is talking about it. I asked her once about her plans for the future.
    She said she wanted to have a "normal", life with friends, family, et cetera... Well it's clear that she wants everything to be done for her by her parents.. Or maybe she just waits for the prince on the white horse..

    Thanks again, everyone for your support!
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



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  3. #13
    sea witch thalassa's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    I know its been said...but you can't make someone change.

    Honestly, this is her parent's job to take care of. (In my parenting philosophy, I consider it #7 on my "goals of parenting" list). Assuming you've read the situation right (you are fairly insightful, if something else was going on, I'd think you would have picked up on it), this is one of those "tough love" situations, over loving and positive support (which at this point is more like being an enabler)...but (to reiterate), that isn't your responsibility.
    “You have never answered but you did not need to. If I stand at the ocean I can hear you with your thousand voices. Sometimes you shout, hilarious laughter that taunts all questions. Other nights you are silent as death, a mirror in which the stars show themselves. Then I think you want to tell me something, but you never do. Of course I know I have written letters to no-one. But what if I find a trident tomorrow?" ~~Letters to Poseidon, Cees Nooteboom

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  4. #14
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    I had to kind of push and prod my son to help him out of the nest..He got mad for a little bit,but then I explained that he needed to learn to take care of himself,because(And this is a line most parents use I think) I will not be around forever. It can be tough because sometimes the kid resents what you do for more than a few years,BUT if you wait long enough they will come to you and thank you for the push. Being a parent is not for the weak,as a parent you want to keep them safe and protect them forever,but you have a responsibility to make them strong enough to handle the world.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I need to add something here...I grew up on welfare,with my Mother and 3 siblings,when I turned 18,my mother said to me "Get a job,or get out",in my case I had joined the navy while still in HS and still 17. They let me have my last summer and I reported in August on a Friday the 13th in 1965(lucky number BTW) I knew I faced the draft,and I liked the idea of being a sailor(my favorite uncle was a navy Vet)..He was at pearl harbor when it got hit...was wounded but survived..
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    Thal - I know it's not my responsibility. Of course, you and anu are right here and she has to do things herself, when it comes to this. It's just a bit hard for me to sit back, knowing she won't do anything with her life and waste precious time and possibly some good years of her life instead of using them somehow.

    We had an agreement, that once I get my degree (which is going to be after a good long while) both of us move into one apartment. Now I realize it's not gonna happen and I'll have to do things the old way - myself. But that doesn't bother me. The only thing that does is that she wastes her time. But like all of you said - I should back off and let her do it herself.
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



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    My mother is very much the kind of person that once we (her children) were of age, we had two options, in order to live under her roof. Go to school (college) or get a job and pay rent to her. Then there's moving out. I had a job since I started my senior year of high school. I "took off" 3 months when we moved from Michigan to Washington and she flipped out at me for not having a job or going to school. I started both in June of that year. A year later, I moved out. I've NEVER borrowed money from my parents. In fact, I've lent money to my mom, lol.

    Not everyone has the same parent teachings or ambitions to do things in life. If she always has an excuse to not do something, there's likely an underlying issue. May not be laziness. Could be anxiety or depression. Health issues. Regardless, she's going to have a very rude awakening one day if she doesn't stop up and get her life in order and it's not your job to make her "grow up" ( for a lack of a better term) and I know you're aware of that. It's nice that you're showing the compassion to help her but you can only do so much and the bottom line is, it's HER life.
    “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”
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    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    Thank you.
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



    Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

  8. #18
    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    I must admit depression also plays a part in her life and is caused by a specific event in her religion. Unfortunately she's not as strong psychologically and it affects her more.
    "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



    Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

  9. #19
    Sr. Member Luna's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    Gleb as many have said it is not your responsibility. Still it just shows how sweet and caring you are.

    I saw someone her talking about anxiety. But she does sounds a bit similar to some of my friends dealing with depression.

  10. #20
    Moderator Azvanna's Avatar
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    Re: Trying to make someone stand her ground

    Quote Originally Posted by MaskedOne View Post
    Don't.

    Literally, don't. You're an ocean away and about to be tied up several years with the Israeli military. You can encourage her but this is not a situation that you have any real power to influence and trying to take it up as a cause is only gonna give you heartache. She has to make her own way. You can support and advise but more than that isn't available to you at this point.
    Agreeing with MO on this one. This is drama you don't need. It sounds like she likes her life the way it is.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Gleb View Post
    Thal - I know it's not my responsibility. Of course, you and anu are right here and she has to do things herself, when it comes to this. It's just a bit hard for me to sit back, knowing she won't do anything with her life and waste precious time and possibly some good years of her life instead of using them somehow.

    We had an agreement, that once I get my degree (which is going to be after a good long while) both of us move into one apartment. Now I realize it's not gonna happen and I'll have to do things the old way - myself. But that doesn't bother me. The only thing that does is that she wastes her time. But like all of you said - I should back off and let her do it herself.
    Oh I've just seen this, sorry. Well done. Except maybe if you keep up your end, she may keep her part of the agreement. Sorry to drag this up. I really should check dates before posting again.

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