Finding your God/Goddess?

[DavidMcCann]

I can only describe my own situation. I was confused for years, but some dreams indicated that I had to get over an obstacle so I made my mind up to commit to a religion. I knew I was a polytheist and that I wanted something with a track record (so not Neopaganism) that wouldn't leave me feeling foreign (so not Hinduism or Shinto). So Hellenic, Egyptian or Germanic? Somehow I decided to go for Hellenism. Do gods speak to me? Not really (although Asklepios did tell me to repaint his statue!) but I'm not worried. Don't forget that there's no right choice. If I'd chosen the Egyptians, it might have worked out just as well. Nor do you need to prove anything: people have been experiencing gods for millennia — just take their word for it. I'm always amused that people can believe in protons and that each contains 3 quarks, and yet have trouble with gods!

[pragon]

I don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for anymore. Perhaps it's right in front of me. Perhaps it's me. It's everything. The universe is God/Goddess! I don't know anymore. I don't really care anymore.

[Ula]

I've been searching for meaning, and answers for a long time now. My beliefs always seem to be changing. It's becoming quite the drag, and I was wondering how people stay with one faith/religion. There are times where I want to give up. I thought of becoming an atheist for a short time, but always seem to want to follow something. I guess that makes me an Agnostic. The fact is that I don't understand how some people are so strong, and determined in their faith. Do your Gods/Goddesses, or God/Goddess choose you?

I once heard someone say that you shouldn't necessarily seek the divine. They say to let it come to you. How can you do this? I find countless videos of people saying that their Gods/Goddesses came to them in a dream. Some people say you are born into the religion. Stay with your ancestors religion. I don't get it. Why are there so many different choices? What's up with this confusion?

Religion isn't a choice,it's a calling. You feel pulled to something. If your not it's not that big a deal unless you feel you need a god of some kind. Try things that focus on you finding you like journaling, meditation, lifestyle choices and see what comes along. You can be spiritual without divinity.

[anunitu]

Thank you Ula,just so my path called me and i went.

[pragon]

Religion isn't a choice,it's a calling. You feel pulled to something. If your not it's not that big a deal unless you feel you need a god of some kind. Try things that focus on you finding you like journaling, meditation, lifestyle choices and see what comes along. You can be spiritual without divinity.

Pragons says: It's not easy. The only thing leading me back to the divine is fear. I don't even want to believe in Hell anymore, but the concept of it is very frightful. Not easy to get out of that belief because I used to believe Hell. Maybe I still do. I can't seem to make up my mind. It is driving me mad and nuts. I will admit that. How in the world do people overcoming fears like this? Fears that are unknown for sure..... I mean dang! I don't want anyone to go to a place of eternal torment. Not Hitler. Not even the devil himself, if he exists. Who knows!?

So yeah that's it okay! I'm mad because I'm fearful of how this world is being run. I'm scared I get controlled sometimes by demons or gods/goddesses are messing with me. I mean how can I know for sure, right? Sometimes I feel like I am possessed and talk in weird tongues. It is unexplained. Sleep paralysis adds to this fear sometimes. The fact I tried selling my soul to devil adds to the fear. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I'll just stay an agnostic for life. I'm always changing and can't make up my mind. AHHHH!

[Shahaku]

Pragons says: It's not easy. The only thing leading me back to the divine is fear. I don't even want to believe in Hell anymore, but the concept of it is very frightful. Not easy to get out of that belief because I used to believe Hell. Maybe I still do. I can't seem to make up my mind. It is driving me mad and nuts. I will admit that. How in the world do people overcoming fears like this? Fears that are unknown for sure..... I mean dang! I don't want anyone to go to a place of eternal torment. Not Hitler. Not even the devil himself, if he exists. Who knows!?

So yeah that's it okay! I'm mad because I'm fearful of how this world is being run. I'm scared I get controlled sometimes by demons or gods/goddesses are messing with me. I mean how can I know for sure, right? Sometimes I feel like I am possessed and talk in weird tongues. It is unexplained. Sleep paralysis adds to this fear sometimes. The fact I tried selling my soul to devil adds to the fear. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I'll just stay an agnostic for life. I'm always changing and can't make up my mind. AHHHH!

A lot of these things (especially the paranoia you've been exhibiting) make me think that you should talk to a professional. I've had some pretty strange paranormal experiences, so I'm not going to say that nothing paranormal ever happens, but when you mix in the level of paranoia you've been showing, it's time to get some help. You're afraid that the world is out to get you (be it the government, spirits, doctors, or other people) and I have never seen that to actually be the case.

As far as overcoming your fear of hell, it takes time. I know that I held that niggling fear for years. Once I started getting some more experience and communicating with people of like minds (IRL, not online) it really helped. Because it didn't feel so strange to not believe, and because I started to understand that there were other systems of cosmic justice that weren't so black and white as heaven and hell (such as karma, or differing levels of afterlife, or rebirth).

[pragon]

[QUOTE=Shahaku;240081]A lot of these things (especially the paranoia you've been exhibiting) make me think that you should talk to a professional. I've had some pretty strange paranormal experiences, so I'm not going to say that nothing paranormal ever happens, but when you mix in the level of paranoia you've been showing, it's time to get some help. You're afraid that the world is out to get you (be it the government, spirits, doctors, or other people) and I have never seen that to actually be the case.

I have issues with speaking to people in real life. I've talked to professionals before. They only made my problem worse. Each time I go back, they give me another problem to deal with. I am quite sick of it. Why should I get told my beliefs are a mental disorder? How do you know its not the case? I'll be honest and say that I did invite a lot of darkness into my past. I'm probably reaping what I sown. I really do believe that powerful evil people exist in this world. That scares me and I've seen and witnessed enough to believe that.

They may not actually be after me, but I do believe they want to confuse all of humanity. Yes, there are times I get paranoid about demons and spirits. I guess its time to keep serious with my new years resolution: NO DRINKING ALCOHOL ANYMORE! Yep... I tend to be more open minded when it comes to using substances. Most everyone in my family drinks. My mothers an alcoholic. But what ever.... My question is who in the world do I talk to?

I'm been used in the past. Possibly mis-diagnosed. Yeah, I'll admit I have a hard time being honest with professionals in past but maybe they weren't even professionals. I'm lost. Guess my rants were withdrawal or me going manic. Idk. I'm really not a troll here. I'm just lost. Please don't think of me as a troll. I just say whats on my mind. A lot is bothering me. I am angry. I'm not lying about this stuff. Okay anyways I'm done.

[anunitu]

dude seems wrapped to tight

[Shahaku]

I have issues with speaking to people in real life. I've talked to professionals before. They only made my problem worse. Each time I go back, they give me another problem to deal with. I am quite sick of it. Why should I get told my beliefs are a mental disorder? How do you know its not the case? I'll be honest and say that I did invite a lot of darkness into my past. I'm probably reaping what I sown. I really do believe that powerful evil people exist in this world. That scares me and I've seen and witnessed enough to believe that.

They may not actually be after me, but I do believe they want to confuse all of humanity. Yes, there are times I get paranoid about demons and spirits. I guess its time to keep serious with my new years resolution: NO DRINKING ALCOHOL ANYMORE! Yep... I tend to be more open minded when it comes to using substances. Most everyone in my family drinks. My mothers an alcoholic. But what ever.... My question is who in the world do I talk to?

I'm been used in the past. Possibly mis-diagnosed. Yeah, I'll admit I have a hard time being honest with professionals in past but maybe they weren't even professionals. I'm lost. Guess my rants were withdrawal or me going manic. Idk. I'm really not a troll here. I'm just lost. Please don't think of me as a troll. I just say whats on my mind. A lot is bothering me. I am angry. I'm not lying about this stuff. Okay anyways I'm done.

I'm not saying it's easy, or that what you are experiencing isn't real. I am saying talking to someone in real life is probably a good step. I know it may not seem helpful, but if you don't want to talk to a psychologist, maybe try to find a local Unitarian Universalist minister and see if they can help? As UU ministers, they tend to be open to more paths than just Christianity, and they won't discount the spiritual element as psychosis like a psychologist might, and they have training that might be helpful. Even a local CUUPs leader may be of help to you. Meeting a person face-to-face allows you to read them in a way you can't online if nothing else. And nothing will improve in your physical life if you don't make changes there.

Also, I changed the color of your text. Automatic is the only color that really shows up on all of our backgrounds and we discourage members from changing the color of their text. Admins and moderates change the color of theirs to indicate that they are talking officially. Moderators are green and admins are red.

[pragon]

I'm not saying it's easy, or that what you are experiencing isn't real. I am saying talking to someone in real life is probably a good step. I know it may not seem helpful, but if you don't want to talk to a psychologist, maybe try to find a local Unitarian Universalist minister and see if they can help? As UU ministers, they tend to be open to more paths than just Christianity, and they won't discount the spiritual element as psychosis like a psychologist might, and they have training that might be helpful. Even a local CUUPs leader may be of help to you. Meeting a person face-to-face allows you to read them in a way you can't online if nothing else. And nothing will improve in your physical life if you don't make changes there.

Also, I changed the color of your text. Automatic is the only color that really shows up on all of our backgrounds and we discourage members from changing the color of their text. Admins and moderates change the color of theirs to indicate that they are talking officially. Moderators are green and admins are red.

Sorry about the colors.... Anyhow...

I just got done reading a post about that Bartolmol dude. Please forgive me for not spelling his name right. He is that Christian guy and I was reading the left hand path posts. Anyhow, I can kind of relate to when he was asking how you conjour up demons and stuff. Well, I opened myself to possession quite a few times. My main goal in the past was to get possessed. Many because I wanted to believe in this stuff. I wasn't 100 % if it was real or not. So I took that chance. I watched things I shouldn't have watched. Did things I shouldn't. I wasn't serious about the path. I pretty much just did it because I was lost and confused.... and now...........

I think I'm suffering because of all that as well. Drugs didn't help either. I find myself to be more spiritual when I was under the influence of marijuana. Yeah, I get its legal in a lot of states here. Not here to praise it or share it. Just stating that I used to do it and drinking too. My mind is very open to spirituality when I am under the influence of something. Things get scary and too real. So 1/3/2019. Been off drinking since December 31. I'm working on getting better but hey....

I still think there's something paranormal at work in my life. I had a pastor and ex-theistic satanist bless my house in the past. I remember the ex-satanist telling me things would get worse if I indulged back into the practices. Well, I sure as hell didn't listen since I ended up losing my faith in Christianity. Read the whole bible and was like yep... This is not something I agree with nor follow. My mind is all the place. It's like an insanity. Maybe the demons want me insane. I'm sure they enjoy it.

Sometimes I want to die. Sometimes I am so angry and hate everything. But look at me now. It's like after yesterday I feel like a whole new person. I can't seem to handle myself when I lash out or rage sometimes. It freaking sucks. It really freaking does. I wish they had UU close to me. I don't drive. Transportation is an issue for me. This is so hard to find the right professional. I've already been told I was nuts plenty of times. Been drugged the heck out at psyche wards to the point I was crawling on the ground. This is why I can't stand many of those in this field.

I've been used. I'm not lying about. I already put my trust in people. Nothing good seems to happen to me anymore. Seems the more I age, the worse my life gets. I remember someone on facebook telling me that they were going to curse me and I would die. Maybe it came true since i feel dead as hell inside. It's like my soul is being used. Idk. Perhaps I'm over thinking it but hey... What's wrong with thinking, right? I have been through 10-20 lab tops in my lifetime, 5-10 musical instruments, maybe more.. I have a destructive habit when I get disturbed. I destroy my room or paint on my walls. I feel torment in my mind constantly. I don't think an ordinary doctor is going to understand my past.

I ain't right. I get that..... Something I did in the past really screwed my life up. Yet I was curious and I guess curiosity killed the cat. Funny because I tried worshiping Bast a few times. I think I try everything at least once. Never really stay in one thing. Can't seem to shut that part of my mind off. One day I'm CHristian, next I'm a muslim, next I'm a pagan then I'm having a beer and telling Satan my problems. I mean I don't know anymore lol. I'm laughing but maybe its a demonic attachment idk. Pastor used to say I had that. Had to get some deliverance but now I don't go to that BRC church anymore. More like Brooklyn Reformed Cult lol.

I need to laugh or else I'd be closer to death. Still don't really want to live over 30. Maybe I'll be one of the 27 year old group. I don't know anymore........... But yep... That's pretty much it now.