Greetings everyone,

My apologies if my thread is out of place. I'm seeking guidance here because I'm nearly at the point of giving up.
In any case, I'll have to tell you my story which I hope will give you background information necessary to understand what I go through.
It started out last January, when I sought to learn about divination. I was immediately attracted to Runes, and I used Elder Futhark.
After about two weeks of regular Runic meditations, writing a set of prayers for casting in my Book of Shadow and consecrating my Rune set,
I was able to cast and interpret the runes with surprising success for myself, close friends and family.
Then I began to learn Galdr and Seidhr. At this point I practiced Galdr daily, as I felt like the chant brought me to almost an immediate focus on whatever Runes I meditated on.

On a most opportune night, about 2 months after my initial study on Runes, I fell asleep while doing Galdr. I focused on Anzuz and Laguz at that time.
In my dream, I was lifted up by a naked marble skinned, long and fair-haired Giant with long white beard with a huge white stone sphere (much like Atlas) on his shoulder, from the depth of an ocean. He stood waist deep in the dark turbulent water before handing me the massive globe which I struggled to receive.
"It's yours now" he said, before everything went dark except for the rivers of stars above.
I woke up feeling incredible. Energized. Above all I felt enlightened, amazingly so. The sensation continued for 4 days before it gradually dissipated.
During this period, I swear, I could almost guess which Runes would appear in casting, or if anyone needed me, among many other things. My intuition sharpened to a point where my prediction is scared me with its accuracy. This was not normal.

Anyway, one night after a deep, long meditation, I entered a trance-like phase where I seemed to travel to unfamiliar places. I did not fall asleep, because I consciously asked myself: "Where on earth am I?". I repeated my question to the entities I met in corridors of what looked like a hospital. These entities were humans, in various degrees of suffering (damaged face, no legs, holes in torso, coughing blood, slit throat, etc.). They only point me out to a door at the end of the complex corridor. I entered. And this was where it got scary.

I shall try to explain it as best I could. But no words could possibly describe what I felt back then. All I wanted was to return to my body, or wake up, or run away, whatever... My instinct was simply to get the hell out of there. I tried, to no avail. Something compelled me to step on the floating labyrinthine platforms of black, shining, glass like material. It's twisted form floated in space (Yes, space, with the star constellations and all).
At the end of these narrow bridges was a long, gradually ascending ramp leading to a round, wide platform.
There was a high-backed throne of glossy black stone. Three sets of Runes glowed brightly in white and blue, forming a concentric circle. Pacing in front of the throne was an Old Man, wearing layers of long purple robes lined with gold on their edges. He had white hair, long white beard and bright grey left eye. He squinted all the time with his right eye. He wore no crown but the godly majesty of this Old Man was overwhelming. To say that I felt so small and insignificant was an understatement.

I stopped and stood at the end of the bridge. I dared not even to step on "His" platform. I was motionless in awe, and although every fiber in me told me to get out but something fixed me in place. The Old Man was deep in thought. He seemed indifferent, but was very well aware of my presence there. He asked who I was and why have I come so far. I told him my name and said "I don't know why I'm here". He seemed to know my answers already and simply nodded when I opened my mouth. He had an arrogant air, but he is not unkind. He was firm, and the wisdom he projected was awe inspiring. I knew all this by being in his presence alone.

I didn't know who he was and dared not to ask. After a moment of silence, courage failed me and I withdraw myself politely. He said "Come again" before he wove me away. I then returned suddenly to my room and had this weird floating feel for a few hours. Covered in cold sweat, I could not sleep for two days. Only after I recovered that I discovered my divination results didn't make sense anymore and my intuition dulled. I could not guess if someone was standing outside my room, even if my life depended on it.

Deep meditation sessions, ceremonies, sacrifices and practice recovered some of my previous gifts, but nowhere close to the initial experience. Previously, I could simply say "My one foot is in this realm, my other foot steps into another", close my eyes and I'd instantly focus and "travel". Now, astral travel is a feat for me. Since then on, I have only traveled three times with success, that was after much effort and concentration, and only because the need was great.


You read my story, so here is my plea. I want to see this Old Man again. His words "Come again", echoed in my ears repetitively, but I have been unable to see him again. I tried so many different methods... rituals, chakra meditations, guided astral travel, performing blot, invocation... you name it. To no avail. As someone who has been living a very spiritual life and deeply involved in shamanic practice since early age, losing contact with a Deity is like losing an arm. Not having access to my previous abilities makes me felt crippled.

Here is where I need your advice, fellow Pagans and Heathens. I'm willing to hear whatever you wish to say. Call me crazy if you like, but advice me.
Thank you in advance.