Not so nice person

[RJ_Angelini]

An it harm none, Do what ye will. That is what most of us Pagans live by, or at least I do my best to. I'm a former U.S. Soldier and have seen my fair share of combat, so I'm pretty messed up from what I've seen and done and I suffer from PTSD along with anger outburst's. I do my best to keep myself in check and do what I can to stay calm because of that phrase. With that being said, I have a person who comes by to help with my sick wife and is supposed to be like a caregiver for her and says that she is a part of my family, but doesn't always act like it. She says that she is a Pagan as well, but knows nothing and is constantly belittling my autistic son and has put herself in charge of everyone in my household, to include myself and when I don't do the things she says to me to do then I'm the one who is being disrespectful, yet she plans on moving in when I get ready to buy my first house, which I already know that this is a bad idea. I have sat back and observed and listened to this person and have come to the conclusion that she is not the nice person she claims to be. Just today, she had threatened to smack my son in the face and take away his gaming console and pawn it, just because he said a rude comment, that didn't sit well with me. The agreement for her to come here was to help out with things that need to be done on a daily basis to help take some of the burdens off of my shoulders, but that didn't happen. I still find myself taking care of everything in my house to include this person and her kids and yet I'm the one who is to ask her to do things that needs to be taken care of or she won't do it, and when she does do a little something, then she complains that she has to do it all. I have seen her sit on her ass and play her gaming console and sending her daughter to me when she asks her mom for something to eat or drink and then sends her to her room when she doesn't want to be bothered by her. Crazy thing is, Is I have my own gaming console and I haven't played it for months because I'm too busy taking care of everything and everyone around here, and I forgot to mention that I am a disabled veteran and am in constant pain and suffer from other things, and yet I have to push it all aside to get things done. oh yeah, my wife is disabled too. Getting back to this person, she only does things if it is going to benefit her, and if it doesn't then she gets rude and down-right mean, in other words, she is a cruel person.

[callmeclemens]

First off, I appreciate you and your service. I myself am a two tour combat vet in OEF, and I can relate firsthand with the mental and physical consequences related to service. Never hesitate to reach out, I am here for you.

"Family" can sometimes hurt us in ways strangers couldn't even imagine even if in their mind it begins with the intent to do good. Its your, and your little tribes life, and if the people in it don't share values, or a shared vision at a minimum then you absolutely have no obligation to keep them around.

[Shahaku]

With the PTSD background, have you consider ketamine or ecstasy therapy? That's a fairly recent breakthrough, and both have been shown to be incredibly helpful when combined with therapy.

There's a book called The Body Keeps the Score. It's all about trauma and how it affects the brain, and what helps. It's been great in helping me understand the impact of trauma in my loved ones with PTSD. Maybe you could give it a read.

It sounds like this friend/ family member is abusing the situation. Learning some good boundary setting techniques would be helpful. I'd start with a few ground rules, and any time she breaks them she needs to leave the house.

If she's currently living with you, it would be more complicated, but I would tell her if she can't follow the new rules, you'll be giving her a 30 day notice (or whatever the state requires before kicking her out).

It's really important to set healthy boundaries for your relationships. She sounds toxic, which means you need to be firm on the boundaries you set and stick to the consequences.

[B. de Corbin]

Generally, belittling an autistic son would be a deal breaker dealt with via a kick in the pants (front or back, dealer's choice).

[Sagefire]

Find an assistant who is actually mission-ready, then remove this cancerous bitch from the spere of your reality. You and your tribe have healing to do and progress to make. The idea that this sh*t eating parasite is receiving payment to inflict herself upon your honorable household is vexing and repugnant. Help her through the door and onto the street with as hard a kick to the ass as you can possibly muster, and never speak of it again. Best of luck to you and your family.