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Thread: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

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    sea witch thalassa's Avatar
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    Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    ...as opposed to willful and intentional disobedience?

    How? Why?


    (and by punish, I mean punative action rather than the natural consequence of the action)
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    Sr. Member faye_cat's Avatar
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    I hope this is what you meant, because I'm really tired and having trouble focusing my thoughts. =)

    It depends.

    For younger kids, I definitely try to talk to them and explain the consequences of their actions. ("You wouldn't stop hopping while carrying <item x> and knocked down <young child>" or "Because you forgot to pick up your toys until it was bedtime, you lose them until you earn them back.") If the the lapse in judgement is caused by a distraction, I remove that distraction until such time that they understand (Varies based on the child's maturity).

    If the consequence is more severe (important item broken, person hurt worse than just a bump, etc), then yes, I will punish them in some way. They will probably lose privileges, and definitely lose the distraction, and possibly have to do extra work to make up for it.

    However, everyone makes mistakes, even those who should know better. I believe in explaining it clearly to the child, not berating them to the point of tears like I've seen some people do. The point is to correct the behavior for the future, not shame the child.
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    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    Generally, natural consequences occur for mistakes or errors in judgement. I'd prefer to let the kid face his/her own self-created music.

    But there are some things where the consequences don't show up until the damage is difficult to repair (drug addiction, for example), or lapses in judgement can be fatal (drinking and driving, for example). In such cases some kind of appropriate action needs to be taken... but what that is will depend on the thing itself, the causes, and the individual concerned.

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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    I used to get punished for making mistakes on tests at school. Usually, I knew the right answer or how to get the right answer, and just added wrong, or wrote a little outside the line, etc., to get marked anything less than 100 (which was disgraceful at home). All this really did, in the big picture, was make me count the days until freedom.

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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    Depends. For instance as a kid (until a certain age, I don't remember. Approximately until age of 8) I was racist because I was raised that way. Then I changed. A lot in the kids' perspectives depends on parenting. So if the kid says something wrong, then they should be told so and have shown the right way.
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    Silver Member monsno_leedra's Avatar
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    I honestly do not have a one size fits all response for it. Sometimes punishment maybe a swat on the butt, smack on the hands or being placed on a time out / grounding. It all depends upon what the mistake, error and intentional or unintentional.

    But if it's an error such as a school test failure because they didn't study much less try then yes they will get a time out and loose something. If it's a failure say due to not knowing the material or not understanding the material then they won't get the time out or loose something. Loosing something usually like playing on their tablet, watching a favorite show, getting a certain desert or being allowed to stay up a bit later.
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    If they are making mistakes because they do not have the knowledge available to them to make an informed decision, then no.

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    Head Above Water habbalah's Avatar
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    Punished? No. I think they should be corrected, so they can understand why what they did was wrong, but punishing someone for making a mistake isn't helpful, I feel.
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    ...uhh Bjorn's Avatar
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    Quote Originally Posted by habbalah View Post
    Punished? No. I think they should be corrected...
    Agreed. Correction often comes with a sense of humiliation or shame even if the parent isn't trying to evoke those feelings in their children, so being carefully corrected so that they don't make similar mistakes is usually emotionally evocative enough to make the lesson stick, in my experience.

    Punishment is different -- punishment is deserved and justified. Willful disobedience should be corrected more sternly, in my opinion. That's where punishment comes in.
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    Re: Should kids be punished for mistakes or errors of judgement?

    Love and discipline. Children need love to feel accepted but they need discipline to gain confidence.

    I gave both to my children and they gave both to their children. When children learn that there are consequences for their action they learn to think before acting. They have confidence in their actions as long as the "right and wrong" remains constant and the love and discipline remains constant. If the rules constantly change and the discipline constantly changes they they have no firm boundaries upon which to form a secure base. all of my children turned into responsible adults despite the fact that my wife (ex wife now) was an addict and most of the time absent. They were good kids and they have had good kids.

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