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Thread: Parental Revelation

  1. #1
    Copper Member Briton's Avatar
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    Parental Revelation

    So on the drive to see my grandad in Wales with just my mum, which made things easier, the subject of belief came up. Last thing she knew, we had stopped going to an Orthodox church and that it was probably because we had nowhere close to go after it moved.

    However, I couldn't lie to her, so when she asked I had no choice but to come out of my spiritual closet. It was very strange because at the moment I am not sure what I am, but thankfully she is live and let live Christian. My dad however is unpredictable. He is young earth non-trinitarian ie doesn't believe Jesus is God but believes the first people were around 6,000 years ago. 'Coming out' to him will be more difficult. Well, one parent down, but when I relayed the conversation to my (atheist) wife, she rather disparagingly asked "what, so you believe in gods and spirits?"

    Well, it was 11pm and I was in no mood to make a statement so I just brushed it off with ambiguity. But this does raise an issue. I thought she was cool with my pagan leanings and animistic/ancestral honoring beliefs. Maybe I haven't been talking to her about these things as much as I have to myself in my head.

    What would you do in this situation? Mindful that I can't really experiment with any ritual in the house without it being very obvious.

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    Sr. Member Thrudr's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    You could ask your father first what he thinks about other beliefs than his own and then tell him about your path. If he reacts in a negative way you can tell him that it's your life choice and it doesn't affect him or his life. By that, I mean he doesn't have to be there when you do a ritual of celebrate something and you won't shove your beliefs in his face all the time. Maybe ask your mother to be there when you tell him, since she is already good with it.

    With your wife it's best to just talk to her about it. She might be upset about it or not. Just don't leave the elephant in the room be. Your belief is a part of you, just like atheism is a part of her. Communication is the key. If you want to start doing rituals in your house, just start small. Like placing a few small pagan objects on a modest altar. See how she reacts to it and discuss it.

  3. #3
    Copper Member Briton's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    Hi, thanks for the advice.

    Unfortunately it's not my house, whilst I'm at college, my wife and I are having to temporarily live with my parents. That's why I can't do anything in the house!

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    Bronze Member Munin-Hugin's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    At the very least you have had the chance to discuss it. My folks want no part of it, not even any sort of discussion of the matter.

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    Copper Member Briton's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    Quote Originally Posted by Munin-Hugin View Post
    At the very least you have had the chance to discuss it. My folks want no part of it, not even any sort of discussion of the matter.
    Well, my mum didn't deliberately discuss it. When she asked "where I was", she didn't expect me to come out with "yeah I'm not a Christian any more in fact I'm interested in the ancient pre-Christian practices". That said, she did ask what it was about it that interested me. So I am thankful for that. In her twenties and thirties she "looked around" with alternative medicine and stuff, met a spiritualist until the ol' crone freaked her out.

    When you say they want no part of it, not even any sort of discussion, is that "do what you have to do, just don't bring me into it." or is it more restrictive than that?

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    Supporter kalynraye's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    I was a lucky one in the fact that my mother is herself a pagan. I showed interest and she introduced me to the right people, and purchased my first few books and things for me. That was over 12 years ago, so knowledge is a lot more easier to come by..or difficult depending on how you look at it. As for my Dad he is a spiritual man in his own right. On paper he is Christian but he is one of the most open-minded individuals I have ever known and its weird to say that because it only recently dawned on me how open-minded he has always been. However when he found out his daughter was interested in witchcraft and paganism at 16 he wasn't very happy. Not happy because he didn't know what it was and had individuals telling him it was worshiping Satan(no offense to Satanists or Duce) and casting curses on people. Thats not what my path is or has ever been. So we did have a huge blow out but when he stopped yelling(hes a yell first think later guy) and listened to me yell (I'm the same way) he decided it wasn't so very bad. We have only had one conversation about faith since then and that was to tell me when we die he would like to see his daughter in the after-life. I've got a pretty good Dad.

    As for my spouse he isn't religious, I'd say he is agnostic. He lets me believe my way and thats that. We do have a difference on opinion when it comes to faith and children. His mother is a Easter/Christmas and some Sunday Christian. She goes because it makes her look good, and she makes her children go. So that has left a very bitter taste in his mouth. You need to have a serious conversation with your wife. You need to know where she stands and she needs to know where you stand your beliefs.
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

    "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

  7. #7
    Sr. Member faye_cat's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    I don't discuss my faith with my parents or siblings. They thought I was in a cult for even studying other religions and hanging out with pagans. They aren't even super religious, I didn't go to church regularly until high school, and that was with my friends, not my family. They were definitely a "Thanksgiving Grace and Christmas Mass" type of family. Not exactly good examples of living the Biblical life either. My brother once tried to use the fact that I believed in God to argue gay marriage against me, and he's never really been to church either (Until he got married and his wife goes on the occasional Sunday). So yeah, I'm not giving them anything else they can use against me. I'll discuss religion, but I'll never let them know my personal beliefs.

    My husband is one of the pagans I met in college. He's aware of my beliefs and I'm aware of his, they mesh pretty well. =)
    “I am Cat and I walk alone and all ways are the same to me.” ~Rudyard Kipling, The Cat Who Walks By Himself

  8. #8
    Sr. Member SleepingCompass's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    I know my family wouldn't care if I did decide to outright say it, but I've never felt the need to. I'm not good at hiding stuff, so they've all seen the books, tarot cards, runes stones and altars over the years. My mom often gives me presents in this vain (she gave me both my first book of witch craft, my first tarot deck and my first set of runes), but we never talk about it. Sometimes one of my siblings will allude to it, but they don't really outright say anything either. It works for my family and I


  9. #9
    Bronze Member Munin-Hugin's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    Quote Originally Posted by Briton View Post
    Well, my mum didn't deliberately discuss it. When she asked "where I was", she didn't expect me to come out with "yeah I'm not a Christian any more in fact I'm interested in the ancient pre-Christian practices". That said, she did ask what it was about it that interested me. So I am thankful for that. In her twenties and thirties she "looked around" with alternative medicine and stuff, met a spiritualist until the ol' crone freaked her out.

    When you say they want no part of it, not even any sort of discussion, is that "do what you have to do, just don't bring me into it." or is it more restrictive than that?
    It's more than that. While they don't come out right and say that I'm wrong for not going to church or continuing with the Roman Catholic upbringing they gave me, they seem to make it a point to mention their faith in passing quite often. "Oh, I was so upset with your father the other day. He made us so late for church that we had to go to another service", or things like "would you like to come with us to see your brother and his boys singing in the church choir this weekend?", to even mentioning that while the radio station I listen to plays good music, they like to listen to the catholic station. Which is strange, because growing up they didn't seem to be overly religious like that.

    I even invited them to my dumb supper this weekend, explained it all, and was flat out told that they didn't think it would go over well.

  10. #10
    Supporter kalynraye's Avatar
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    Re: Parental Revelation

    Quote Originally Posted by Munin-Hugin View Post
    I even invited them to my dumb supper this weekend, explained it all, and was flat out told that they didn't think it would go over well.
    Your supper is not dumb. Its a beautiful idea and I'm sure it will be delicious.
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

    "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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