pretty privelege

[thalassa]

How does being attractive convey advantage? Should this be mitigated, and how?

[DanieMarie]

Re: pretty privelege

It does and it doesn't. When I was younger and "hotter," a lot of things came easily to me, but people also tended to think I was dumb without even letting me open my mouth. I'd hear things like "oh, you're actually really smart" all the time. I guess part of this is also how I carried myself, but I still really wonder about it.

So, free stuff, yes, lots. Advantage in my career? Not really.

[Medusa]

Re: pretty privelege

Being attractive gets you lots of attention. Both the good kind and the horrid kind.

[Thrudr]

Re: pretty privelege

It does and it doesn't. When I was younger and "hotter," a lot of things came easily to me, but people also tended to think I was dumb without even letting me open my mouth. I'd hear things like "oh, you're actually really smart" all the time. I guess part of this is also how I carried myself, but I still really wonder about it.

So, free stuff, yes, lots. Advantage in my career? Not really.

People say I'm attractive, although I think I just look 'normal'. Nothing too special or anything. I get free stuff, mostly drinks at bars I didn't ask for. I only think that's annoying, because when a man buys you a drink it equals "now you have to stay here and talk to me". Of course when I refuse and tell them to drink it up themselves, I'm a bitch. So yeah: "hurray.... free stuff...." :/

I also have to deal with the "oh, you're actually really smart" part too. People often don't really listen to what I have to say and I have to keep reminding people of my ideas. Then they will first try any other idea they can think of before giving mine a shot. It does make a high "I-told-you-so-factor" :P

[KarrinMurphy]

Re: pretty privelege

There have been studies showing that more conventionally attractive people are hired before their less attractive counterparts. They also get raises with more frequency than uglier people. So, yes, a bias does exist.

Not sure how to solve the problem considering there's no standard scale to which we could measure others. It's more of an overall effect-and even if we did try, I feel like it'd be awful. Make people feel like cows at the slaughterhouse. Very objectifying, which is bad enough on women as it is.

It happens differently with genders, also. Taller men are more successful and make more money on average. Whether that's because they're getting handouts or because their self-confidence is higher due to innate increased likability, I don't know. I'm not a man, and men are privvy to all sorts of things ladies aren't.

[DanieMarie]

Re: pretty privelege

There are definitely downsides to the objectification bit. I was never super hot or anything, but I was attractive, and I noticed. Now that I'm older and "less desirable", I notice that I'm more invisible, and it's totally wonderful. When I was younger, I never got to be invisible. I couldn't go out without people staring at me and I often got a lot of rude comments. I even got followed on a few separate occasions (one guy even waited outside my apartment...I was thisclose to calling the police, but then he gave up and left). I think stuff like that stuck with me for a long time, especially the comments. I started getting really sexual comments made at me when I was really young, like 12 or 13 (and before people go talking about pedophiles, they were all made by older boys, like 16-17). I was getting comments like that made at me before I even felt any control over my own body and my own sexuality. I don't think I felt like I was in control of my own sexual agency until a couple of years ago. I don't know....some people can brush comments off and walk through experiences like those totally unscathed, but I've never been that kind of person. When I was younger, I cared oh so much about what other people thought and words had a serious power to hurt me.

I've kind of wondered what life would have been like for me if I hadn't completely lost my confidence at such a young age. Now that I'm gaining a little bit (even if I'm still not totally comfortable in my own skin), I see what a positive difference it makes. I think that could be some of the advantage that attractive people really gain. Although some people end up like me, some end up above average in the confidence department. And I think confidence is a HUGE advantage.

[B. de Corbin]

Re: pretty privelege

At what point do we stop trying to make people feel guilty for the way they were born?

Homework assignment. Everybody read Harrison Bergeron, by Kurt Vonnegut, God Dammit.

[Medusa]

Re: pretty privelege

Let's be real. Half the 'pretty' people were not born that way.

[B. de Corbin]

Re: pretty privelege

Let's be real. Half the 'pretty' people were not born that way.

Neither are half the strong people, smart people, hard working people, people who manage time effectively, graceful people, rich people, etc., ad infinitum.

[Medusa]

Re: pretty privelege

Neither are half the strong people, smart people, hard working people, people who manage time effectively, graceful people, rich people, etc., ad infinitum.

Are you equating actions of turning self into something better to that of the plastic surgeon's knife? Cuz that's what I'm getting to. Unless you can pay to instantly turn yourself into a hard working individual. I'm pretty sure you can't just go out and buy that like a pair of boobs.

I don't think we should judge pretty people. They were probably ugly just like us before they paid the doctor. You never know.

[B. de Corbin]

Re: pretty privelege

What I'm thinkin' is that people do so love to hate, and will find a reason to do it, no matter what. Skin color, better looking, richer, smarter, more skill, stronger, drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon, whatever.

[Medusa]

Re: pretty privelege

I agree. And if knowing how people are biased toward beautiful, I'm not one to be a hater to someone who takes advantage of that.

[ThePaganMafia]

Re: pretty privelege

Sorry, but I just can't help but look this good.

[THANK...]

Re: pretty privelege

I always hung out with an attractive crowd, at least in my eyes, and I heard stories of them getting free drinks, extra whipcream on their coffee, getting off with a warning instead of a ticket, but I have also heard the exact same stories from people I do not find attractive at all. The attractive privilege isn't real to me, neither is the race thing, because I haven't really ever witnessed it. Nor the whole men have better jobs. Maybe my ignorance is bliss and I'm okay with that; I would rather live in an ignorant world where people are treated equally and based upon their work ethic and attitude instead of if they have a clitoris or penis or if they or pink or beige.

What I'm thinkin' is that people do so love to hate, and will find a reason to do it, no matter what. Skin color, better looking, richer, smarter, more skill, stronger, drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon, whatever.

Well, at least PBR makes people seem more interesting and prettier than they really are. So, kudos to cheap beer.

[DanieMarie]

Re: pretty privelege

I only know four people who have had plastic surgery, and all four were incredibly attractive to begin with. Three of them didn't do anything to their face, and the one who did looked significantly worse afterwards (seriously, I don't know why absolutely stunningly attractive women would get lip injections).

I'm sure it's different in California (I have a few friends who moved to LA and they always talk about how people just get it there like it's nothing), but I don't think that most people who are attractive paid for it in the rest of the world.

Anyway, the most successful people I know aren't particularly attractive. They're not unattractive, but they're average. BUT they know how to present themselves (well dressed, well groomed), they have amazing personalities, and they're fairly outgoing. I think those three put together can do a lot more for you than looks ever could.