Hurtful comments

[DanieMarie]

So I was walking to the market yesterday, and some guy looked me up and down and made a "yuck" sound.

Why do some people think it's acceptable to act like a total pig and be SO RUDE? Who is this guys mother and how did she manage to raise a son with such poor manners?

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Hurtful comments

I get the same thing from women, sometimes. It's not exactly kept secret that I don't shave my legs, and I DO wear shorts and skirts in the summertime - but if I go to the beach with my legs showing, there's always a few people who give me disgusted looks, like I'm not even human.

What ever happened to tolerance, people?

That man, Danie, is just downright rude. I'd have kicked him in the junk.

[Ophidia]

Re: Hurtful comments

I would have asked him personally.

From my own experience, people who make unkind remarks out loud are seeking attention in some way, and making someone else feel bad somehow validates their own ego. When confronted, they usually end up apologizing. I don't know if I've encouraged anyone to change their behavior, but I've publicly embarrassed the living Hell out of a number of folks. I don't know how to use an 'inside voice', hah!

[Leah]

Re: Hurtful comments

WOW, that is terrible! What is wrong with people?! That is completely unacceptable.

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

[Bjorn]

Re: Hurtful comments

I suppose my skin has gotten thicker over the years, but when you grow up a fat, loudmouthed band geek then you're bound to be the butt of many a joke. I also have a man's name, so I was called "Mike the dyke" for a long time as well. Of course, the comments hurt, but I am pretty sure they only made me stronger and gave me an early lesson that the world is a cruel place and that you can soldier through anything so long as you never let them see you sweat.

For me there is no other explanation than to suggest that people as a whole suck. And one person's negative opinion means nothing in the scheme of things.

[thalassa]

Re: Hurtful comments

From my own experience, people who make unkind remarks out loud are seeking attention in some way, and making someone else feel bad somehow validates their own ego. When confronted, they usually end up apologizing. I don't know if I've encouraged anyone to change their behavior, but I've publicly embarrassed the living Hell out of a number of folks.!

this...and they do it because no one *does* challenge them, and they get away with it.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hurtful comments

Yeah I wish I said something.

[thalassa]

Re: Hurtful comments

Yeah I wish I said something.

Think of this as an opportunity to think of something (and practice ego withering delivery) so that if something like it happens again, you can give the person a good set down that they will not forget, and will think about for the next person that comes around. It will make you feel better about the situation, and it will be helping humanity. As much as there is some sort of ideological highroad people like to take validate that they are "better" than the other guy, in the long run, some people only understand their own language of obnoxiousness.

[OpenHands]

Re: Hurtful comments

So I was walking to the market yesterday, and some guy looked me up and down and made a "yuck" sound.

Why do some people think it's acceptable to act like a total pig and be SO RUDE? Who is this guys mother and how did she manage to raise a son with such poor manners?

Wow, that's terrible. >: ( I would have been speechless too. Random stuff like that just makes my brain lock up and I usually think of a good response hours later when I'm not so flustered. Gah, maybe the next person that guy is rude to will make him embarrassed for acting like such a lout.

[Celest]

Re: Hurtful comments

So I was walking to the market yesterday, and some guy looked me up and down and made a "yuck" sound.

well he obviously needs glasses...you are adorable!

Why do some people think it's acceptable to act like a total pig and be SO RUDE? Who is this guys mother and how did she manage to raise a son with such poor manners?

no clue! that is just rude!

[FantasyWitch]

Re: Hurtful comments

Next time deck the prat X

[Juniper]

Re: Hurtful comments

Why do some people think it's acceptable to act like a total pig and be SO RUDE? Who is this guys mother and how did she manage to raise a son with such poor manners?

Maybe it wasn't his mother that raised him and if she did, does it really matter? He's allowed to express his opinion. While I agree that he could have just kept it to himself or done it with more class, doesn't take away his right to do it.

Maybe he was looking at something near you. Here's an example of something that happened to me very recently. Some guy - that was selling a magazine or news paper on a corner in front of a coffee shop I came out of - took offense at something I said. It wasn't directed it at him. I didn't even notice him with the exception that he was there. But apparently he thought whatever I said (I don't even remember what it was) was directed at him. "Oh, I'm so hurt," is what I heard him say as I was walking away with my friend, interrupting our conversation. I was confused. She was confused and he was being butthurt about something that wasn't even his business. He continued to mumble something as we were walking away. Did I care? Not really. Thick skin. Some people are idiots and there's nothing you can do to change that.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hurtful comments

I guess I'm just used to blaming the mother because a lot of guys here have very poor manners, and it's not just a cultural thing because my German girl friends are ALWAYS complaining about how German guys aren't very courteous. One (German) friend described them as "macho but not manly." It's not everyone, and it's not even in a very obvious way, but you do get very bad attitudes, snide comments and stuff like that. Like, once a guy opened a door for me (RARE here in itself) and some guy darted in front of me and walked through it, and also cut me off doing it. My German girl friends blame the moms...apparently it was a parenting trend in the 80s and early 90s that was some sort of misguided feminism thing, but just ended up somehow with a bunch of guys who didn't treat anyone (not just women) with a lot of courtesy.
I know that everyone has a -right- to say what they want and I'm not saying they don't. It was just hurtful and though I don't know the guy, I'm very sensitive to stuff like that. I have VERY low self esteem (I'm going to try to work on this in therapy, because I've just struggled very hard on my own and gotten nowhere). I think while people have the right to do it, it doesn't mean it should be socially acceptable. I have the right to scream racial slurs in the streets (not that I would) but it's not socially acceptable.

[Caelia]

Re: Hurtful comments

DanieMarie, I understand how you feel. I get lots of rude comments since I'm not attractive, and when I was considered "attractive" I still got hurtful, rude comments. I've learned how just look at them in a way that makes them feel bad for doing such things.

However, my view of Germans is a negative one since my dad works for "German Company X". My dad had everything from coworkers (both men and women) making rude comments, explaining how they were just more efficient with Jews during the Holocaust (yes, one coworker actually said people were resentful because the Germans were more efficient about killing the Jews), to a coworker whom he adored (though we found very creepy) to turn out to be an international serial killer. When my brother got a job for the same company they ridiculed him for not "looking German" enough even though he dressed appropriately. So for me it's not about the German men but my experience with the Germans as a whole.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hurtful comments

Wow what a negative experience! It's not really like that in Berlin....saying something like that would be soooo unacceptable here. And though I still think there's discrimination in the work place against non-Germans (and studies back this up), it's getting better.
As far as rudeness though, Berlin is probably the worst place in the country. It's actually known nationally for its rude citizens. I don't like it at all...I think everyone would just be happier and you wouldn't see so many people with scowls plastered on their faces if everyone just -tried- to be a little bit nicer to each other.