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I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

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    #16
    Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

    Originally posted by EndlessCravings View Post
    Do you smoke at all?
    Honestly, not usually more than 1 gram a month but I did buy some today.
    No one tells the wind which way to blow.

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      #17
      Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

      Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
      Honestly, not usually more than 1 gram a month but I did buy some today.
      I meant cigarettes. There's usually a correlation between nicotine and alcohol but since you're talking Loud I guess it's fine.
      "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

      "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

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        #18
        Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

        Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
        I need a friggin therapist.
        This was my initial thought past the support groups and help lines, but it seems you're already on the ball. You know what you're up against, you know what you need to begin addressing it, and you've already proven you're resourceful enough to explore your options, be strong enough ask for help when you need it, and engage that mental tenacity that I've definitely seen you show on this forum over the years. That's an incredible kind of strength and don't forget that you have it.


        Regarding therapists and expenses, there are actually a fair few programs out there for people who don't have the option of insurance coverage or extra finances to front the costs of seeing a therapist. There are a lot around where I live that operate on a sliding scale program where they charge an amount based on your income, and there are a few more (although a tich harder to get into) that treat people for free (although I can't attest first-hand as to the long-term stability of those programs, but it's a start nonetheless).

        Keep reaching out, try to find what options are available to you. But a therapist would probably be of great benefit to you in the long run.

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          #19
          Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

          Hey, Bjorn. As my recent post has suggested, I've got my doubts about 12 step programs. But I thought I'd add, the agnostics/atheists in the area choose to view God as an anagram (?) G.O.D. good orderly direction. Since they don't believe in god with a capital G.

          And I second finding a therapist. I know your working on that angle too, and it's a really important one.

          Good job recognizing the problem and good luck!
          We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

          I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
          It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
          Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
          -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

          Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

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            #20
            Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

            A good friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic and he is a devout agnostic. He was told by a Rabbi to talk to his door knob for the strength to stop drinking. That actually worked for him to replace a deity. He is still sober after 30 years and 74 years old. I like him because he speaks his mind without filters - a lot like I do. we get along well together and work at on of the non-profits together.
            The Dragon sees infinity and those it touches are forced to feel the reality of it.
            I am his student and his partner. He is my guide and an ominous friend.

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              #21
              Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

              April 23, 2016

              I fell off the wagon again.

              I'm not going to lie, even as I sit here writing this, I am sipping a beer. I expect your judgments and will accept them.

              I blew off my AA meetings and blew off my sponsor. She wanted me to go to a meeting almost every day. Maybe 2x a week, but every other day? That's my entire life. It felt like they were trying to make ALCOHOLIC my new identity, that there was this evil devil water that is the sum and total of my parts.

              Ok, so yes, I know, I am currently powerless over alcohol. I do not argue this, but what the alcoholism is really doing is hiding much more deeply rooted problems from trauma in my past that I haven't dealt with yet. I need therapy. I am still going to a stupid fucking Agnostic AA meeting next time it rolls around (Tuesday, I believe) but I need something more. I'm depressed. I hate myself. I really really do. I'm the worst person that I know (or at least that's what I've believed for a long time and now have evidence of).

              I'm not going to harm myself or anyone else but thoughts of death permeate my being. I cry when I'm alone. I don't even know who I am anymore, but I hate her.

              So there you have it. Thought I'd come give an update. I'm sure it's not the one you wanted but I've got to try and keep myself accountable to somebody.

              Cheers.
              No one tells the wind which way to blow.

              Comment


                #22
                Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                I'm sorry you feel so bad. Groups like AA absolutely DO take over your life, just like Weight Watchers and all those things. I know someone who went to WW and all she ever talked about were her points and recipes, etc., these things are kinda cults in that they take one thing you do and redirect it instead of identifying the actual issue. I hope you can get to a real therapist who can help, and I'm glad you can "talk" to us here.
                sigpic
                Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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                  #23
                  Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                  Girl,you are stronger than you know,yes things may seem bad,but I will say you can control your life. I have been down that road,the depression,the self hate and all the things that go with it. I believe you have the self will to become who you always wanted to be,and the strength to persevere.
                  Never easy,but what ever was easy that was worth finding and building your strength to accomplish.

                  My thoughts and prayers are with you,and I know you will become who you should be.
                  MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                  all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                  NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                  don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                  sigpic

                  my new page here,let me know what you think.


                  nothing but the shadow of what was

                  witchvox
                  http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

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                    #24
                    Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                    Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                    April 23, 2016

                    I fell off the wagon again.


                    I mean, there's probably a long winded, extremely thorough way to make the point but I'm lazy. Managing alcoholism is an exceptionally difficult task. People stumble on the way. Today, you fell, tomorrow, you pick yourself up and start again. Over-emphasizing the fall won't do you any good, acknowledge the error, if and only if there's something useful to remember about the surrounding circumstances then note that and tomorrow start again.
                    life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                    Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                    "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                    John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                    "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                    Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


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                      #25
                      Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                      I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I'm sure things will get better for you soon! Best of luck to you!

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                        #26
                        Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                        It's falling off the wagon, not lemme stay on the ground down here in alcholic village land.

                        Girl. Kick the booze habit is freaking hard.

                        Just. You know. Get back up.


                        i'm a judgmental biatch. And I'm not seeing anything to judge you about. We all have struggles. I go for days without taking all my meds. I know it's bad. I just don't want to be doing it 3 times a day every god damn day. Then I kick my butt and then I'm back on.

                        You can totally do this. Because ain't no one else gonna do it for you.


                        *scootches you back off the floor.
                        Satan is my spirit animal

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                          #27
                          Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                          Well pea, you already know I love you no matter how you feel about yourself. No matter how little we talk, or how busy we've gotten.

                          It'll always be you, me, and the little bee hotel drawing. <3

                          I know how it is to drink to numb the pain. Eventually though, you just gotta hurt and find a way through it. Go cold turkey. I'll do it with you.


                          Mostly art.

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                            #28
                            Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                            I am sorry you are going through this.

                            I'm not sure this will be helpful...but I can't help but wonder if the services of a counselor or psychologist might be a good idea. There have been times in my relationship with alcoholics (recovered and non) where I have wondered if the problem was really what causes them to drink in the first place and not the alcohol itself. If you are using alcohol to self-mediate, then you really find a safe place where you can to deal with the reasons you are self-medicating. AA meetings seem like they can be that place for many people...and many of them have probably fallen off the horse a time or two as well. It's a fairly normal and natural phenomenon--especially if the problems causing you to turn to alcohol aren't being dealt with.

                            Forgive yourself. And get back on! *hugs*

                            (Where's a damned hug gif when you need it?)
                            Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
                            sigpic

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                              #29
                              Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                              Here Thal..
                              MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                              all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                              NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                              don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                              sigpic

                              my new page here,let me know what you think.


                              nothing but the shadow of what was

                              witchvox
                              http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Re: I Think I'm an Alcoholic and Need Help

                                Long ago, there used to be an ad in the back of Glamour magazine for an away camp for weight loss. The slogan was 'It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you." This applies to anything.
                                sigpic
                                Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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