Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Online Dating?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
    #1

    Online Dating?

    Having had this debate with several people I would like to debate whither you guys approve/don't care/dislike online dating.

    I'm just going to throw some pro's and con's out there for you guys to start with then we will discuss because I get very passionate about this issue.

    Pro's
    1. It's a good way for shy people to meet a partner, because it takes the pressure off for a little while.
    2. It gives you a good starting point as to what your potential partner and you have in common.
    3. You can ignore the munters :P

    Con's
    1. You can be taken/get involved with someone who is only after sex
    2. You are (in general) meeting people who don't have the social ability/time to date, so try it online because it is "easier".
    3. Meeting people in reality has worked for every generation previous to ours, what the frank was wrong with the traditional way?

    I don't really like online dating, but I am open to opinions! So whatcha think?

    X
    "You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me"- CS Lewis


    https://www.facebook.com/KimberlyHagenART
    Tags: None
    #2
    Re: Online Dating?

    I'm for it, but I'm a bit biased

    That said, I think online dating is no different than dating in real life. I've dated guys I met "the old fashioned way" and got the same results that I did online. Both groups had at least one guy who just wanted sex. Also, anyone can tell you that when not broke as you-know-what I'm pretty darn social. Meeting people and making friends is not a challenge for me. I think the only difference was, as compared to online dating, the dirty old men were more forthright in their intentions in real life.

    The only difference I would really say is you need to exercise double the caution with online dating. It's a lot harder to get an impression of someone through text than it is by reading body language and whatnot. While there are ways to circumvent that, such as nonverbal communication and programs like skype, you need to be aware that not everyone is as they seem on the internet.
    my etsy store
    My blog


    "...leave me curled up in my ball,
    surrounded by plush, downy things,
    ill prepared, but willing,
    to descend."

    Comment

      #3
      Re: Online Dating?

      There are a few situations that might be considered "on-line dating" ...

      1. Two people meet online but never see each other in the real world ... This may/not include being BFF, meet at certain times and places on the net or even go as far as cyber sex (where is the joy in that ?) ... This might go on for years ...

      2. Two people meet and do see each other in real life ...

      Online could be considered a lazy way to have a church social, but I see it as getting people together from a better cross section of the world ...

      One drawback (a big one) is that online gives a person too much of an ability to tailor the first impression people get of them ... You can type anything and post any kind of pic you want ...

      Advice ... Always carry "something" on a first encounter with a net buddy ... Mace or pepper spray is a minimum ... Knives and guns should not be excluded ... Public places are good ... An outdoor cafe, library, something like that where the general publics attention can be gotten in case help is needed ...
      Last edited by magusphredde; 20 Apr 2011, 09:33.
      I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them ... John Bernard Books


      Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official; "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

      The Chief nodded in agreement.

      The official continued; "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

      The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

      Then the chief leaned back and smiled; "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
      ​



      Comment

        #4
        Re: Online Dating?

        All the pros you listed are the same pros you get from finding a date by joining a club or taking up a new activity. I haven't given online dating a try, but I don't see what's wrong with just going out and meeting people. Those chance encounters and reunions are wonderful ways to meet a potential partner. No one is too shy to meet people in a shared group activity sort of club atmosphere such as a knitting club or swing dancing. Try rock climbing or mountain biking or volunteering at your local greenhouse or take a cooking class or go to your local Irish pub and just talk to someone. Eventually you'll find someone fascinating, particularly when you get more into the activity and stop just searching for potential mates. Or just be open when you meet new people or see someone you haven't seen in years (I lucked out about a month ago meeting a friend of a friend at a bar who I'd not seen in 4 years - turned out after 4 years, we had so much more in common than we did in high school. [happy squeal]).

        Comment

          #5
          Re: Online Dating?

          People can do what they want, but online dating is definitely not for me. I also dislike long distance relationships, or anything that takes more time/effort/stress than I'm willing to give it.

          But that's just me!


          Mostly art.

          Comment

            #6
            Re: Online Dating?

            I don't think people can date online.

            I used to try the online thing, but it was just a virtual bar where anyone would hit on you/message you/wink at you in an attempt to cast a wide net and get responses. I stopped, because it's mostly people who troll for sex that can fit into their schedules, and I'm a firm believer in that real relationships don't start in the bedroom - the end up there. There is also too much of a stigma for me. It is very easy to come across one way online and be another in real life. I don't care if you've spoken on the phone, skyped, and all of that, it just doesn't have the same feel to it. Then again, I'm a tactile person. I need some touch, I need to be able to actually feel the chemistry between myself and another person, which the internet does not provide an outlet for.

            I also don't think you can really "meet" people online either. Sure, you can really get to know people if there are two very focused and committed individuals, but if you've never met, then you're not a couple. Period.
            No one tells the wind which way to blow.

            Comment

              #7
              Re: Online Dating?

              I can see the appeal. I tried it and what attracted me to it was that I work and study at home, so I am pretty isolated and I'm also really busy with that stuff, so most of my social time, I spend with people I already know, almost all of whom are in couples and don't know any other single people (I have like, 4 or 5 single friends). I don't really have money or time to pick up new hobbies. I take French right now (made friends in the class, but no relationship potential) and I might finally do kickboxing this summer after talking about it for years. I also have a lot of very girly interests. I've tried expanding onto other things, but it's just hard. Lastly, I live in Berlin and boys here are VERY reserved. A normal guy would rarely ask you out in a book shop or in line to get coffee. I've been asked out on the street a couple of times and they were TOTAL weirdos. Also Berlin can be never-never land and it's full of people who just don't want to grow up. Of course that's not everyone but it's hard to sift out the peter pans....they always seem normal...at least at first. However, I've never had very good success with online dating:
              -It's very flattering, but when I did it I got several messages a day. It was exhausting. Most were just a generic "hi how are you?" type thing and it's really hard to differentiate between 10-30 of those. Once I accidently forgot to log off at night and woke up to 200 messages, all more or less the same. I tried two sites and the first I was on I averaged 30-40 messages a day, and the other was slightly more manageable, like 10-20. But that's still a lot. I don't really know what to say, and reading that much German makes me sleepy! Tip dudes, if the girl says English is her first language, don't write 'ne instead of 'eine' and stuff like that and fill your messages with that. It's as hard for me as it is for you if I started writing lyk dis yo.
              -I got at least one message every day asking to see my boobs. I know it's ignorable, but it's seriously kind of discouraging. And what are they thinking? There are enough free boobs on the internet!
              -I have a lot of trouble being interested in a guy I've never met. I don't even fantasize about celebrities. I've only really fell for someone over correspondence once, and he was someone I'd met in person a few times before that started.
              -There were a lot of guys, most of the ones that contacted me really, who didn't seem to be looking for what I want. I want a relationship. they just wanted sex but didn't want to go through the effort of picking up girls in bars.

              I prefer to stay offline now. If I decide to start dating again, I'll start going to more networking events and concerts and stuff that interests me and just try to keep more open body language. But I'm not really concerned with dating at the moment. I'm really busy and also I'm in love with someone and I'm not really ready to let go of that just yet.

              Comment

                #8
                Re: Online Dating?

                I have friends that use it, and they seem to go on lots of dates.
                I only know one couple that met online, dated then married. They think it is great; they were both to busy to look for someone the regular ways and they felt they were too old for the bar scene.

                I hope I never have to use it, but would, maybe, if I became single....(omg, I haven't been on a date in over 20 years...yikes! )
                What you see depends on what you are looking for.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Re: Online Dating?

                  I use online dating but only really communicate with people who are close enough for me to actually meet up with. For me it is no different than meeting someone in a club, coffee house. book store etc, except I get to exchange a few intro emails before I meet them for a drink. I am not interested in having a relationship with someone that is long-distance and purely an online thing, I need to be able to meet up with them eventually (sooner rather than later) in order to see if there is any chemistry.

                  I have worked for the same company for 10 years and don't really have the time, or the spare money, to join clubs etc so other than in bars/clubs it is difficult to meet people. I have also dated people I have met in these places so, for me at least, online dating sites are just another option for meeting new people. I am also really picky about who I respond to, 'hi how are you' emails frustrate me and get ignored. I will only respond to emails where the person has clearly read my profile and, from reading their profile, I think we may have some things in common.
                  http://thefeministpagan.blogspot.co.uk/

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Re: Online Dating?

                    I met Dumuzi on a Marilyn Manson forum. We have been together 5 years now. Just waiting for him to get a job so he can ship me on over and I can be an official mail order bride!
                    Satan is my spirit animal

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Re: Online Dating?

                      Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                      I met Dumuzi on a Marilyn Manson forum. We have been together 5 years now. Just waiting for him to get a job so he can ship me on over and I can be an official mail order bride!
                      That is just full of awesome!
                      What you see depends on what you are looking for.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Re: Online Dating?

                        Well, while I've never used the 'traditional' online dating sites, but I did meet my fiance online. We celebrated nine years just yesterday, actually... so, yeah, I obviously don't have problems with meeting people online.

                        I agree with your pros, as for the cons, I totally disagree with number 1 - there are a ton of people offline who are only interested in a quick hook up, it's not just an online issue. As for 2... eh, yeah, that might be a problem in some cases. 3? Well, hell, there are a lot of traditional things that we don't limit ourselves to any more. There's nothing inherently wrong with the more traditional methods, they obviously work. However, online dating works for a lot of people as well... so, what's the issue? You use the method that works for you/ the method that you like. Why worry about how someone else is meeting their dates?

                        The biggest thing I heard was something like 'you met him on the internet? he could have been an axe murderer!' Uh, sure, and so could... anyone. It's true sometimes you can avoid the creepers by reading their body language (but, sometimes you can see signs online too), but some creepy people are surprisingly good at hiding it. Maybe I'm about to sound a bit paranoid (I admit, I am ), but I think it's important to practice safety with any new person.

                        Originally posted by ThatKrazy View Post
                        No one is too shy to meet people in a shared group activity sort of club atmosphere such as a knitting club or swing dancing.
                        No one? Really? Yeah... I think I know quite a few very shy people who might disagree. Alright, so it may not be impossible... but why should they suffer through something they find uncomfortable, not fun, or whatever else when they could use a method they find less stressful and more enjoyable?
                        Hearth and Hedge

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Re: Online Dating?

                          Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                          I met Dumuzi on a Marilyn Manson forum. We have been together 5 years now. Just waiting for him to get a job so he can ship me on over and I can be an official mail order bride!

                          A lot of people I know who met someone online did so through a shared interest, and not a dating site!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Re: Online Dating?

                            If I were single, I'd give it a try.

                            I don't know where else I'd meet people - the pool here at work is too small (everybody is either way young, or already married), Places where people traditionally go to meet others don't appeal to me (Bars? I haven't been in a bar in 10 years...), and, in my isolated area, any activity realated to interests might turn up... one (if that) candidate.

                            Also, I'm one of those very shy people that Gardenia mentioned. Breaking the ice and keeping a conversation going with somebody I've just met face to face is very, very difficult for me. It's far easier to get past that on line.

                            I can't see why it would be any trickier finding somebody nice on line than it is meeting somebody face to face...

                            My daughter met her husband on line - not through a dating service, but through chatting with mutual friends. It's working out fine for them.
                            Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Re: Online Dating?

                              Originally posted by Gardenia View Post
                              No one? Really? Yeah... I think I know quite a few very shy people who might disagree. Alright, so it may not be impossible... but why should they suffer through something they find uncomfortable, not fun, or whatever else when they could use a method they find less stressful and more enjoyable?
                              Last I checked, humans were social creatures not incapable of getting along. The bar scene or hard party scene is a bit much for some people. Meeting people through a shared activity takes the social pressure off as you're there for the activity instead of strictly to socialize. For reference, I have social anxiety that has caused me a lot of suffering over the years. If a person is too shy to get out there, full stop, then there are bigger issues to work out than just finding a date. Online dating would be just as stressful in that case because it, too, demands that you eventually interact with another person.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X