Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

[anunitu]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

Thing is in some parts the religious are in Government positions enough so that the Father "Might" end up accused by the wife of "Corrupting" the son with what in some communities might label "Bad" religious" beliefs,remember the recent outburst about "Wiccan ritual murders" So,best not rock those boats..

[unseen1]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

Thanks for all the responses!

Unfortunately his mom is the custodial parent . They are in the "buckle" of the bible belt so church attendance is highly "encouraged". I have had the discussion with him regarding respecting others beliefs and how he needs to keep it on the down-low for his mom's sake. I want him to make his own choices, and learning about Christianity can help him work all that out. So it is not completely a bad thing.

I do agree that forcing him to go will not have the effect she desires. He is stubborn, just like his dad

Thanks,
Jason

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

I wanted to respond much more in detail than I had earlier, but being at work and on my phone sort of prevented that. I'd like to take the opportunity to do so now.

I was raised Roman Catholic, and as far as I know the only member of my family who was NOT R.C. was my maternal grandfather, who was Episcopalian (if I remember correctly). While it wasn't an upbringing in which we would sit around and talk about God or religion, my brothers and I were all required to go to "Sunday School" until we made our Confirmation, and we would go to church every weekend with our parents. At the time, I knew that I really disliked going, to the point that I would try to fake not feeling well, or sleeping so late on Sundays so that I wouldn't have to go, but most times I was dragged along anyhow. This pretty much continued until I was 17 and left to go to college. After that, upon coming home, I made it clear that I did not want to go, and while they were a little unhappy about that choice, they honored it and it was never really brought up again.


I was 15 when I made my Confirmation, and part of the process to do so was that we all went on a meditative, religious retreat to pray, to contemplate, and to spend time listening for that still, small voice of God to lead us to our "adult" Christian path. Interestingly enough, it was then that I realized that it WASN'T the path for me. Like bowling pins, one by one the other students would come rushing in to the hall elated that they had gotten their sign and that they heard His voice or felt His touch, all the while I sat there and struggled to pray the right way or to think the right things so that I could do that too, but it never came. Instead, I found myself spending more and more time away from the church and the consecrated halls, walking around the boulders and trees, and the like that surrounded the property. I didn't know it then, but I would have to say that I was tapping into something more primal, more earthly.

As I had gotten older, I realized that my middle brother (I'm the youngest of three) always felt uncomfortable going as well, and it became clear as to why when he came out as being gay. My oldest brother, on the other hand, remained a church goer and has retained the religion, marrying and raising his children as Roman Catholic as well. Growing up, I didn't really know anything about Paganism in any form until I was in high school, when my middle brother brought home some books from college, little "handbooks" to Celtic and Norse deities and Wiccan practices within them. That kicked it off for me, and was the direction I ended up moving toward.

My ex-wife dabbled a bit with Wicca along with me while we were dating, though after we got married she went back to Christianity (also having been raised Roman Catholic) while I strayed from Wicca to Heathenism (though now I identify as Northern Trad instead). She and I had gotten into a huge argument regarding future children, and their religious upbringing, as she insisted they would be brought up going to church, and I strongly disagreed, stating that I felt we should take the time to teach him or her about all sorts of religion and when the time came, let the child choose his or her path. It was a major issue between us, and luckily we got divorced before children came into the picture. Now, while I can't say I come from a situation just like yours, I feel I can relate a little bit because of those discussions with my ex, as it sort of could have created a similar situation.

To me, there are some things that I feel parents can enforce upon their children, such as manners, good behavior, politeness, all around don't-be-a-douchebagness, and the ability to be able to take care of yourself if needs be (rudimentary cooking, cleaning, etc). But other than that, I also feel it is the parents' responsibility to impart as much knowledge and opportunity of choice that they can into their legacy, to make sure they know where they come from but to also give them the confidence and the security in themselves to decide where they want to go from there. There's a big difference between demanding that a child doesn't jump off of roofs "because it's fun" since they could damage themselves, and demanding that they sit and pray to a god that they don't care about or connect with just because it's what everyone else does. Perhaps it's just the stubborn Northern Trad in me, but there comes a point in time when the person who knows what's best for me turns out to be me. The advice is always to pick your battles, and this would be one that I would choose to fight.

[unseen1]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

Once again thanks for all the responses!

My Ex dabbled in the occult as well, not sure if any of it could be called Wicca though. She has lead less than "righteous" (best word I could think of) life, and the conversion is an attempt to make amends. I hope she finds some peace, but I don't want her shoving it down my boys throat. She actually was asking where to find some "smudge" sticks over the weekend. I know many traditions use such methods but it seemed strange given her attitude toward the Pagan faiths. Anyway, next time my boy is up we'll be able to discuss things some more and give him some suggestions for dealing with his mom.

Thanks all,
Jason

[anunitu]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

I know the sudden conversion thing..My mother was kind of a party type before her and my father split,then after they separated,she went hell bent to find a christian church,dragging me and my brother and sisters through about 30 of them over a 6 month period. When the dust settled it was an SDA church she got deep into.

[kalynraye]

Re: Question on sons worship of the old gods when his mother does not approve.

It could be worse: you ex might have converted to Islam.

I'm sorry but how can converting to Islam be any worse then a born again Christian?


Besides that question I think everyone has basically covered every bit of advice I could possibly give. If she wants him to go to church does it have to be the one she goes to?? For instance could he go to a U.U. Church?