Finding your God/Goddess?

[Shahaku]

I don't personally believe in demons or Satan (at least not in the Christian sense). I'm not Christian. I do believe in energies and the astral world. And one thing I've learned with astral work, is that there are two dichotomies (if you want to break everything down real simple). Let's call them Sky and Earth. Sky is light, open, airy. Earth is heavy, cocooning, and dense. Neither is good or evil, they just are. Some might call the energies of the Earth demons, because they are darker and heavier. But they are also grounding. If you pull too much of one kind of energy to you, your life won't be in balance. If you want to talk spiritually, maybe that's your answer. Seek out the "Sky" energy. Release some of the "Earth" energy back to the depths.

And none of this is saying you shouldn't find someone IRL to connect with. A real life support system is important.

[faye_cat]

It sort of sounds like the "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" spirituality with your past has given you some distrust towards spirituality/religion/beliefs. I would encourage you to start with the very basics again, and rebuild a foundation that enriches your life rather than worries or scares you. Perhaps read some of the original texts, like the Tao Te Ching and such.

- - - Updated - - -

As Shahaku said, finding a support group in person is absolutely key. Even if they don't believe in the same stuff as you, having that group to encourage or discuss things helps so much.