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Thread: What's happening to me?

  1. #1
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    What's happening to me?

    I don't know whether this is the right place for this kind of question, but I felt as though this community might be able to offer the best advice on what I'm about to say. I don't know whether some of you can relate to this, or whether I'm about to sound completely insane, but please try and be understanding and keep an open mind about this.

    Paganism and witchcraft have always been close to me, even though I've never actively practised either aside from the few odd spells. I collect crystals, have tarot cards, draw sigils, but it's very much in secret and not a daily thing. I wouldn't call myself a Christian, more so agnostic- I pray every now and again, and I think I believe in God, but I'm questioning a lot of those beliefs, which I feel is normal. One thing I'm definitely certain about though, is that something is happening in my life, even though I don't know what it is.

    For as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to the night sky- I suppose that would be the best way to describe it. I used to stare at them outside my grandmother's house when I was a child, and it always filled me with a strange feeling that I couldn't quite describe. As I grew up, I began to notice it more, and it became more pronounced when I first got interested in witchcraft, etc. I've always felt...drawn to the moon, but not in the ways I've heard/read witches speaking about. It's more pronounced in the autumn and winter, and only ever when the moon is full- I stand at my window and watch it, and I get filled with this strange feeling, the only way I can describe it is, a desire to go. I see the street outside and I feel like I should be out there, walking, going somewhere, doing something, but I don't know where and I don't know what. Sometimes, the urge to just leave has been so strong, I've contemplated just leaving the house in the middle of the night and going. I feel as though I'm being pulled- my body, or my mind, wants me to go, but I don't know where.

    I know this sounds crazy, but I'm only writing this because tonight, the feeling is stronger than ever. It's not a running away kind of feeling- I don't want to run from something, I want to go to something, I just don't know what. Have you ever looked at someone and felt like they were trying to tell you something without actually saying anything? That's the feeling I get whenever I look at the moon- like something, be it the universe or some higher power, is trying to send me a message, to tell me something, but I'm just not getting it.

    I know that witches say the moon is powerful, and some say it's a goddess. I understand that completely, but it's not like I'm sensing power, or anything like that. Like I said, and I'm aware I'm repeating myself but I'm a little stuck for words here, it's an urge to go somewhere. I feel like I'm being called to, summoned by something, and my body, or my heart can sense it and wants to follow. And I don't know why that makes me so sad, but it does- it fills me with a deep sense of sadness that I can't explain, and makes me cry so badly. But I don't know what I'm crying for, and it's so confusing!

    I think the best word for it would be homesickness. It feels me with a longing for something unknown to me, something I lost a long time ago. And nowhere I go satisfies the feeling. When I stand at my window and look out at the night, I feel as though I should be out there, walking into the night, following the moon, with some kind of purpose, going somewhere.

    I don't know what to make of this. For my entire life, or as much as I can remember of it, I've felt this feeling. And I've never told anyone about it, because it doesn't make any sense to me, so I can't expect it to make any sense to anyone else either. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. And as strange and stupid as this may sound, I know I'm not crazy. So what's happening to me?

  2. #2
    Newbie Spookhelm's Avatar
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    Re: What's happening to me?

    It is the calling of Roon. Many have felt it before, but whether you follow the call is for you to decide.

    That's a reference to "The Gods of Pegana", by the way.
    If it's not giving you any peace, it probably won't go away of its own accord. Try going. Maybe you'll end up somewhere nice, or maybe you'll find out more about what's driving you.
    Last edited by Spookhelm; 18 Oct 2019 at 01:46.

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