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    Forgiveness

    Is it a weakness or a strength? Is it for you, or for them? What does it mean to you, to "forgive"? Do you think that it is absolution or acceptance (or both, or something else)? What is unforgiveable?
    Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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    #2
    Re: Forgiveness

    In my opinion, forgiveness is a strength. Anyone can hate someone or get mad at someone for what they did, but getting over that takes some strength. In my mind, nothing is unforgivable. Even the worst human beings can change or feel regret. I don't think forgiveness is absolution (in my mind, absolution can only come is someone truly regrets what they did and takes steps to rectify their error). In my mind, forgiveness is closer to acceptance. I think it brings comfort to both the forgiver and the forgiven. It brings comfort to the forgiver by ensuring that they don't live with a grudge, and it comforts the forgiven by ensuring that there's at least one person who is not mad at them.

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      #3
      Re: Forgiveness

      It's strength. Simply because it doesn't leaves all the hatred inside us and lets it go. For me, to forgive is to forget what happened. I don't know if it's absolution or acceptance, I really don't.
      As for something unforgivable - it varies from person to person. For instance, I can't forgive my mother for approximately 10 years of abuse and my father for always taking her side and saying it's the effect of her work.
      For me, there are no excuses.
      "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



      Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

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        #4
        Re: Forgiveness

        Forgiveness recently for me has been another one of those double edged swords.

        On the bad side....my forgiveness is something that has always been taken advantage of. For years people will do the same crap over and over again, because they know I can't seem to kick them out of my life permanently and keep letting them back in after they apologize to the point of it took my husband actually coming home to Ohio and being around the main culprit for a while to realize what I'd been talking about for years as to why I didn't want the guy in my life even as a friend and that his "friendship" was a seriously abusive relationship. That no matter how good it is of me to just forgive and forget, it doesn't help when people just take advantage of that.

        On the good side though....I recently forgave a friend for...well, a lack of better way of putting it abandoning me when I moved to Texas a few years back (Some of you may remember this incident and how messed up I was). Well, he came back now that the psycho is out of his life and in his own words "Wanted to apologize for becoming the worlds biggest asshole" and try and make things right. Honestly-my initial response had been to want to throw my phone across the room when I saw I had a message from him at all and ignore it, but my husband reminded me that I can't take one screw up, albeit a very big one, and treat it as a "I'm done, you screwed up once-good bye" and should at least talk to him. Best decision I've ever made. I have my best friend back, and I've actually been not nearly as depressed and all the pain that I'd tried to hide, or push away, or just get rid of is finally actually gone. Both from forgiving him for being an idiot, and from having him back around and there for me like he'd been before. It's honestly like he never left-we just grabbed a bookmark, marked the page, closed it for a bit....the book got tossed around in a few moves and battered, then we picked it up and resumed reading.

        There's honestly not much that I would call "completely unforgivable" to me. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone screws up. Forgive them mostly for yourself so you can get the closure but if you decide not to let them back into your life after something, that's a different story. I've had several people that I've forgiven but told them that they aren't welcome back around me which they understood and took it as it was-closure for all around.
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          #5
          Re: Forgiveness

          Forgiveness isn't a weakness. Forgiving someone and letting the same person hurt you in the same way, again and again, is a problem. I've forgiven people just to wash them out of my soul--it had nothing to do with them. I just needed to get past them so I didn't have to deal with them anymore on any level.

          That being said, i will generally try (I said TRY) to forgive someone that hurt me, especially if they're someone I care about. But, I have a finite number of times I'm willing to (depending on the person and the circumstances). When a friend when nuts insulting me on facebook, I forgave him once. When he did it again, I cut him out of my life. I'm not THAT much of a masochist.
          Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

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            #6
            Re: Forgiveness

            I always say that the first person we should forgive is ourselves.
            www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


            Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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              #7
              Re: Forgiveness

              Originally posted by Tylluan Penry View Post
              I always say that the first person we should forgive is ourselves.
              That always seems to be the hardest person to forgive.
              Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

              Honorary Nord.

              Habbalah Vlogs

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                #8
                Re: Forgiveness

                Originally posted by habbalah View Post
                That always seems to be the hardest person to forgive.
                Absolutely - that's why it has to be the first!
                www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                  #9
                  Re: Forgiveness

                  Originally posted by Tylluan Penry View Post
                  I always say that the first person we should forgive is ourselves.
                  I like this.

                  I also think that forgiveness is a strength, as long as it is centered on our healing. To me, isn't like confession, where it wipes the slate clean. I think forgiveness means that we accept what happened and agree to move past it. It doesn't mean that we forget about it or that it won't inform the future choices we make.
                  A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'Universe,' limited in time and space. He experiences himself...as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us... Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the of whole nature in its beauty...
                  --Albert Einstein

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                    #10
                    Re: Forgiveness

                    Forgiving is easier said than done.
                    Yikes, all that cultural appropriation that used to be here tho

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                      #11
                      Re: Forgiveness

                      I am not the best at forgiving. I have a really hard time with it, including forgiving myself. Everyone makes mistakes everyone feels regret but is it regret for ones actions or for being caught? I guess I'm a bit of a cynic in this. I think being able to forgive and let go of something is a blessing and a gift and I do not believe it's a weakness but I also don't believe that holding onto something is always poisoning.
                      I don't forgive the guy who molested me and the other little girl, I don't forgive the man who beat my mother for 10 years. Do I wish them I'll will? No but you will not have my absolution for your crimes.
                      "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

                      "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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                        #12
                        Re: Forgiveness

                        Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                        Is it a weakness or a strength? Is it for you, or for them? What does it mean to you, to "forgive"? Do you think that it is absolution or acceptance (or both, or something else)? What is unforgiveable?
                        I'm going to try to answer this without being flippant because forgiveness is a big part of my life. Or lack there of I guess.

                        Is it a weakness or strength? It can be both. It's a weakness if you place forgiveness in front of your own self worth. Like yeah, I'm gonna forgive him every single time he hits me. Because I loooove him. No. And it's definitely a strength because forgiveness can help you move past a trauma and back into the living world.

                        I personally have been both weak and strong in this area. I was weak when I was younger and I let someone really be disrespectful to me. And I kept forgiving them. Over and over until they smashed me into a hard bitch.

                        And I've been strong in forgiveness. I forgave my grandmother for her evil ways after she died. I acknowledged her evilness and added no excuse to it. Yet I also learned a lot from her and am thankful for that.

                        I'll skip to what is unforgivable to me. When you damage me enough that there is no repair. When you take from me until I cannot take it back. When I am less than what I was born, then there is no forgiveness.

                        And as an ending I will add this: I do not forgive. Ever. I hold it tight to me. A sword and armor. And so when I come to a point where I know I will not forgive you, I will part ways with you. Without fan fare. Without tears. Without drama. I do this because it's fair to both you and I. I know I will not forgive you, so why put you through misery?
                        Satan is my spirit animal

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                          #13
                          Re: Forgiveness

                          And has anyone ever notice that the people who shriek loudest that 'you must forgive' are often the people who caused the problem in the first bloody place?
                          www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                          Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                            #14
                            Re: Forgiveness

                            IMHO - To forgive is vital. Without it, hate and anger build up in the individual until there is little room left for anything else.

                            This is true particularly when one can not (or will not) forgive one's self. For example, those of you with memories may have seen me poke people I call "self loathers" with verbal sticks. These are the people who despise all of humanity (which must include them as well) for errors of the past. This is counterproductive.

                            Forgiveness, in my experience, comes best when there is understanding. Understanding + empathy (there but for the grace of God go I) = compassion. And compassion and forgiveness are Siamese twins that can not be separated.

                            Forgiveness does not equal absolution. The human mind requires balance, or it becomes unbalanced - this the the reason that the concept of "justice" exists.

                            In order to forgive the one being forgiven must, in some very real way, make restitution in order the restore that mental balance. Without restitution, forgiveness, which can be a great strength, is a weakness.

                            This most especially true when it is the self that one is forgiving. We like to forgive ourselves for being assholes so that we can go on being assholes. When forgiving the self, restitution is made by changing the self. I can forgive myself for being an asshole every time I could be an asshole but choose not to be. Without making restitution, forgiveness of the self is mere bla bla bla.
                            Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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                              #15
                              Re: Forgiveness

                              Depends on the meaning you give it. If the action means nothing to you then being forgived or forgiving is nothing more than a facade. If it means a lot to you, then you will likely want people to do something to fix the damage they did.

                              I believe that it is fine to forgive those who wronged you if they are willing to (at least) not do it again since it implies a commitment on their part.

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