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Thread: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

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    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    We often don't see traits in ourselves EXCEPT in retrospect. It seems like nobody really listens, even to themselves. If someone says "He's my whole life", "I'd die without him", etc., that's a cry for help even though they themselves see it as romantic or whatnot. (Same applies to being the star player and feeling like nothing without the team, etc. Actually I see that in kids around here a lot - sports are like a cult, and, like you said, the parents have all these expectations.) And if someone says that something is upsetting them or damaging their daily life, we tend to dismiss the issue if it's not identical to our own issues, or diminish it by bringing up a "larger" problem, etc. Comprehension is the most important part of communication, and it's sorely lacking in society. People seem so incredibly dismissive most of the time.

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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    Silver Member monsno_leedra's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    I think the "My Problem is Bigger" syndrome is a big means we use to distract and redirect things. Can't think of how many times I've seen people who attempt to sympathize or even empathize with others then automatically divert into the "My Problem" issue. My father is one who is great for that ploy. We'll be talking abut myself or one of my siblings medical issues and before you know it he's changed the discussion to his medical issues. Most of the time don't even try to discuss serious medical issues as we know we'll never get to them.

    Have had co-workers that were the same way. Didn't matter the subject material, whatever it was the topic soon turned about them and their issues. Their issues were either grander in scale or deeper in hurt. Couldn't win no matter the side of the pleasure or pain you were discussing. So you sort of half listened to them which I think many times expanded to how you listened to everyone about you because of that 1 person.
    I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

  3. #1753
    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    Your father and my mother might just be related LOL It seems like what often begins as a way to relate, like, you say "I have a stomach ache" and I say "Oh I had one the other day" meaning I understand, then gets one-sided. Mine was worse and lasted longer, therefore yours is insignificant Maybe it's just human nature - at least for some humans - trying to one-up others, in good things and bad?

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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    Apprentice of Doom Shahaku's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    I know I have a tendency to share a similar experience in an effort to connect and show that I can relate. I've really had to work in not making it sound like an effort at one-up-manship, and that's certainly not my intent. But it's a skill, and low any will there's various levels of ability.
    We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

    I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
    It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
    Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
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    Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

  5. #1755
    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    Yeah, seems like we all like to compete, in a way, and some things really shouldn't be a competition.

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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    Silver Member monsno_leedra's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkfeathers View Post
    Your father and my mother might just be related LOL It seems like what often begins as a way to relate, like, you say "I have a stomach ache" and I say "Oh I had one the other day" meaning I understand, then gets one-sided. Mine was worse and lasted longer, therefore yours is insignificant Maybe it's just human nature - at least for some humans - trying to one-up others, in good things and bad?
    I think that goes back to trying to sympathize & empathize which each other. Most of us do it and recognize it for what it is. Yet it's those really over the top ones that get to us, well at least to me anyway. That or the person who has an experience for every situation that you've ever experienced. Not only every situation but their's is greater in scale.
    I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

  7. #1757

    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    I also think that the empty shell thing is especially tough in late adolescence and early adulthood, because it feels like you should be fully "cooked" by then, but those years are really full of making mistakes and figuring it out- all the while comparing yourself to other people who look like they know what is what. I think the truth is more that we become more ourselves as we age, but we aren't really ever completely done. Over time we learn more what is consistently true about ourselves and feel more confident about it, but I also think we grow more comfortable with the changes and uncertainties. Part of learning who you are is seeing who emerges after a relationship ends, or the sports career doesn't materialize, or coming out of the other side of a trauma. I think that many of us have to teach this to ourselves. Sometimes we have community of family, friends, teachers,etc to help us, but at best we have other flawed people actively trying to help us. At worst we have other flawed people trying to sabotage us, or leaving us to flounder on our own. There were a fair number of divorces in my immediate and surrounding family and adult community when I was a child, and while there were definitely some bad aspects to this, I am so grateful that I saw so many people pick themselves up and make new lives for themselves.

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    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    Yes - people are so often told upon graduation that they have their whole lives in front of them, when really they're putting the only life they've known behind them. It was certainly a depressing and scary time for me.

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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    Nihilistic Goddess Medusa's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    I'm officially done prepping for my vacay. I got my bags at the door. All I need is a shower, sleep and away I goooooo!
    Satan is my spirit animal

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    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Whatcha thinking about now? (v2)

    Yay! Have fun!

    Pretty nice weekend here so far.

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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