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    As some of you may know, I live at home because I can't afford to live on my own with the disability. Mom has been, up until ten minutes ago, tolerant of me begin pagan. Shr just came in and said that I can't have any of my pagan stuff in the house--not even in the garage--because she feels god doesn't want it in the house. To the point where she said I can either do it or move out. I can't keep anything in storage either. I have to throw it all out or get it off the property by the end of the day.

    I'm in shock, angry, and betrayed. This as apparently been "weighing on her mind", but it's the first I've heard of it. I don't really have a choice here. I'm not throwing my shrine and altar stuff out--they're sacred objects to me. Im going to see if I can store then with a friend. But I'm left floundering at being suddenly told that I'm no longer allowed to visibly have any signs of my spirituality in the house.
    Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

    Honorary Nord.

    Habbalah Vlogs

    #2
    Re: Hide or Leave

    That sucks Habbs,one thing you might consider,depending where you are is a low income disabled housing. I live in a senior low income place. Mainly HUD.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Is she in a kind of negative Christian environment? You know like the ones that went kinda crazy about Harry Potter.
    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

    all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
    NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
    don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




    sigpic

    my new page here,let me know what you think.


    nothing but the shadow of what was

    witchvox
    http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

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      #3
      Re: Hide or Leave

      I you call social services, DHHR whatever it may be in your area and tell them you will homeless today they will help you find housing.

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        #4
        Re: Hide or Leave

        Its not fair of her, but honestly, its her house.

        The hard truth is that, you've gotta follow those rules, or get out.

        What's more important: some objects, or having housing?


        Mostly art.

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          #5
          Re: Hide or Leave

          Yeah. I know it's her house. But when this has been just fine for years, it's kind of a shock to me. I have nowhere to go, so of course I have to pack everything spiritual up.
          Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

          Honorary Nord.

          Habbalah Vlogs

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            #6
            Re: Hide or Leave

            What IS unfair is that this is a sudden decision. What a lovely god she follows to talk of throwing you out at the end of the day. If she said 'Look, I can't be doing with this stuff, you'll have to get rid of it or leave by the end of the month,' that's different. !
            Get help. Get rehomed if humanly possible. Such gods are far more dangerous than anything you are likely to have in the house.
            And good luck!
            www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


            Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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              #7
              Re: Hide or Leave

              You would have to check with your exact city and state laws (find your local legal aid group) AND you'd have to decide if its worth going through all this or not (because, as said, its your mom and her house)...but...legally, you may not be obligated to do any of that.

              This may not help matters any, and the exact determination of this really depends on your state, but in the state where I previously lived it would have gone like this: Her house or not and your mom or not, as a legal adult living in her home with her knowledge and consent, should be covered by landlord/tenant laws. In all technicality, you are at this point, a roommate. If there is no lease, you are considered a month-to-month tenant (albeit one that probably pays little to no rent--if you do contribute to expenses, your argument is effectively stronger). To get you to move out, she would have to legally proceed to do so, even then, an eviction notice is required to give the person being kicked out time to go. Legally, a landlord can't make you get rid of what are essentially legal, and protected items--tbh, that's extortion (even if it might not meet the legal definition of it).

              Furthermore, if you are considered financially dependent on her because of your disability (and your disability is recognized and documented legally and medically), what she is doing could even be considered abuse. I don't know where you are or your exact situation, but there may be organizations that could help you find more suitable housing.
              Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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                #8
                Re: Hide or Leave

                I would say,try and find other housing,because even if you win a judgment,it would still be very hard to deal with the relative because they might accuse you of casting a spell to win(you know it could go there)..Better if you can get your own digs..low income housing is your friend.

                - - - Updated - - -

                From how quickly this went down,I suspect someone has gotten to her with religious fear. I have seen people go "religious fanatic" because of other people.
                MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                sigpic

                my new page here,let me know what you think.


                nothing but the shadow of what was

                witchvox
                http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

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                  #9
                  Re: Hide or Leave

                  Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                  You would have to check with your exact city and state laws (find your local legal aid group) AND you'd have to decide if its worth going through all this or not (because, as said, its your mom and her house)...but...legally, you may not be obligated to do any of that.

                  This may not help matters any, and the exact determination of this really depends on your state, but in the state where I previously lived it would have gone like this: Her house or not and your mom or not, as a legal adult living in her home with her knowledge and consent, should be covered by landlord/tenant laws. In all technicality, you are at this point, a roommate. If there is no lease, you are considered a month-to-month tenant (albeit one that probably pays little to no rent--if you do contribute to expenses, your argument is effectively stronger). To get you to move out, she would have to legally proceed to do so, even then, an eviction notice is required to give the person being kicked out time to go. Legally, a landlord can't make you get rid of what are essentially legal, and protected items--tbh, that's extortion (even if it might not meet the legal definition of it).

                  Furthermore, if you are considered financially dependent on her because of your disability (and your disability is recognized and documented legally and medically), what she is doing could even be considered abuse. I don't know where you are or your exact situation, but there may be organizations that could help you find more suitable housing.
                  On one hand, that's a very convenient set of protections to have. On another, it's damn scary. Note to self, never let someone live with me without binding written agreements first.
                  life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                  Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                  "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                  John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                  "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                  Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


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                    #10
                    Re: Hide or Leave

                    I hope this all turns out well for you. Just because someone gave birth doesn't make them a perfect, unconditionally loving person, even if the one they gave birth to is you. They're just people. And sometimes they look much better in the rear view mirror.
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                    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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                      #11
                      Re: Hide or Leave

                      Parents can be like that. My Mother always bugged me to go to church with her...Just to get her off my back I went once,then the next day I lit a smoke,and she went off on me,saying I was now a Christian and should not smoke(True story) know I never did that again and I was at the time merely an atheist.
                      MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                      all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                      NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                      don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                      sigpic

                      my new page here,let me know what you think.


                      nothing but the shadow of what was

                      witchvox
                      http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

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                        #12
                        Re: Hide or Leave

                        I don't know what to say habballah but good luck finding your own place to move in with.

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                          #13
                          Re: Hide or Leave

                          Habbalah, I'm so sorry your mother has been this kind of witness to you. It makes me really mad when people do this kind of stuff. I'm pretty sure housing her daughter with a disability is more important than taking the hard line against what she'd see as idols.

                          If moving out is an option, do you feel confident negotiating with your mum? You can let her know you won't throw your stuff out, but will start looking for a place to live and will aim to be out by a set number of weeks.

                          If moving out is not an option, is there someone you can call who can advocate for you? Really, being expected to throw your stuff out by the end of the day or move out is incredibly ungracious and unreasonable. It sounds like it's been something she's been thinking of for a while, but hasn't been open about it. While she's had time to think about this, justify it to herself and all that, you haven't had the time to consider if you'd like to move out or not and find options. This is a really awful situation and as someone has already said, it is extortion/abuse of power.

                          I'll be thinking of you all today and asking my God to soften your mum's attitude.

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                            #14
                            Re: Hide or Leave

                            Thank you to everyone for your suggestions and kind words. Now that I've let time pass and my head untangle a bit, I'll give an update and a bit more of an explanation.

                            I'm fairly new to being a pagan, in that I've been practicing for about four years. During part of these four years, I've been living with my mom (for financial reasons, then I moved when I could afford it, then I had to move back because of health reasons), and she has been very aware as to what I believe it. Not only have we discussed it multiple times, but she actually made my first altar cloth. Well, she hemmed a yard of fabric for me, but same thing. She had expressed uncertainty in what I believed before, but always asked about it, and we always came to an understanding. She is usually very supportive of me and the fact that many, many of my beliefs are different than hers, and are often not the norm.

                            This decision to "not have pagan altars in (her) house" came from what she said was a conversation over a period of a few months with god. She said it came from a passage in Judges (but I think she actually means one from Exodus: Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles. 14 Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. (Exodus 34:14-14 NIV)), and that god was leading her to do it, and it would allow her to move forward spiritually because he was testing her obedience.

                            Apparently both asking if she was going to follow all of the Old Testament now and how she knew which verses she could pick and choose as right weren't logical questions. Neither was, after asking if she was going to ask me to go back into the closet (I'm queer) and when she responded to with no, she wanted me to be who I was and didn't want me to have to hide it, pointing out that this was exactly what she was doing now.

                            I asked her what she wanted me to get rid of. She said my altar (which had actually been partially dismantled because I'm in the process of moving from one room to another), and all of my "potions" (spell ingredients). When I asked her if she wanted me to leave, she said no. She has told me before this that she wants me here, and got very upset when I told her before that I was planning on moving out (this didn't up panning out for a variety of reasons). I told her that asking me to move everything by the end of the day was massively unfair. She said I had a week. I pointed out that she legally had to give me a month before she could throw me or my possessions out, so she reluctantly agreed to a month. Most likely, I won't take that long.

                            In all honesty, I have nowhere to go. I can't afford to live on my own, even with disability. It's very hard to get low-income housing when you're disabled if you're not a senior citizen or you don't have kids, at least where I live. I've looked into it before--the only place in the town I'm currently in that does it has a two-year waiting list. I could theoretically move into a really shitty cheap apartment, but I'm not going to pick up all of my stuff and move it to a place that I wouldn't feel either safe or comfortable living, and have to pay for it. Not when I'm only staying in this town because I can't afford to move back out of it. I will keep looking and see what I can find, if anything comes up.

                            In the meantime, all of my shrine figures, my statues, etc, I'm making into jar shrines, and will be storing at a friend's house. I threw away all of my herbs and spell ingredients yesterday. They were in big jars, and even if I had a place to store them all, they would have gone bad long before I could use them (don't worry, I recycled the actual jars). Anything I do from now on will have to be in secret, which I deeply resent. I resent it all the more because it's not like this has always been the case--if it had, I could have come to terms with it by now. I'm keeping my candles and candle holders, but I'll just use one candle to represent the Divine and all of the entities I work with instead of everyone having their own dedicated to them. I'll use one cup for wine offerings, and one for water (same as before). I plan to get small jars and hide them in a box to keep herbs and such in for spell work (I thought of this, of course, after I threw all of my other ingredients away).

                            I still feel hurt and betrayed, and bitter. I have somewhere safe to live, and this won't actually affect what I believe (except maybe to make it stronger), so in those regards, I'm luckier than others who have had their parent decide they don't want someone else's spirituality in their house.
                            Army of Darkness: Guardians of the Chat

                            Honorary Nord.

                            Habbalah Vlogs

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                              #15
                              Re: Hide or Leave

                              The whole "I don't want you to leave" and "I want you here" seems to be in some ways your leverage. perhaps say,if you want me here,you need to try and understand my beliefs,AND respect my need as well. Sounds like she does not want to be alone. Sounds like the religious stuff is fear based,have seen that in others before(the whole literal old testament thing) My Mom tended to be that way. Hoping you can find a middle ground with her.

                              - - - Updated - - -

                              Should also add,you respect HER beliefs,and do not push at the things she follows,she should also show respect for your beliefs(But I understand the "My way or the highway mindset too")
                              MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                              all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                              NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                              don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                              sigpic

                              my new page here,let me know what you think.


                              nothing but the shadow of what was

                              witchvox
                              http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

                              Comment

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