(I just couldn't come up with any other title than that. It is kind of fitting after all... Baaa.)
I've recently started missing my weird past with a spiritual podcast constantly on my ears, reading books and you know, being a poser with spiritual identity. (I'm not going to lie, that feels awesome from time to time, if you can put up with yourself acting that way!) I miss having some guidelines to obey (as if I could ever obey them, I certainly didn't!)
I do have some Pagan reading materials, I do spend time in the nature but it seems like I just miss... something. I had that "getting connected" thread here before but this is a bit different. Now I can get connected but it feels a bit superficial. A bit less authentic than it would be to have a spiritual authority to quote and listen to. (Which is not necessarily something I'd like to do.) I'm still, mostly unconsciously, looking at paganism through the frame of authoritarianism: is it an old belief that promotes "spiritual values" instead of hedonism and comes from an old guy with a white beard? If it is, then YES, I'LL ACCEPT THIS PATH AS MY LORD AND SAVIOUR. But quite often, it is not so. (And no, I don't want to get into team Jesus either.)
In a rational sense, one thing I like about Paganism that the wisdom doesn't have to come from a rigid set of beliefs promoted by a priestly figure who has probably been brainwashed his entire life and still has nasty carnal inclinations (I'm not referring to anyone spefically, this things happen everywhere!) But at the same time I'm afraid of getting into the biggest ego trip every because the wisdom can come from anyone, even from myself which I still consider as something really, really blasphemous. Me as my own spiritual authority? Heck no! (To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to get rid of that thought because I do have selfish tendencies and boosting them with spirituality would lead to a disaster.)
Tl;dr, I want someone to tell me what to do and how to behave - but I suppose it would be a bit better to grow up and make up my mind?
I've recently started missing my weird past with a spiritual podcast constantly on my ears, reading books and you know, being a poser with spiritual identity. (I'm not going to lie, that feels awesome from time to time, if you can put up with yourself acting that way!) I miss having some guidelines to obey (as if I could ever obey them, I certainly didn't!)
I do have some Pagan reading materials, I do spend time in the nature but it seems like I just miss... something. I had that "getting connected" thread here before but this is a bit different. Now I can get connected but it feels a bit superficial. A bit less authentic than it would be to have a spiritual authority to quote and listen to. (Which is not necessarily something I'd like to do.) I'm still, mostly unconsciously, looking at paganism through the frame of authoritarianism: is it an old belief that promotes "spiritual values" instead of hedonism and comes from an old guy with a white beard? If it is, then YES, I'LL ACCEPT THIS PATH AS MY LORD AND SAVIOUR. But quite often, it is not so. (And no, I don't want to get into team Jesus either.)
In a rational sense, one thing I like about Paganism that the wisdom doesn't have to come from a rigid set of beliefs promoted by a priestly figure who has probably been brainwashed his entire life and still has nasty carnal inclinations (I'm not referring to anyone spefically, this things happen everywhere!) But at the same time I'm afraid of getting into the biggest ego trip every because the wisdom can come from anyone, even from myself which I still consider as something really, really blasphemous. Me as my own spiritual authority? Heck no! (To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to get rid of that thought because I do have selfish tendencies and boosting them with spirituality would lead to a disaster.)
Tl;dr, I want someone to tell me what to do and how to behave - but I suppose it would be a bit better to grow up and make up my mind?
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