It's your funeral

[Corvus]

I'm currently taking a class on grief and bereavement across different cultures. I thought it would be interesting, of only because I'm currently doing work as pagan clergy and it would behoove me to have as much information as possible to assist in that capacity. The most recent assignment asked us to contemplate how we want our own funerals to go and I thought that was an interesting topic to bring to discussion.

Western society has a taboo around death, we dont like to see or talk about it. However we also have many rituals and symbols surrounding it. As time goes on our funerals have become more individual, different from the rigid structure and regularity of our ancestors. My textbook even poses that funerals may sometimes be narcissistic, and risk misrepresenting the person as they were.

I would argue that this is a reflection of our growing ability to show our individuality and diversity in life, that our death rituals have become as unique as we are. As pagans we lack a specific codified faith or dogma. We dont need to worry that the music we choose for service is theologically inappropriate or that theres some conflict between the orthodoxy and what the common people believe. Our religion is itself a symbol is individualism, forging our own path and knowledge, and this gives us great justification to decide how we want our remains treated, even when many of us live in culturally Christian countries surrounded by their death rituals.

So my question is the same one my professor posed to me: can you give us some insight into how your want your funeral rights conducted? Do you want your body available for viewing? And what factors both personal and related to cultural norms are influencing your decisions?

[anunitu]

Though it might seem off in cultural terms,i would want my funeral to celebrate life and a positive vision of death being a salvation of release from this world of mortal restrictions. does this make sense?

[Sean R. R.]

The moment I'm dead my body doesn't belong to me anymore, as there is no more "me", and my opinion won't realistically matter much. I leave to my loved ones the chore of deciding how to dispose of my remains.

[anunitu]

maybe out of this thresds content,but could not find the whos dead thread.
at any rate Ginger Baker the drummer has died
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/06/a...aker-dead.html

[Shahaku]

So for the last year I’ve been studying mortuary science. There’s been a lot of focus on individualized funerals, the movement to secular funerals, etc. I had to write a themed eulogy for my husband (the theme was a D&D campaign) and create a memorial book and obituary for my own funeral. I know some of my musical choices were Down in the Garden, by Damh the Bard, and Morrigan by Omnia. I think I may have included Warrior Queen by Kellianna.

My obit included all the usual facts, but also my involvement in CUUPs. I didn’t have to write my own eulogy, but if I had to pick a theme, it would probably revolve around my faith in some way. I want the ceremony to have a ritual feel, but I don’t want it to be a full on ritual because a lot of my family isn’t pagan, and I don’t want them to feel unwelcome. I think I’d like for my CUUPs peeps to come back and do rituals on my grave at Samhain though... that would be cool, and if I included in my will and I had family present I don’t think the cemetery could stop it.

I’d love to be buried at Circle in Wisconsin, mostly because it’s the closest pagan burial site. But any green burial location would be fine. There just aren’t any in Iowa. I hope to change that. Even if I don’t finish my degree, I can still own and operate a cemetery. I just can’t embalm, etc.

I really want a green burial. No embalming, or if it’s necessary, ecoembalming fluid, buried in a shroud, no vault or casket. If a casket is necessary (some cemeteries require them) then I want it made from some wood significant to our faith, but I haven’t really thought about which one, because I don’t want a casket. And I want that whole thing where each person shovels in some dirt before leaving.

Part of that is because it’s the most environmentally friendly and natural way to be buried. I want my body to decompose and return to the earth. Cremation with a tree urn is my secondary option. But cremation does release smoke into the air (albeit it’s pretty well filtered) and also uses significant resources. If I somehow win the lottery, the whole Viking burial at sea thing sounds amazing, but it’s ridiculously expensive, you have to have a boat that can get miles away from shore, and it’s just not practical. And again, fire, smoke, resources, etc.

There’s a lot more I could say, but this is getting long already. I may come back to it though.

[Hawkfeathers]

I really need to begin the formalities to ensure this is carried out. I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered in a couple of specific places, along with Mack's and, if she should pre-decease me, Buddy's. I don't want any kind of typical funeral thing at all. I'll write a little blurb to go in the local paper, most of which they'll have to censor. LOL

[Shahaku]

I really need to begin the formalities to ensure this is carried out. I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered in a couple of specific places, along with Mack's and, if she should pre-decease me, Buddy's. I don't want any kind of typical funeral thing at all. I'll write a little blurb to go in the local paper, most of which they'll have to censor. LOL

Just remember, whoever’s your next of kin will make the decisions, reguardless of your will, unless you have a designee.

[faye_cat]

I've looked into green burials. I like the idea of it. I have thought of cremation, which was my long standing first wish, but I love that there are more eco-friendly options now.

The main thing is I still want a place in the earth. Not sure where that would be or what it would look like, but I want a spot to rest, where others can come to see me. No traveling urn for me.

Funeral wise, I want it to be a mix of solemn and uplifting. I don't even know if a funeral is necessary, or just a wake. I would honestly rather just have a wake with a small farewell in it at some point.

[Dunkeld]

The moment I'm dead my body doesn't belong to me anymore, as there is no more "me", and my opinion won't realistically matter much. I leave to my loved ones the chore of deciding how to dispose of my remains.

I think along the same lines.
But I must confess that I would not mind if somebody might lay down a flower on my grave sometime.

[Corvus]

"If I die young bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song"

I've had a mild obsession with my own mortality on and off for awhile, partially because I'm now a priest who sometimes does funerals and because I've been suicidal at various points, so I've given.. let's say a greater than normal amount of thought to my funeral. I want to be cremated and my ashes either scattered or buried in the mountainous forests around my home region of upstate New York, I've even got a few choices of nice carved wooden boxes to serve as an urn. I want my temple to construct a temporary altar with the various ritual objects and symbols then do the service and either scatter my ashes, or bury them under a tree. It's my wish that Hecate be prayed to and spells of protection on the journey to the next life be spoken. A cairn made by my community either atop my grave or nearby should be made to mark the area. Fire will transmute my body into a new substance, just as my spirit has become something new, and the components of my being shall be returned to nature before I begin the next life. The ceremony and ritual appeals to me.