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Thread: Alpha women can't love?

  1. #1
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Alpha women can't love?

    Definition: Alpha woman - a woman who makes decisions (as near as I can figure from the context)

    Indeed, my mother was the quintessential alpha wife. An alpha wife micromanages, delegates and makes most or even all of the decisions. She is, quite simply, the Boss.
    Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love

    From the article:

    But my alpha ways were bumping up against his alpha nature. We were like two bulls hanging out in the same pen together, and there was too much friction. And because I had zero interest in my husband adopting a more feminine role, I set about to become the feminine creature our culture insists women not be.

    And here’s what I learned: It’s liberating to be a beta!
    I think the idea being expressed (it's never quite made clear) is that, in a marriage, somebody has to wear the pants, and, no matter how assertive the woman is in general, that pant wearer must be the man, or you'll screw up your marriage.

    Wadda ya think about them apples?
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    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    I have never understood the need for one or the other partner to be dominant. Equal seems good to me. Biblical thought seems to require the Male to always be on top...snakes and apples being the causative factor.
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    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    Before I got married, he and I talked about who would do what, and agreed on things. Once we got married, he didn't do his part. He honestly assumed all that conversation was just hogwash and that "of course" I'd do it all. Wrong. In his eyes that made me an Alpha. I was simply sticking to my word and expecting the same in return.

    Point is, there's a lot of room for definition, and it's very subjective.

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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    Supporter kalynraye's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    No no a woman's job at home no matter if she is an alpha in the everyday world is to make sure we don't hurt our husbands feelings. That we let him lead the way in the home. Sooth his male ego... and though she says they are stupid I feel that's exactly what she is saying. I need to mull this over a bit more.
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    PF Ordo Hereticus MaskedOne's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    I think gender stereotypes abound through that article alongside anecdotes treated as statistics. As the plural of anecdote is not statistic and anecdotal evidence is shaky on a good day, I feel no need to give credence to conclusions based on it.
    "It is not simply enough to know the light…a Jedi must feel the tension between the two sides of the Force…in himself and in the universe."
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  6. #6
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaskedOne View Post
    I think gender stereotypes abound through that article alongside anecdotes treated as statistics. As the plural of anecdote is not statistic and anecdotal evidence is shaky on a good day, I feel no need to give credence to conclusions based on it.
    I understand the idea that was expressed - that two people who continuously battle over each decision = the very definition of conflict, but I also couldn't help noticing the gender stereotypes that litter the writing. IMHO - if you remove the stereotyping (assumptions that all members of a class are the same) there was nothing left in the article...
    Those who have suffered understand suffering and therefore extend their hand.

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    PF Ordo Hereticus MaskedOne's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    Quote Originally Posted by B. de Corbin View Post
    I understand the idea that was expressed - that two people who continuously battle over each decision = the very definition of conflict, but I also couldn't help noticing the gender stereotypes that litter the writing. IMHO - if you remove the stereotyping (assumptions that all members of a class are the same) there was nothing left in the article...
    If the message had been something nice and simple like, "You can't micromanage everything. Compromise is good." Then I'd be more merciful in my opinion. As is, shrug, the most merciful I'm willing to be is the position that the author appears to have found something that works for her but that her answer is not necessarily anywhere close to appropriate for everyone else.
    "It is not simply enough to know the light…a Jedi must feel the tension between the two sides of the Force…in himself and in the universe."
    ―Thon

    "When to the Force you truly give yourself, all you do expresses the truth of who you are,"

    Yoda

    Yoda told stories, and ate, and cried, and laughed: and the Padawans saw that life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

    Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

    "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

    John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

    "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

    Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis



  8. #8
    Fundamentalist Dumuzi's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    The problem is that the term Alpha can be very blurry in terms of what it means. And I do mean that from both sides. People will be called Alpha if they have sound opinions backed with strong arguments. At the same time, some people like to call themselves alpha, when they are just being assholes. And I'm talking about both males and females here.

    Can 'insert term here' love? Of course! Love is a human emotion that mostly everyone experiences. It's not just limited to partners, but can extend to friends, family, pets and even objects.

    Can an 'alpha' woman have a good marriage? Yes and no. Just like the non 'alpha' women, it all depends on the two people involved in that marriage. And it has NOTHING to do with who wears the pants. It has nothing to do with the myth that two 'alpha' people can't have a good relationship.

    I'll use an example I've been reading about since some time. Aisha, the mother of believers, as her title says, was the wife of Muhammad, the man whom Muslims believe was the messenger of God.

    This woman was a leader in every sense of the word. No one was more 'alpha' than her, and I'm including the men here. She was a political leader that most of the Muslim army obeyed after the death of Muhammad, peace be upon him. And she was a religious authority that scholars from all around the world went to to study under. She was the person whom Muhammad, peace be upon him, said about her, that we should learn half of our religion from her. Which is why most of what we know about Muhammad, peace be upon him, comes from her.

    Even in her married life, she would have disagreements with Muhammad and then demand from him to bring someone to judge between them. Again, consider the fact that she believed he was a messenger of god. And then she would demand this judge to be her own father. And in one occasion he asks her, "Should I speak first, or you, Aisha." Then she said, "You speak first, but you better only say the truth!" Again, don't forget, this is the man who SHE believes is a messenger of god, and still she would speak like this to him.

    In short, she was the OG. And still she had one of the best relationships in history. She had nothing but good things to say about her husband and how they lived together. She had many narrations claiming he loved no one as much as her. When he died, he died in her house, in her arms.

    So whenever someone tells you as a woman, or tries to convince you to be anything else that a leader, role model or use your god given right to use your mind to make strong arguments, please bring Aisha to your aid and shove that example in their face!
    Do they not, then, ponder about the Qur‘an? Had it been from someone other than Allah, they would have found in it much discrepancy. [4:82]

  9. #9
    Nihilistic Goddess Medusa's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    Sometimes (read often) we confuse alpha with the term bitch.
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  10. #10
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: Alpha women can't love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
    Sometimes (read often) we confuse alpha with the term bitch.
    In some cases, bastard.
    Those who have suffered understand suffering and therefore extend their hand.

    I can't do everything, but I can do something.

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