My daughter is whining on the couch while I'm trying to study... I really wish I could find a way to stop the whining...

We're at a difficult point in the parenting journey. Our daughter is four and half and getting old enough that we really do expect her to be able to listen and follow directions. She apparently does really well at school, but at home it's terrible.

I talked to her doctor about maybe getting her evaluated for ADHD or sensory issues, but the doc said they don't evaluate for anything until 6 and her teacher says she great in class, especially compared to some of the other kids. Nova says I hurt her ears any time I talk to her with a slightly raised voice. She melts down any time she's told no. The tantrums don't seem to be slowing down or getting better to me, and may be getting worse since I put her in school. We've tried time outs. I've tried time-ins. For a brief period we tried spanking.

We're looking into a parenting classes, but I'm soooo iffy. I prefer the outlook of attachment parenting (though I feel like they go overboard a lot of the time) but their advice is typically more for babies and toddlers and I don't know what to do with a preschoolers.

Bedtime is a nightmare. She doesn't go to sleep until 11 some nights. For a long time (from the time she was 2 until about 6mo ago) we had a rule that she had to be in her room after 7:30 and she could play or watch TV (which I know is bad) until she fell asleep, but that almost always led to screaming/panicky kid. A couple times she would cry so hard that she would throw up. And a lot of the time I would go sit with her until she calmed down or fell asleep, but then I would be exhausted and lose out on adult time. Now, I just stay up until she goes to sleep. On nights when I need to go to sleep earlier, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she has a pallet in our room she can move to.

We've gotten into some pretty huge parenting arguments because there's three of us each wanting to take a different approach. I've read tons of books, and am part of several groups on Facebook, but it's not easy and nothing we try seems to work.