Today I went to another forum and I read a friend thread about how she return to her ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend got a long history of domestic abuse. Anyway I PM her criticizing about why did she return her ex-boyfriend and history is going repeat itself. She said it was a psychological thing and she can't help it. Do you think it was the right thing to criticized her or should I been a bit more sensitive about the issue? I understand it was her choice but it was a very bad choice in her part.
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Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
I mean, I don't know. Tough love seems to work with someone. It's her choice and she'll learn form her mistakes. At one point she'll leave the relationship when she's had enough. What kind of abuse is the ex giving her?
I'm not saying you need to be sensitive or criticize her but don't grill her about it. You're her friend and care about her but if it's a psychological thing then it is what it is. Maybe she's codependent? Either way she will leave...or not."Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.
"I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
Originally posted by Bartmanhomer View PostWell her ex-boyfriend beat her up. And thankfully she left him completely."Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.
"I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
Originally posted by Bartmanhomer View PostThe reason why I make up this because I need people feedback that's why."Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.
"I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
As a friend, it's not your place to "criticize". Show concern, ask if she wants to talk about it, etc, but to criticize ,unsolicited, isolates the victim even farther and increases the likelihood they'll return to their abuser.
Reasons for a victim returning to their vary, but there is so much psychology at play it's hard to tell with such vague details. But anyways, just show support to her, especially if she already knows he's an abuser, and let her know that you are there for her when she's ready to leave. Don't let the abuser isolate her.~Rudyard Kipling, The Cat Who Walks By Himself
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
I know that I sound like a villain to my friend. But I did it for a very good reason. I was trying to look out for and I was just trying to be a good friend to her. And I know how domestic violence works. I watch so many talk shows to hear victim being abused by their abuser and it never works out in the end.
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Head Above Water
- Dec 2011
- 3034
- Ecletic Pagan
- Southeast Michigan
- There is no mastery--only constant improvement.
Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
Originally posted by Bartmanhomer View PostToday I went to another forum and I read a friend thread about how she return to her ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend got a long history of domestic abuse. Anyway I PM her criticizing about why did she return her ex-boyfriend and history is going repeat itself. She said it was a psychological thing and she can't help it. Do you think it was the right thing to criticized her or should I been a bit more sensitive about the issue? I understand it was her choice but it was a very bad choice in her part.
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Re: Friend Of A Domestic Violence Victim
My daughter was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 2 years. It was difficult to resist our protective instincts - criticism of him made her defensive and strengthened her resolve to make it work, just to prove us wrong.
Once we got our reactive urges under control, my wife and I started addressing his negative aspects in less critical and more constructive terms, and she reached the right conclusion on her own.
Another word of advice: in sensitive issues like this, I'd solicit opinions or feedback before addressing it with the individual.
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