I'm on a journey and it's not easy. I had a serious wake up call this year regarding some of the people I've been trying to keep in my life. For years, I've felt frustrated, confused, and deeply hurt in many of my dealings with these people. Most were immediate family members (parents and siblings), and a couple of them were an old "friend" and boyfriend. To make a long story short, I began to do a lot of research and reading and things started to click. First of all, I was the family scapegoat. I have been mostly shunned and ignored by the very people who were meant to be there for me and care for me. My ex-friend and especially two boyfriends are narcissists who put me through a roller coaster of pain, emotional abuse, and confusion before I was finally able to realize what was going on.
It's been shocking to me to come to the realization that there are people our there (sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, etc.) who literally don't care at all about the damage and hurt they inflict on others. Then there are those of us who care deeply and have great empathy for others. How can there be such a difference? It's as if some of these people are operating at a purely reptilian level brain and it's truly scary. At 53, I'm no spring chicken, and realize now how much time and energy I have wasted on people who don't care about me and have actually enjoyed causing me pain. I guess realizing now is better late than never. I have gone no contact with all of these people (yes, even my family) and it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. These are people who have hurt me in many ways over the years, never really even got to know me, and have mostly ignored me anyway.
I'm wondering if it is unusual to have such a large number of toxic people in someone's life (like practically everyone I used to be associated with). I know much of it was caused by my lack of boundaries (the emotional abuse I experienced growing up pretty much shot my self esteem to hell) but it still seems strange and almost shocking to me. Distancing myself from these people has been one of the best things I've ever done, but it sure is a lonely journey (at least for now), and it's a difficult subject to talk about because many people don't understand how or why I'm not close with my family. This is pure self preservation on my part, and I have had to learn how to care about me and love myself.
If anyone has had similar experiences and/or have found ways to deal - I would love to hear from you! Peace
It's been shocking to me to come to the realization that there are people our there (sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, etc.) who literally don't care at all about the damage and hurt they inflict on others. Then there are those of us who care deeply and have great empathy for others. How can there be such a difference? It's as if some of these people are operating at a purely reptilian level brain and it's truly scary. At 53, I'm no spring chicken, and realize now how much time and energy I have wasted on people who don't care about me and have actually enjoyed causing me pain. I guess realizing now is better late than never. I have gone no contact with all of these people (yes, even my family) and it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. These are people who have hurt me in many ways over the years, never really even got to know me, and have mostly ignored me anyway.
I'm wondering if it is unusual to have such a large number of toxic people in someone's life (like practically everyone I used to be associated with). I know much of it was caused by my lack of boundaries (the emotional abuse I experienced growing up pretty much shot my self esteem to hell) but it still seems strange and almost shocking to me. Distancing myself from these people has been one of the best things I've ever done, but it sure is a lonely journey (at least for now), and it's a difficult subject to talk about because many people don't understand how or why I'm not close with my family. This is pure self preservation on my part, and I have had to learn how to care about me and love myself.
If anyone has had similar experiences and/or have found ways to deal - I would love to hear from you! Peace
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