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**Medusa** · 16 Mar 2011, 13:06

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

I felt the same way at your age. I was with a woman from 19-27. I too believed in falling for someone with certain traits and that it didn't matter if they were male or female. I found out I was just wrong. I like penis and not vajayjay. It doesn't disgust me in any way shape or form. Just doesn't turn me on. At all. Do I think it's healthy? Your attitude about your sexuality? Yes. Do I think mine is healthy about my sexuality? Yes.

**DanieMarie** · 16 Mar 2011, 14:30

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

I think everyone is different. Some people are attracted to one gender, but I think people who are bi see things more like you do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

My mom is kind of like your friend....she's super open about gay rights and stuff but weirdly she thinks bi people are confused and need to pick a side. I think it comes from her only having known gay and straight people but never any bisexuals. I just don't think she -gets- it.

**KashakuTatsu** · 16 Mar 2011, 16:14

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

The term pansexual has become popular for this sexual attitude. I share it myself, the sex of the person isn't really *who* that person is. I feel in selecting a partner, this is a healthy view: you're going more for who the person is not what s/he is. It has greater potential for lasting relationships.... which I need to follow more closely.

Something I found when asked to identify a sexuality and I use bi that people seem to go "oh so you can have one of each". Even though I'm not past having poly-relationships (I've done them in the past), if I'm with someone who wants monogamy I'll respect that. It's just annoying that people assume that off the bat. "No I'm with my gf only" doesn't seem to completely sink in.

**Roknrol** · 16 Mar 2011, 16:59

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Your friend is on crack. We are human animals, full of as much instinct as any other animals, but we also have this nice big brain to give us some perspective. That perspective is what allows us to CHOOSE to not follow our instincts. If that perspective leads us in new, different, and interesting ways - as long as it doesn't kill us - then I consider that a good thing.

Nothing has ever been invented or discovered without someone trying something new and different.

**Ophidia** · 16 Mar 2011, 19:01

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

I think that some of the dislike for bisexuality (or try-sexuality/omnisexuality/pansexuality) comes from people feeling vaguely to overtly threatened by it. If you're bi/other-sexual, you might be sexually attracted to your friend, their friends, their lovers/partners/mates, parents, pets and/or inanimate objects in their kitchen. Or you might not be attracted to them at all, which is insulting. But they don't know for sure. So if your sexuality is 'other', you might just honestly, genuinely want to be a friend... or you might be stalking them and having dirty, dirty fantasies involving them.

If you have a nice, solid label like 'straight' or 'gay', then they know where your sexuality stands and they can choose to feel threatened or flattered as the need may arise.

As I get older, the less flat-out 'bi' I've become and the more 'try' I get. I don't know if it's middle-aged desperation or that my lines of what's sexually attractive have gotten blurrier. Of course, as I get older the less trouble I have from people feeling vaguely to overtly threatened by my sexuality, and the more I get labeled as immoral, depraved and some kind of object lesson to be used on my nieces & nephews... "Don't be too open-minded or you'll end up like your Auntie Perze..."

**Ananta Androscoggin** · 17 Mar 2011, 04:16

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Originally posted by Roknrol View Post

We are human animals, full of as much instinct as any other animals, but we also have this nice big brain to give us some perspective. That perspective is what allows us to CHOOSE to not follow our instincts.

It's not just the brain size, there's also the function of Culture which tries to eliminate human instincts and pretend they don't exist. The more artificial the culture becomes, the more important that repression of instinct becomes, or it all comes tumbling down on top of its lies.

I knew a bi- person once who wore a button saying something like "I'm bi-sexual, and NONE of you are all that attractive!"

**PharaohKatt** · 17 Mar 2011, 05:21

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

What you're describing seems to gel with how I think about attraction. KashakuTatsu is right, I call it pansexual. I think if it works for you, then why not? If you really are only attracted to penis or vulva, then label yourself accordingly, but if it truly doesn't matter to you, don't let it bother you.

Originally posted by Ananta Androscoggin View Post

I knew a bi- person once who wore a button saying something like "I'm bi-sexual, and NONE of you are all that attractive!"

I saw one that said "No, I'm bisexual. you're confused.". Quite awesome.

**Storm** · 17 Mar 2011, 06:43

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Originally posted by FantasyWitch View Post

My friend thinks this is a very unhealthy attitude because you should be (in her words) for one side or the other.

Telling anyone else what they should or shouldn't be is retarded. What's healthy for you is what you feel comfortable with and what's healthy for her is what she feels comfortable with. Forcing yourself into one category or the other when it doesn't feel natural to you would be unhealthy. There are no "should bes" when it comes to sexual preference.

**Medusa** · 17 Mar 2011, 18:33

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

There's also nothing wrong with picking a side and only wanting that either. It's almost as if it's retarded or so pc to be straight.

**Gardenia** · 17 Mar 2011, 18:57

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Originally posted by FantasyWitch View Post

She doesn't believe in being bi-sexual and likes to label everything.

But bisexual is a label.

I don't get the whole pick a side thing. I'm sexually attracted to women, so I'm not straight. I'm sexually attracted to men, so I'm not a lesbian. Nothing wrong with being either of those things, but I'm not, I'm bisexual. It shouldn't be an issue. I wish people wouldn't make a fuss about others' sexualities, regardless of what they are.

**FantasyWitch** · 17 Mar 2011, 23:21

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Originally posted by Medusa View Post

There's also nothing wrong with picking a side and only wanting that either. It's almost as if it's retarded or so pc to be straight.

No no, I never meant that at all

I am certainly not in any way saying people shouldn't choose a side :P A lot of the time people do and that's cool. I' was just saying that is not how I feel and wondered whither I was weird or not in my attitude.
X

**Medusa** · 17 Mar 2011, 23:32

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

Originally posted by FantasyWitch View Post

No no, I never meant that at all

I am certainly not in any way saying people shouldn't choose a side :P A lot of the time people do and that's cool. I' was just saying that is not how I feel and wondered whither I was weird or not in my attitude.
X

Oh I know. I was just making a statement on what seems to follow a pattern nowadays of heterosexuality being some sort of binding of sexuality. Or that those people are just homophobic or uptight. I notice it more in alternative religion people. It's almost like the opposite effect of mainstream religious people.

**Tylluan Penry** · 17 Mar 2011, 23:56

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

I've only ever been hetero.... just wasn't attracted to anything/anyone else. Well, I did meet and marry Mr Penry after all, and since then I've been faithful, straight.... and probably boring in some people's eyes.

But I've also been happy, because those were the things I (and Mr P) both wanted for ourselves and for each other. We know because we discussed it at some length not only before we got married, but also throughout our marriage.

Basically it comes down to 'Know thyself', 'Be true to thyself' and 'sod what others think.'

**CorsairsHope** · 18 Mar 2011, 04:35

Re: The Issue of Sexuality.

I think that the world today has placed labels on so many things. And, I think that a lot of the gay/straight labeling system come right back around to "mainstream," aka Christian, beliefs. Christian beliefs want everyone to think that it's this or that, no room for middle ground or shades of gray. That as been burned into society and it is unfair, because as many of us, as followers of other religions, know .... there is a middle ground, there is room for differences that don't fit into the this/that, good/bad, black/white fold.

I have an ex who is a polyamorius lesbian identified bi-sexual. It's the label she created for herself. I for a very long time couldn't accept that, I really thought that she was just trying to have her cake and eat ALL of it too. That is very closed minded for a lesbian but the a become involved with a married couple. All of a sudden, my world view changed, if I continued to look down on the ex's sexual identy, then I would be a hypocrit! I didn't want to be te person. So in a recent convo with her, when she tried to tell me that I was bi-sexual, after being involved with one man, I reminded her that, she can't label me bi any more than I could label her straight.

So, over time I've come to accept each individals. To label or not to label, that is the question and when it comes right down to each individual can only answer it for themself.

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The Issue of Sexuality.

The Issue of Sexuality.

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