This seems as good a place as any for this post. I've had a spiritual experience that I'd like to share with the community and maybe even get some feedback (although I've notice this kind of post tends not to get much attention when I see others posting them, and this will be a long post, so I won't hold my breath; I just had to share this with someone).
A week ago last Tuesday, the evening after my mum's operation, I really couldn't sleep. It was my last night off before returning to work and I like to sleep right through on those nights and get up around 2 or 3pm the following afternoon which resets my body clock for night shift without depriving me of sleep. I just couldn't sleep though. JP was snoring away and my nose was stuffy so I couldn't breath properly if I closed my mouth. I was frustrated and my mind was wondering to some pretty dark places. When this happens, my usual action is to visit one of my inner worlds, yet that night, despite knowing better than to do this when overtired, I decided to attempt a deeper journey.
I took Magpie and White Horse for support and protection and found myself at a moonlit lake in a forest clearing. A woman dressed in fine lace appeared above the lake as though standing on it and began to speak to me. I told her that I longed to find that magical side of my nature I once had, and to reclaim my ability as a witch. She advised I read an old Llewellyn's book I had kicking about from 10 years ago. As a general rule, I don't think much of Llewellyn publications, but I'm not one to reject advice received during journeys so I agreed to do so, as strange as the advice seemed.
When I asked if she was a goddess she told me she was, although I need to explain that the dialogue was all in Japanese and that the words 'kami/megami' have a wider application than 'god/goddess' in English. She then said that she was well-known. I asked her name so I could google her, to which she replied 'Mizuumi'. This literally just means 'lake', but I thought it's not impossible that there is a kami with this name. However, when I did google her, I tried various writings of this word as well as the roman alphabet but got no hits for any Japanese goddess or spirit, so I was pretty disappointed.
There was another pretty major twist to the vision. I saw a hooded figure in the shadows to the right of me. His face appeared disfigured and I was very scared of him. Mizuumi told me to stop looking at him but I couldn't turn away. He seemed to be moving towards me faster and faster but I was just frozen to the spot, staring at him. Mizuumi then told me to run, at which point White Horse came to my side and I hopped on and he carried me off into the trees. After that I just lay in bed trying to find any reference to Mizuumi on my phone. When I couldn't find anything, I started listening to talks on spirituality on youtube with my headphones, one of which included a guided visualisation that I decided to save to try at a later date.
The following night I took my old Llewellyn's Spell-a-Day Almanac to work with me as I promised I would, and started flicking through it. Instead of judging it like I used to, I found myself putting little marks next to spells or rituals I fancied trying out for myself once the timing was right. I then remembered the guided visualisation I wanted to do so once everyone was asleep and my jobs completed for the night, I sat myself on the floor in the living room and listened to the track. I was amazed to discover that the technique in the video was strangely similar to the technique I'd been developing for doing spellwork and I was very much inspired to start writing in my BOS again when I got home.
There's a bit more to go.. I've been desperately trying to gain weight on my face so I look healthier, but this comes at the cost of my other problem area; my thighs, getting larger. Although I'm determined to stay at a healthy weight and not go back to crash dieting, I must admit I'm struggling with my BDD right now and finding it hard not to 'just cut back a little'. So after my little meditation I started watching some talks on youtube about BDD for some encouragement and inspiration. One lady suggested personifying your BDD and seeing it like some monster or bully constantly saying hateful things about you. I felt instantly that this is what the man in my vision represented. Just as I've started standing at the mirror staring at my thighs again, as they get larger and larger in my mind, I was frozen in the vision, unable to take my attention off the creature that I've now named 'the Ghoul'.
When I catch myself criticizing my face or body now, I keep recalling that creature in my mind and how afraid I was. I'm reminding myself that by letting those thoughts pass out of my mind, I'm weakening his hold over me. It seems to be helping too.
For the last week I've been writing in my BOS and spiritual journal again, doing little workings to retrain my skills and just generally feeling 'witchy'. Everything is starting to seem more positive, as though no matter how hard the road ahead is, and it will be hard, I'll find the strength to get through it somehow.
I couldn't quite shake the annoyance that the woman in my vision told me that she was a real being in mythology and that if I googled her I'd find her. Then a few nights ago I listened to another guided visualisation from youtube. It wasn't very good, at least not for me, but there was one point; she mentioned the Lady of the Lake from the Arthurian legends. To say the penny dropped then is an understatement. My knowledge of King Arthur doesn't extend much further than the Disney rendition of the Sword in the Stone, so it just wasn't something that came to mind. It's weird too because I claim to have an interest in British Celtic spirituality yet other than using Romano-British names for my patron gods I really haven't made much effort to explore the mythology further.
That's my next homework I guess then. I'm not one to get excited by knights and kings or any of that historical-fantasy stuff many of my pagan peers seem to be into. I'd much rather watch the Yogscast playing GTA for hours on end than sit down to watch or read something like Game of Thrones, but I guess I do feel kinda curious about the Arthurian legends now. I googled images of the Lady of the Lake and I found some that were so strikingly similar to my vision that I felt chills down my spine. That's got to mean something!
To anyone who made it this far, I thank you for letting me share this experience, and I also apologise for taking up your time!
A week ago last Tuesday, the evening after my mum's operation, I really couldn't sleep. It was my last night off before returning to work and I like to sleep right through on those nights and get up around 2 or 3pm the following afternoon which resets my body clock for night shift without depriving me of sleep. I just couldn't sleep though. JP was snoring away and my nose was stuffy so I couldn't breath properly if I closed my mouth. I was frustrated and my mind was wondering to some pretty dark places. When this happens, my usual action is to visit one of my inner worlds, yet that night, despite knowing better than to do this when overtired, I decided to attempt a deeper journey.
I took Magpie and White Horse for support and protection and found myself at a moonlit lake in a forest clearing. A woman dressed in fine lace appeared above the lake as though standing on it and began to speak to me. I told her that I longed to find that magical side of my nature I once had, and to reclaim my ability as a witch. She advised I read an old Llewellyn's book I had kicking about from 10 years ago. As a general rule, I don't think much of Llewellyn publications, but I'm not one to reject advice received during journeys so I agreed to do so, as strange as the advice seemed.
When I asked if she was a goddess she told me she was, although I need to explain that the dialogue was all in Japanese and that the words 'kami/megami' have a wider application than 'god/goddess' in English. She then said that she was well-known. I asked her name so I could google her, to which she replied 'Mizuumi'. This literally just means 'lake', but I thought it's not impossible that there is a kami with this name. However, when I did google her, I tried various writings of this word as well as the roman alphabet but got no hits for any Japanese goddess or spirit, so I was pretty disappointed.
There was another pretty major twist to the vision. I saw a hooded figure in the shadows to the right of me. His face appeared disfigured and I was very scared of him. Mizuumi told me to stop looking at him but I couldn't turn away. He seemed to be moving towards me faster and faster but I was just frozen to the spot, staring at him. Mizuumi then told me to run, at which point White Horse came to my side and I hopped on and he carried me off into the trees. After that I just lay in bed trying to find any reference to Mizuumi on my phone. When I couldn't find anything, I started listening to talks on spirituality on youtube with my headphones, one of which included a guided visualisation that I decided to save to try at a later date.
The following night I took my old Llewellyn's Spell-a-Day Almanac to work with me as I promised I would, and started flicking through it. Instead of judging it like I used to, I found myself putting little marks next to spells or rituals I fancied trying out for myself once the timing was right. I then remembered the guided visualisation I wanted to do so once everyone was asleep and my jobs completed for the night, I sat myself on the floor in the living room and listened to the track. I was amazed to discover that the technique in the video was strangely similar to the technique I'd been developing for doing spellwork and I was very much inspired to start writing in my BOS again when I got home.
There's a bit more to go.. I've been desperately trying to gain weight on my face so I look healthier, but this comes at the cost of my other problem area; my thighs, getting larger. Although I'm determined to stay at a healthy weight and not go back to crash dieting, I must admit I'm struggling with my BDD right now and finding it hard not to 'just cut back a little'. So after my little meditation I started watching some talks on youtube about BDD for some encouragement and inspiration. One lady suggested personifying your BDD and seeing it like some monster or bully constantly saying hateful things about you. I felt instantly that this is what the man in my vision represented. Just as I've started standing at the mirror staring at my thighs again, as they get larger and larger in my mind, I was frozen in the vision, unable to take my attention off the creature that I've now named 'the Ghoul'.
When I catch myself criticizing my face or body now, I keep recalling that creature in my mind and how afraid I was. I'm reminding myself that by letting those thoughts pass out of my mind, I'm weakening his hold over me. It seems to be helping too.
For the last week I've been writing in my BOS and spiritual journal again, doing little workings to retrain my skills and just generally feeling 'witchy'. Everything is starting to seem more positive, as though no matter how hard the road ahead is, and it will be hard, I'll find the strength to get through it somehow.
I couldn't quite shake the annoyance that the woman in my vision told me that she was a real being in mythology and that if I googled her I'd find her. Then a few nights ago I listened to another guided visualisation from youtube. It wasn't very good, at least not for me, but there was one point; she mentioned the Lady of the Lake from the Arthurian legends. To say the penny dropped then is an understatement. My knowledge of King Arthur doesn't extend much further than the Disney rendition of the Sword in the Stone, so it just wasn't something that came to mind. It's weird too because I claim to have an interest in British Celtic spirituality yet other than using Romano-British names for my patron gods I really haven't made much effort to explore the mythology further.
That's my next homework I guess then. I'm not one to get excited by knights and kings or any of that historical-fantasy stuff many of my pagan peers seem to be into. I'd much rather watch the Yogscast playing GTA for hours on end than sit down to watch or read something like Game of Thrones, but I guess I do feel kinda curious about the Arthurian legends now. I googled images of the Lady of the Lake and I found some that were so strikingly similar to my vision that I felt chills down my spine. That's got to mean something!
To anyone who made it this far, I thank you for letting me share this experience, and I also apologise for taking up your time!
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