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Thread: Reintroducing Clive

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Clive's Avatar
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    Reintroducing Clive

    Yup, I'm still around and I trust that you all are well. As some of you no doubt noticed I sort of vanished for a while there. As I recall, the last news I had was that I finally found a job (which I still have). For starters, the job is at a convenience store called People's News, which is basically a newsstand that sells cigarettes, lottery tickets, and is also a bill-paying service. The job is simple enough and I like the people I work with, not to mention that it's a hell of a lot better than working in a restaurant.

    That said, dealing with the general public is very stressful, what with the great deal of ignorant, mean, and downright stupid people I have to wait on everyday. Hence the reason I disappeared off the radar for so long - it was such a drastic change in my life that I needed plenty of alone time in order to preserve my very sanity.

    Work issues aside, my problems with anxiety have been increasing as of late. I knew there was a serious problem when my worst fear came to life - I had a panic attack at work while dealing with a customer. Thankfully said customer was an old lady who has a crush on me, and my supervisor also deals with anxiety, so it wasn't a big deal. However, it is becoming a very annoying and distressing issue in my life which has further made me reluctant to interact with others when I don't have to.

    Most disturbingly, this has seeped into my spiritual life as well. Very rarely do I pray or meditate or hold rituals anymore. It's not out of laziness, but rather a feeling of foreboding. See, one of the sources of my anxiety is a fear of things that are greater than I am and that I cannot control, as well as a strange phobia of my own body and how fragile and prone to injury and disease it is (or could be). To connect with gods and to explore my own inner and outer selves is actually becoming a very terrifying prospect for me. As of yet, I'm not sure what to do about this, but I've started by once again praying daily and inspecting my very lonely and ignored ritual tools.

    Now, all that said, I realize this all sounds very much like a rant, but it truly is not. I have no desire to rant or get angry about any of these things. They are what they are and I'm dealing with them. I am merely discussing and sharing.

    So, for some positive things. Mental issues aside, I am actually very happy with things right now. I feel that in every other way I've grown as a person, insofar as being able to turn lemons into lemonade, so to speak, and focusing on the positive things around me while changing or dealing with the negative.

    In other news, I am in a new romantic relationship. I had been friends with this individual for about four years and in recent months something felt different between us. The rest is history and we're very happy together.

    That is all for now. It's good to be back and to see so many familiar faces/names.
    Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
    -Erik Erikson

  2. #2
    Silver Member Tylluan Penry's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Lovely to see you back Clive. Hope you manage to get these panic attacks under control, and congratulations on your romantic relationship!
    www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


    Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

  3. #3
    Sr. Member Amber's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Welcome back Clive!!!

  4. #4
    Supporter shadow1982's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Welcome back

  5. #5
    sea witch thalassa's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    welcome back! it is good to see you around here again. I'm sorry that you have been dealing with so much, but glad that you've returned.
    “You have never answered but you did not need to. If I stand at the ocean I can hear you with your thousand voices. Sometimes you shout, hilarious laughter that taunts all questions. Other nights you are silent as death, a mirror in which the stars show themselves. Then I think you want to tell me something, but you never do. Of course I know I have written letters to no-one. But what if I find a trident tomorrow?" ~~Letters to Poseidon, Cees Nooteboom

    “We still carry this primal relationship to the Earth within our consciousness, even if we have long forgotten it. It is a primal recognition of the wonder, beauty, and divine nature of the Earth. It is a felt reverence for all that exists. Once we bring this foundational quality into our consciousness, we will be able to respond to our present man-made crisis from a place of balance, in which our actions will be grounded in an attitude of respect for all of life. This is the nature of real sustainability.”
    ~~Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

    "We are the offspring of history, and must establish our own paths in this most diverse and interesting of conceivable universes--one indifferent to our suffering, and therefore offering us maximal freedom to thrive, or to fail, in our own chosen way."
    ~~Stephen Jay Gould, Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of History

    "Humans are not rational creatures. Now, logic and rationality are very helpful tools, but there’s also a place for embracing our subjectivity and thinking symbolically. Sometimes what our so-called higher thinking can’t or won’t see, our older, more primitive intuition will." John Beckett

    Pagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible

  6. #6
    Bronze Member Clive's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Thanks, folks!
    Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
    -Erik Erikson

  7. #7
    Supporter kijani's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Welcome back, Clive! Good to see you again!
    It's a really, really cool thing, to be able to show people that you can be yourself, and you should be proud of yourself, and you should own who you are and what you're about, and never make apologies for it.
    -Adam Lambert


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  8. #8
    Fundamentalist Dumuzi's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Welcome back, mate!
    Do they not, then, ponder about the Qur‘an? Had it been from someone other than Allah, they would have found in it much discrepancy. [4:82]

  9. #9
    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Hi & welcome back!

    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

  10. #10
    Copper Member Monk's Avatar
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    Re: Reintroducing Clive

    Welcome back!
    Gargoyles watch over me...I can hear them snicker in the dark.


    Pull the operating handle (which protrudes from the right side of the receiver) smartly to the rear and release it.

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