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Thread: Having Weird feelings. I need help please

  1. #1

    Having Weird feelings. I need help please

    Sorry about this but something happened to me and it bothered me so much I had to seek help. And I found this forum. After a hour of mistyped 2nd passwords and internet problems and phone battery low issues, and even once popping up the administrator had closed registrations, it felt like something didn't want me to complete the registration, so I must be in the right place.

    Ok so here we go. I do believe however I do not yet know what I believe. Essentially I know enough to know that I really don't know anything, am sure of nothing, but believe in something.

    Tonight a friend had invited me over for a bonfire just to hang out and chill. After being there for a while everything seemed ok didnt feel weird feelings or anything was just a normal night.
    This is where it scared me.
    The best way to describe it is "I came to" and when I did I realized,that, I was (not verbatim) talking about how great I was and how much I had helped this person and me me me.. it was my voice and I could hear myself saying it. But that is not me I don't do that. Never have and hopefully never will again. And I remember thinking wow I really don't like me very much right now.. and i excused myself and left.

    I've been reading tarot for a little over a year. And this tarot deck was a gift! I knew instantly and I can't say its "mine" more like my best friend came back into my life again. Kind of feeling. Together we've had lots of very amazing readings. Once even did a reading the person wanted another reading, after being told don't ask the same question 2x and expect a different answer it doesn't work that way. They assured me it was a different question then shuffled and we go to it, the exact same 3 cards came up in the exact same order. I said you lied to me didnt you, you asked the same question. And of course they had. This feelings associated with this deck has always been trust, and friendship, honor, honesty , I mean never ever ever have I associated anything negative with this deck.. I won't even touch it if I'm feeling negative.. heck I am more worried about offending it than i am most humans.
    I am sitting here really going over what happened at the bonfire and like why did it feel like I was coming too. It was me saying but why did it feel like "I suddenly realized what i was saying" and my go to when I need advice has always been "my best friend" but as soon as the thought of tarot deck popped in my head a sense of fear washed over me like I was terrified.. like the kind scared like you borrowed a friend's car and had a wreck. You know you have to tell them but are scared that they be mad at you scared..
    This has me so shaken I am here at 2:45 in the morning just beside myself. I started this process at 1:15 ish. It took almost an hour to register because of just countless errors, and typing this i have had more double key presses and misspelled words that I have to delete n retype and pressing wrong keys I've had more trouble than a person should have just to get to this point.
    Thoughts? Comments? Ideas? Please! I just know this where I needed to come. I searched Google and after passing up several other forums this was the one that "felt right"
    Thank you so very much for taking your time reading this. You could have used your time for any number of things and you spent it reading this and I truly thank you!
    Thank you in advance if you reply I may not be able to Thank Everyone individually but It does mean a lot to me. Its not everyday people even take enough time to even say hi to others. Taking time to help a complete stanger is a true sign of compassion and thank you!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Eclectic Pagan

    Re: Having Weird feelings. I need help please

    Hey Friarchuck! I haven't been here long but I felt the same way. I found where I needed to be.

    I think it's super interesting that you listen to your gut as intuitively as you do. Seems like something you should flip around through here researching!

    I'm not 100% sure what the question is but there are some things that reading this made me want to point out!

    First, the thought that I don't want to lose. If this deck is your old friend and it's always felt that way, you aren't going to break anything by going to it for help. Imagine if it were a human friend. Would they be more hurt by what you're afraid to tell them, or you keeping something from them because you're embarrassed or scared? I would trust my feelings toward the deck and ask for help!

    Second, at the bonfire where there any mind altering substances involved? Note that I don't ask this in a "Well duh you were talking funny" way. Something I've noticed in the past 6 months (Most spiritually fruitful time I've experienced in my life) is that mind altering substances (Legal ones only, of course) don't necessarily dull the senses or make you miss stuff. They shift your perspective one direction or the other. It's possible that you accidentally bumped into a real paradigm shift, which is kind of cool because most people really have to work at one of those.

    Now if you can objectively observe your past and say honestly that you don't commonly talk about your successes or feel self absorbed, and you feel like there was something else speaking, you will should definitely research what it could mean. Study the feeling and really focus on it objectively.

    I'm sorry I don't have anything really helpful in this situation. If nothing else, you can definitely find any info you're looking for here, on the forum.

    Finally, I want to repeat something that I heard when I first became a pagan. To be a pagan is to know that you don't know anything, and to be a searcher anyway. Calling yourself a pagan doesn't mean that you subscribe to any given faith or claim to know what the real truth is. Being a pagan is to search for your own truth in spirituality and I think you've taken a pretty big step in that goal by coming here!

    Welcome to the forum!

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