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Thread: Respect

  1. #11
    PF Ordo Hereticus MaskedOne's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    Quote Originally Posted by anubisa View Post
    Respect is earned. You are not automatically assigned it. The famous golden rule applies in my opinion. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I appreciate everyone's opinions. Thank you for your replies.
    Respect should for the most part be earned, yes. I do tend to agree with Corbin that courtesy has benefits regardless and that abandoning formalities (even if they seem empty) entirely comes with a cost to society at large. That said, there are days where my position amounts to, "90% of the species has already abandoned courtesy and playing by rules that no one else does gets old very quickly," but it's possible that I just dislike humanity.
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  2. #12

    Re: Respect

    I think a certain amount of manners and dreaded small talk are actually a social necessity. I am naturally very introverted and they sometimes annoy or tire me, but even I can see that they serve a purpose. When someone observes common social niceties, they are displaying a basic good will- an intent that the following conversation or interaction will proceed within comfortable parameters, and is not intended to end in violence for instance. There is a reason that when you travel or learn a new language, the first things you learn are polite greetings, please and thank you. They serve a place across many cultures.


    Manners may change over time as social mores change. Rapid change in technology is accelerating this, as is the fact that the human population is still growing exponentially. It doesn't mean that the changes are wrong or right, just that the rules shift a little bit, and it makes people uneasy and defensive. Plus, I think that many of us have semantic opinions, and hate to lose the opportunity to have our opinions prevail.

    My daughter had a friend who moved here from the southern US, and she was actually sent to the principal's office for calling her teacher Ma'am. We live in a rather conservative and ostensibly polite culture here, and I was rather surprised. I would have thought that the teacher would have been raised to say say Sir and Ma'am to authority figures. I think there was an implication that it was sarcastic, but knowing the child, I think she was just Southern.

    Regarding respect, I personally allot a basic amount of respect to everyone as a human being trying to get along in the world. It grows or diminishes based on my experience of their behavior, and sometimes their opinions, but a stranger is going to get the basic "we are mutual humans out in the public world" level of respect. I am going to assume that they are working on the same level until proven other wise. I do think that there seem to be fewer people who do this, but mostly I think people are oblivious and working within their own framework at any given time. I also think that it is easier to be rude with the anonymity of the internet, and that it is seeping into the outside world. But then again, I think that a great deal of television and radio encourages disrespect because louder and ruder increases ratings.

    I wonder if the teenagers at that store thought that she was somehow being rude to them. I have worked enough retail to think that that is very much a possibility. Also, there are just differences across demographic groups sometimes. Kind of like younger to middle aged people taking offense when someone types in all caps because it is established as shouting, and older people just thinking it is easier for them to read.

    And finally, some types of manners are social constructs to help clue people in to levels of wealth or social standing. Some of these sometimes seem pretty obvious, sometimes not. I use a rule of thumb that manners are designed to make others more comfortable in a social setting, for instance eating politely instead of spattering food everywhere. But it is good to watch out for judging others for not having been introduced to your own cultural mores. Mocking someone for only having one pair of shoes or because they don't know the difference between a fish fork and a shellfish fork for obvious instance. Those things are not about increasing comfort, they are about exclusion.
    Last edited by Prickly Pear; 05 Apr 2019 at 19:03. Reason: Somehow my final point ended up in the middle.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member Bartmanhomer's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    I agree with everybody. Respect have to be earned especially being well liked. If people don't like you then they don't respect you at all.

  4. #14

    Re: Respect

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    I agree with everybody. Respect have to be earned especially being well liked. If people don't like you then they don't respect you at all.
    I don't know if I fully agree. I think you are mostly right. There are people I dislike because I don't respect them. There are also people I respect although I don't necessarily like them. Maybe someone has a personality that grates on me, but I can see that it is just a difference in culture or personal taste, and that they still have good qualities. Just that I would prefer to respect those qualities from afar.

  5. #15
    Bronze Member Bartmanhomer's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    Quote Originally Posted by Prickly Pear View Post
    I don't know if I fully agree. I think you are mostly right. There are people I dislike because I don't respect them. There are also people I respect although I don't necessarily like them. Maybe someone has a personality that grates on me, but I can see that it is just a difference in culture or personal taste, and that they still have good qualities. Just that I would prefer to respect those qualities from afar.
    That's true. Depending on people opinion of liking and respecting other people and vice verse varies on people point of view.

  6. #16
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    Respect is earned by showing respect to "me."

    If you show respect to me, I will show respect to you. Even when I disagree with you, I will still respect you. But whether I agree with you or not, if you show disrespect for me, I will develop an animosity toward you.

    This is a social contract. What you give me, I will return (with interest).

    In terms of social benefits, it is better to begin with respect toward others, then take it away respect if it is found to be underseved, that it is to expect the other to earn respect, because in the former case, one begins with the expectation both parties are equals, but in the later, one is expected to prove that one is an equal.

    Begin with an equal playing field, then regrade the field as needed. No lords, no peons; show which rank you fall into via your own actions.
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  7. #17

    Re: Respect

    Quote Originally Posted by B. de Corbin View Post

    In terms of social benefits, it is better to begin with respect toward others, then take it away respect if it is found to be underseved, that it is to expect the other to earn respect, because in the former case, one begins with the expectation both parties are equals, but in the later, one is expected to prove that one is an equal.

    Begin with an equal playing field, then regrade the field as needed. No lords, no peons; show which rank you fall into via your own actions.
    That is the part of this that I have never articulated well, but felt strongly.

  8. #18
    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    My thoughts are influenced somewhat by respect for the law, not just for individuals. In some (many?) cases, they go hand-in-hand. For example, in a town with leash laws, if a neighbor lets their pet loose and it uses your yard as a toilet, that person is disrespecting both the law and the neighbor's property.

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  9. #19
    Supporter Torey's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    I have little time for people these days because of things like this. Too rude. I don't waste my time in public anymore than I need to.

  10. #20
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: Respect

    new times new rules i guess and confusing at times

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