--Hello everyone. New member, first thread--just wanted to get some opinions on some things and kinda' introduce what it is that brought me here. I'm not really sure if there will end up being a quesiton in here, but there may also end up being several. All in all, I just want to get some insight from people with the types of perspectives that generally characterize this forum's userbase X D
--In 2004/05, the internet really started to take off. I was raised in a Christian household and grew up in a small town, so I didn't really have any external influences except what I saw in movies, video games, etc., and we all know the views expressed in the mainstream are very generalized and somewhat sterile. I still remember the first time I ever went on Wikipedia. I was looking up "the Divine Comdedy," which is an epic poem by the legendary Italian poet, Dante (he has a last name, but like Beyonce and Slash it's hardly necessary). I actually didn't know what to make of that poem--I was so young and so...uninformed or underexposed (like everyone before the internet) that I actually thought it was a true story in some strange way, probably because the majority of my exposure to Christianity had been the book of Revelation (it has dragons and crazy things going on, so of course it caught the attention of a 15 year old, especially when he'd been told it was all "real"). The entire thing just blew my mind, and I couldn't wrap my head around how all of this was supposed to be taken seriously...So, I decided that instead of just taking it all at face value, I'd test it out. One of the things my mom had always brought up for some reason (probably because we all watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer a lot) was that the Book of Revelation said witches, warlocks, and anyone who practiced magic would be cast into Hell without question as such things were an abomination before the Lord. I figured that must mean such things as magic were actually real in some way, because why would God condemn make believe fairy tale nonsense? Therefore...what better way to see if this was all really real then, well, magic.
--I apologize if this is way, way too long already...I just...I wanted to be as clear as possible. This is all the truest thing I could possibly tell anyone, and it's been the single biggest factor in my life since...well, since it happened 14 years ago. Again...maybe I just wanna' know what others think, or maybe if they'd experienced similar things, or maybe...Well, I don't know, but here I am, and I hope you're all still with me.
--So then I...between the years of 16 and 18...got really, really into the occult (I still am, just in a much different way). It was all basic introductory, The Craft level "dabbling," though--nothing serious at first. Candles, sigils, seances, braiding hair, burning incantations...so on and so forth. It really didn't get too intense until we got a Quija board, and I know...it's a board game made by the people that make Monopoly, but we sure as hell treated it like...well, like most people treat it (I think that's what makes it more than just a board game).
--We started using the Quija board, like, every day. We would consult it before doing even mundane things like going to the store or out to eat. We'd break it out at parties, and in our spare time (which was all the time because we were in high school) we'd take it to graveyard and talk for hours; there was this big black tomb stone with a single name in huge, white letters--BEKO--that we sat beside every time (we did this so often we could find our way there in the dark without any issues whatsoever).
--A lot of weird things happened...but I just shrugged it all off because I didn't actually see any of it. One time, for instance, I was sleeping with my girlfriend...She was 16 going on 17 and I'd just turned 18, so I'd moved out into a friend's apartment and was staying in their extra bedroom. I was falling asleep, but she was wide eyed with the blankets up to her chin, whispering to me in a panic: "El, there's something in the room."
--"What?"
--"A shadow--I don't know, but it's just staring at me."
--"Where is it?"
--"At the foot of the bed."
--"Oh...as long as it's at the foot of the bed, it's fine," I'd told her. "It's only a problem if it's beside the bed."
--I don't know where I'd heard that, but that just goes to show how...uncaring I was about the whole thing--unaffected, really. I knew what I wanted, and it wasn't shadows or weird noises or power bumps or anything like that--I wanted to know if the devil was real, and by extension if God was real...then I could know--truly know--that it was a good idea to be a Christian. I just wanted to know.
--Another strange thing, just real quick, was when I'd decided to move out of that apartment. We'd packed everything up and, again, my girlfriend and I were lying in bed, talking about what was gonna' happen next. This odd tapping sound kept happening as we were talking, but we ignored it until finally she was like, "What the hell is that sound?" Getting up to investigate, and I swear this is true, we realized it was the Quija board's little planchette thing knocking against the inside of the box (my girlfriend had made a special board for us in shop class out of high quality wood with a fancy box, almost like a wooden briefcase). We were...mildly amused by this...and just kept talking, eventually falling asleep.
--Then...well...after we'd gotten a little more serious about the magic we were doing--we'd moved into "ceremonial magic," and the "highlight" of that was my girlfriend and I breaking into this old abandoned mansion on the hill overlooking the town (K.C. Hall in Tonopah, NV--I'm totally serious) and spending, like, eight hours straight drawing this incredibly detailed and complicated sigil for an evocation taken from the Lesser Key of Solomon (I don't know if this is related, but every attempt that's been made to renovate and reopen/resale that place has failed miserably, losing people millions in some cases)...Yeah, after that...
--I had a friend named Rena...and her boyfriend, who she'd met online, came down from Reno to see her--we called him "Twitch." He came over to our apartment, and without even knowing the guy at all he came out from the bathroom and immediately said, "Dude, your house is haunted. I was washing my hands and saw this black shadow over my shoulder--like, really." Like before, though, I didn't believe him--I thought his girlfriend, Rena, had told him about what we were in to and he was messing with us. After all, I'd never seen anything...yet.
--So...we all decided to go out of town...and we had a good time...and on the way back from California, driving through the Sierra Nevada mountains, Rena decided to break up with Twitch in the back seat of the car. Clearing the mountain pass, we pulled off the road to let him get some air and he just...took off in to the desert. We waited...and waited...and the sun started going down...so me and another friend (Ashley) decided to go look for him. Now I've thought a lot about why it was Ashely who saw this thing with me and not, say, my girlfriend, but I think it's because, like me, Ashley was raised Christian. Ashley really believed. Also...I guess at a party I'd threatened Ashley with a...uh...like, metal saw or big ass nail or something when her and I had gone into the shed out behind the homeowner's house to get more alcohol (she said that I said the tool--whatever it was--was a present from "them" because she didn't believe and kept making jokes about all of it, but I...don't remember any of that at all...I actually had a lot of things like this happen, as for instance that night the planchette kept knocking against the box I later woke up standing over my the bed of my girlfriend's sister...and I don't remember getting up or anything at all that time either...but again...I just ignored these things...or really...it was more like...well...well...I could, like...hear things, I guess...like...I'd have thoughts and I knew it wasn't really me thinking it, but, well, "them," whoever they were...the spirits, I guess...and I'd be...compelled to listen, I guess...like I wasn't really able to control what I was doing, but I knew I was doing it because they wanted me to--little things, which maybe aren't so little, like not eating properly or not...just...I don't know--I don't really think about that stuff...It's like I can't really think about it anymore...like my mind just won't go there, or...ANYWAY).
--Okay, so...Ashley and I--
--(This is a rambling mess and I'll be incredibly surprised if anyone makes it through this X D)
-- --went to look for Twitch in the desert. It was twilight...still bright enough in the sky, but the ground was becoming an array of shadows...And some odd things happened: We passed this old foundation where a house once stood (in the middle of the desert off a road in the middle of nowhere). It was essentially a rectangular depression encased with a concrete wall about three feet high, ya' know? Full of snakes...like, all kinds of snakes, but not like crawling all over each other, just...here and there in the corners, some dead, but others not so much--I almost stepped on one, and looking around in a panic was when we saw the foundation...It was strange, for sure...but we kept going (I'm beginning to see how incredibly stupid or just incredibly determined we were to not see how absolutely insane things were getting...like WTF, right? X D). Then we kept hearing this really weird noise, like a boar, or a roar of some kind--three times we heard it while walking through the sage brush over little hills, but we kept going cause, well, we had to find Twitch and get home, didn't we?
--Then, we came to this little cliff and climbed down the rocks, and out in front of us was a hill that was bigger then the rest. About halfway up the hill was a group of rocks, and on the rocks was what we thought was Twitch. He'd been wearing black--black pants, black hoodie--and it looked like he was sitting with the arms around his knees. He was far up the hill, and it was dusk so the light was sketchy, but yeah, it was him sitting there--I could see his arms around his knees. So we called out to him. We walked closer and called out again. He stood up...
--(Every time I try to tell people this I get this terrible feeling like all manner of crazy things are just gonna' pop up on me at any second--it's terrifying)
--He started...swinging at the air--like he was furious, throwing a fit, a tantrum even. Flailing the way people flail in mosh pits. Ashley and I were just like, "Wow...okay...understandable I guess." And the thing is, we could see this--we could see that he was standing there throwing his arms about on this f***ing rock.
--(This is the weirdest s*** ever, guys, just thinking about it makes my eyes water)
--And then...he just...He kept swinging, but it...slowed down...like...graceful--like dancing. Keep in mind, he was wearing all black, hood up, and it was sunset and there were shadows and he was far away up this hill, but still...we could see him. And then...he started to, like...tumble...like...cart-wheels...but...as he went over onto his hands, his hands seemed to become his feet, because even though he went over he'd just start swinging again...like he hadn't...like his hands had become his feet and vice versa...twisting...SWAYING, is perhaps the best word...Dancing...but IT WAS TERRIFYING.
--Ashley and I just stood there, absolutely dumbfounded, not saying a word, not moving an inch. Even while I was watching it, all I kept thinking was, "That's not possible. That's not real. Things can't do stuff like that," but not really freaking out...like a joke or a prank or a magic trick when you just think, "What...that can't happen." But there wasn't any magicians in the desert--this wasn't a d*** Criss Angel show in Vegas...and so we just stood and watched...for a long time, though I don't know exactly how long...and then I asked her, "Are you seeing this?"
--"Yeah--WTF is he doing?"
--"I don't know," was my reply, and you see we still thought that somehow it had to be Twitch...after all, what else would it be? So I stepped forward, and it stopped.
--Mid motion, poised to sway, it froze and looked right at us. We were already in awe, so we didn't really react, just remained still and silent, and then the d*** thing on the rock crouched down. Slowly, it started to crawl off the rocks down towards us, and as it did it seemed to change shape...growing in some ways, getting smaller in others, until at last we were sure that what we were looking at was a bear. It WAS a bear, climbing down the rocks, coming to get us, and at that moment we started to seriously lose our s***.
--"Is that a f***ing bear!?"
--"IDK, do they have bears in the desert??"
--"WTF, man, what do we do!?"
--"I don't know--run??"
--Aha...yeah, but we still didn't move at all. It looked so much like a bear, far off up the hill on the rocks, that we'd completely forgot about the fact that only moments ago it was flailing around on thin legs like a human. Now, it was a bear, and maybe because we could actually rationalize that--a bear--our minds latched on to that...
--But it wasn't a bear...because when I dared to take back the small step I'd made earlier...it stopped. Dead in its tracks, it started to move backwards back up the rocks, STOOD UP on its HUMAN legs, and then sat down, putting its arms around its knees...just like when we'd first came upon it.
--…
--We hurried back up the small cliff face, and RAN BACK TO THE CAR. About half way back we ran into my girlfriend and the others (Rena and Jennie). Panic stricken, we told them what we'd seen, and Jennie, the fool, was like, "I want to see it," but we screamed, "NO! We're going back to the car, NOW!"
--When we got back, we realized that Twitch had walked out a little ways, turned in a wide arc, and came right back to the car. He'd been there the whole time.
--…
--...I'm not asking what that was (though any opinions are more than welcome). I'm not asking why it appeared out there and not, say, in the magic triangle in the abandoned mansion (though thoughts on that would be nice, as well). All I'm really doing...is saying that I saw something that I KNOW isn't..."part of this world." There's nothing--NOTHING--that I know of that can behave in the way in which that thing behaved...So then I know now...that things like that exist...but I don't know for certain what it was...where it came from or why...or what it all means...and I've spent the last 14 years trying desperately to figure that out...
--I have...no social life...I work...I've had girlfriends and relationships...I'm an artist...I have hobbies...but more and more everything and everyone seemed to just...fall away...because, in part, of my obsessive quest to figure out what the hell that thing was, what it means, and why we saw it out there...I've spent eight hours a day for the last seven years or more researching every book and video and blog I can on religion, spirituality, mysticism, history, science...philosophy, anthropology, psychology, theology and various ideologies...on and on and on...
--Because...even thought I saw it...it doesn't prove any one idea over any other idea. Say it was a "demon." Okay, but does that necessarily prove the bible? No, because what if it was a skin walker? Does that prove Native American beliefs? A vengeful ghost? Does it prove how and why such things should be a reality at all? The Big Bang? God? The Devil...? It doesn't prove anything except that there are things out there...that are not part of our every day experience...and for which we have little to no comprehensive data...
--Confusion...and so I fully understand Crowley's last words: "I am perplexed..."
--...But...I know, like, a ridiculous amount of stuff on all of that stuff now...so...I'm looking forward to being a part of this community.
--Thank you to anyone who made it through all that. I'd love to hear what you all have to say.
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