Good evening.

I'm very new to the topic of paganism (or whatever term applies to my beliefes and experinces), yet, at the same time I feel like some aspects have been in my life since I was a little boy.

To keep it short: since I was about seven or eight years old, I've known that there are 'spirits' (for lack of a better word) in every aspect of the nature and natural forces and, of course, the elements. I remember when I was little and playing alone in the woods that I'd meditate or simply speak to some spritis whenver I could sense them and that sometimes one would play with me or even show me how to manipulate the elemts to some extent.
I had some friends whom I shared those experinces with, but I'd always had a feeling that for them it was more play-pretend than really experincing anything.

Anyway, then puberty happened and I thought I'd have to "man up" and start to live in the "real world" and call myself an atheisit and beliving in science only. To say it short: my mental health plummeted and trough the years there was always this horrible feeling of loss and emptiness where once those experinces and connections and contact with those "nature spirits" have been.

Today, by accident, I stumbled upon a video about the concepts of Shintō and, by extend, paganism and some things rang many bells in my head. That's why I'm here. I wish very deeply to re-connect with my previous experiences and find a way to be able to practice what I believe and feel.

From the little of what I've told (feel free to ask for more information) could anybody please point me in a direction/to a sub-forum/a path where I could connect with people who have similar experinces? Thank you very much!