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  • The Fear of Death

    Why do we, as a society, fear death?

    Is it because it's a step into the unknown? Is it the possible "final" nature of it? Even though it is something that each and every one of us will experience, first with friends and loved ones, but ultimately with our self, it is often treated as unnatural or strange.

    Is it because, compared to most of our modern "uncomfortable" experiences, we are unable to fully sanitize it? Even the death of animals is different then it was 100 years ago...just look at any grocery isle lined with little styrofoam trays covered in plastic wrap. Anything readily identifiable is often kept together in a small corner of the case, and treated with disgust by most shoppers. What do you think about needing to handle something identifiable, like heart, liver, or tongue, to cook it or have it on your plate? What do you think about the idea of needing to dispatch your own food?

    Even professions dealing with death are often treated with a certain amount of fear, distrust, and disdain: Coroners, Embalmers, Morticians...what has been your reaction dealing with someone who's profession is closely tied to death?

    What are your personal feelings about death? What about other factors, such as illness, accidents, disease, etc? Do you feel differently about the death of a loved one then you do about your own? When you seriously confront the idea of dying, what are your honest gut emotions?
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  • #2
    Re: The Fear of Death

    What are your personal feelings about death?
    I don't know about anyone else but I have never felt any fear of death. Actually it sounds more of a relief to me because life is very hard. In a way I like the Buddhist concept of death once you have reached enlightenment: we are blown out like a candle. The idea of NOT dying frightens me more than the idea of dying.

    What about other factors, such as illness, accidents, disease, etc?
    Depending on what state I am in I may well welcome death. IF for example I was told I had MS I would welcome death, having seen people who have had to live through their bodies dying under them I think I would want out as fast as possible rather than be put through that or have everyone try and keep me alive against my wishes. Being paralyzed is another thing I would rather die than be put through.
    HOWEVER I would never want to welcome death if I could fight the injury/illness that was causing me to head that way. I want to get as much out of life while I have it, not because death scares me, but because life is precious and should be used as much as possible and not squandered.

    Do you feel differently about the death of a loved one then you do about your own?
    I think everyone does. Death is painful when you are the one grieving, that of course makes it different. When I think of dying it does nothing really but when I think of losing others it is bloody agonizing. If death is what I hope it is then when I die I will not know anyone is absent because there will be no me to speak of. When you are the one left behind you feel the absence so it hurts. That is all really.

    When you seriously confront the idea of dying, what are your honest gut emotions?
    Relief and curiosity.
    "You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me"- CS Lewis


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    • #3
      Re: The Fear of Death

      As cliche as this may sound, I feel that death is not an end but rather a new beginning. I also feel that without death there is no such thing as life. There can't be a cycle if we are all frozen in time and will never die. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. (I think that is a quote from Troy). In the medical field we often see death as a failure, I disagree. I think it is a person's final journey into something precious and sacred.
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      • #4
        Re: The Fear of Death

        Sometimes I personally think society does fear death.

        I understand not knowing how the process goes is a bit scary. However, the way American society seems to really shy away from it and shelter children from it (I mean, come on, in DBZ they kept referring to it as "sending them to another dimension") is baffling to me.

        I am thankful that despite the way my family is they didn't shy away from teaching about death at a young age. While I got a more "watered down" version (my mom learned from my grandmother and the morticians that let a kid sit in there while my grandmother styled her clients one last time) I still understood both the physical and spiritual happenings of death. I understood when something was dead it wasn't coming back and would rot and become worm food. I can't think of a time I didn't know about death since I was taught so young, come to think of it.

        While I still feel sadness and go through the coping stages like anyone else, I also understand this is just the way things are. While I won't have the relatives photographing the departed in the casket (anymore...since the ones who did that were dead by the end of the '70s...) I also know there are ways to cope. In the unlikely even I have children I will probably teach them about death at a young age too.
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        • #5
          Re: The Fear of Death

          Wow - them's a lot of heavy duty questions.... I can't answer them all, but here's what I think -

          We fear death because our bodies don't want to die. "Fear" is the language our body uses to tell us to avoid certain things that might lead to death.

          We avoid death when we can because we associate the death of other things with our own death, as if death were catchy. More exposure to death (like a farmer who engages in butchering animals) allows one to become used to the death of others and separate them from one's own self. It's kind of like fear of contamination - there is a gut level avoidance of certain things which we "feel" (gut level response) will, in some way contaminate us, like maggots in a garbage can.

          I don't kill animals because I don't have to do it, and I have the luxury of being able to avoid certain things which I don't want to do. If I didn't have that luxury, I'd have to do it, and I'd get used to it.

          Assuming that I have the presence of mind, I'll probably fight to stay alive - in most cases, unless there has been a long and or painful illness - just because (no real intellectual reason... my body would drive me to do it), but I'm not sure that's the same as fearing death. Life has been hard, and I have no regrets. I've tried everything I've wanted to try... My life has been well used.

          I'd rather not die just now though.

          I doubt very much if there is anything after life. Without a body, I don't think there is mind. I can't think of anything I can think about, feel, or imagine which does not come first through my bodily sensations. I can imagine some abstract form of energy that survives the body, but since (without a body) it wouldn't be me, as far as I'm concerned, when my body dies, I die.

          My gut emotional feeling when I face the death of someone or something close to me is one of loss. I'll miss that person or thing, but I don't really ever spend any time thinking about an afterlife.

          P.S. I like tongue and heart (but not liver) - they're the best cut of the cow...
          Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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          • #6
            Re: The Fear of Death

            Personally I can't imagine anything worse than having to go on living the same life forever and ever. I have known very elderly people who feel they have outlived their time, there is nobody to talk to who remembers the things they do....

            There are worse things than dying, and sometimes living is one of them.

            That said, I really love life. Every morning I wake up and think 'Oh great! Another day!'
            I think the think that bothers me most about dying is leaving behind those I love - or being one of those left behind. But I believe in reincarnation, so I trust that we will probably find each other again some day.
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            • #7
              Re: The Fear of Death

              Contrairy to most of the people, I DO NOT FEAR DEATH!
              I've been there and done that and came back.

              It gave me insight of what life is really for. I enjoy life as I wish to now, and learn what's need to be learn for my sake in life and what lies beyond permanent death.

              When death comes, I'll be screaming not of fear, or miss achievement of my life.

              (pro westler voice, Hulk Hogan type from here on)
              I'll be screaming my war cry as I head to the eternal spiritual struggle that lies beyond, gladly and happily!

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              • #8
                Re: The Fear of Death

                Oh my, a complicated topic. Hm. Well, I'm not afraid of death and I think my religious beliefs help bring me some comfort on the topic. I do have fears about the dying process though- I'm afraid of pain, wasting away from illness, and losing my dignity at the end. My grandfather died this past fall and while I did my share of crying (the soldiers playing taps at the funeral just about did me in), I was also happy and relieved that he had lived to be almost 93 and went very quickly. My dad watched him pass and said it was very peaceful and that was comforting to everyone.

                I think society is very removed from the death, which makes many of us fearful. I'll readily admit that dead things make me squeamish and for that reason I like my meat packaged in plastic, but I also know that this isn't necessarily healthy. I'm a product of the society I was raised in. Maybe this is why zombies freak me out so much?
                "Gardens are not made by singing "Oh, how beautiful," and sitting in the shade." - Rudyard Kipling

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                • #9
                  Re: The Fear of Death

                  I keep trying to reply to this thread, but every time I try, it sounds like I'm selling suicide. I have the unique perspective of having died before, so the eventual return trip inspires no trepidation in me. I don't like the idea of a physically painful death, and I also don't want to lose my faculties and go into the Great Darkness unaware. I've also got the unique perspective of someone with chronic depression. To coin an old Goth (not Goth as in Goth/Visigoth, but 80's Goth) phrase, death is easy. I'm a reincarnationist, but even if we don't come back for another turn around the wheel, that's perfectly fine with me.

                  We're 'mortal', which means 'destined to die'. Death is an eventuality. There's no way to transcend the death of the body. We all die, sooner or later. Why worry about it? You know it's gonna happen - might as well not concern yourself with it & just go on living til it happens.
                  The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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                  • #10
                    Re: The Fear of Death

                    It is very natural for us to fear death, nothing wrong with that. I think it only becomes a problem when it gets extreme. On one hand people get too extreme and forget about death. They live as if they will never die. And on the other hand, you can't let the fear consume you and make you live as if you're gonna die this very moment, which leads to neglect of this life.

                    I believe it is very healthy to remind ourselves of death now and then, so we know where we are all headed in the end. Perhaps it will make us be prepared for it when it comes.
                    Do they not, then, ponder about the Qur‘an? Had it been from someone other than Allah, they would have found in it much discrepancy. [4:82]

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                    • #11
                      Re: The Fear of Death

                      As a society, I think the fear of death is an extension of the fear of growing older. This society seems obsessed with youth and virtually oblivious to anyone not healthy, not young, not alive. With very few exceptions. Why? Growing older and dying means an end to the good life, the good old days, the beautiful summer picnic that convenience and luxury tries to impress upon us. It somehow represents no more tomorrows, filled with the joys and grandeur that today possesses. Like life is based on how much fun and happiness one can create, rather than following the cycle of birth, growth and death.

                      We seem to have tried to detach from the cycle and put ourselves above it, become immortal somehow.

                      It's all nonsense, of course. The human animal just has this disorder, this constant desire for the impossible, and though many try to pretend we don't have it, there's still the obsession with staying young, as long as possible, that permeates every possible media outlet. Everywhere we turn, we're being bombarded with how we're supposed to fix balding, graying, wrinkling, signs of aging. FIX it. Like it's broken... like WE'RE broken. We are so busted up, so destroyed, by growing older that the end result is total annihilation: the ultimate pain and loss.

                      "Fear it!" Is the slogan. "F*** off!" Is my reply. It's not death that I fear. It's the pain that my death will cause to friends and family that I wish I could avoid.




                      "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

                      "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

                      "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

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                      • #12
                        Re: The Fear of Death

                        I think that the fear of death is a direct response to the evolutionary trait that allows us to think outside of our immediate experience(s). We can think about the distant future (and frequently do so), and with that ability and our intelligence, it's logical that it would occur to us that someday we won't be here.

                        From that point forward it's our intellect (telling us we're going to die someday) fighting with our instinct for survival...since we can't solve the former, the latter kicks in even though we're not in immediate danger.
                        Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's Relativity.
                        - Albert Einstein

                        “It is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it.” - Hunter S. Thompson

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                        • #13
                          Re: The Fear of Death

                          Thanatophobia or the fear of death from the greek personification of death the god Thantos. It is an evolutionary instinct obviously we fear death because it is bad for us, an organism can't reproduce and continue the species if it is dead.

                          Death has fascinated humans for millennia, it is a mystery. It happens without fail and unstoppable. It is human curiosity(and foolishness) which cases our fascination with death. What is this thing that can't be seen or touched? That even kings bow before? Why does it happen? What happens? That is probably why humans fear death the what happens part. Regardless deal with it it'll happen no matter what.

                          I personally don't get it, death shouldn't be feared. Then again my veiws are quite skewed considering I am a necromancer. It dosent matter to me if reincarnation is real or not, death is death. Atropus who is the cutter of the thread of life, her name means the unturning, like death unavoidable. Do not fear death embrace it be that through life or pure understanding of it.
                          Last edited by Corvus; 07 Apr 2011, 17:58.
                          “They moaned and squealed, and pressed their snouts to the earth. We are sorry, we are sorry.
                          Sorry you were caught, I said. Sorry that you thought I was weak, but you were wrong.”
                          -Madeline Miller, Circe

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                          • #14
                            Re: The Fear of Death

                            We fear death because we know it may be the end. I expect that I will go to the next world when I die, either the underworld or the golden kingdom atop the glass mountain. However, I may just find oblivion, and I know this. It is much easier to accept this as a possibility than to try and convince myself that there is no chance of it whatsoever. It is better this way, because my religion is distanced from the motivation of fear.
                            Last edited by Yazichestvo; 09 Apr 2011, 19:16.
                            If you want to be thought intelligent, just agree with everyone.

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                            • #15
                              Re: The Fear of Death

                              Unlike everyone else it's seems, I admit I do fear death. I quite simply don't want to die, and I don't want the people I love to die either. I am only 28, I have so much left I want to do and the idea that all that could be taken away from me in a split second scares me. The idea that I might wake up tomorrow and not be able to call my parents, or laugh with one of my friends, because they are no longer here scares me.

                              I wonder how relative it is to our experience with death. I lost 2 grandparents when I was really too young to understand and one when I was 18, other than that I have been very lucky in that I have had no experience with losing the people I care about. Whilst I understand that death comes to us all I haven't yet had much 'opportunity', for want of a better word, to establish effective coping mechanisms for dealing with it and so it scares the socks off me.

                              Having said that, it isn't something that I tend to think about much so it is not a fear that has any effect on how I live my life.
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