Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

[thalassa]

So...on another forum, the topic came up of what is offensive about the Gospel and how people can be less obnoxious in delivering it (I'm paraphrasing)...and of course, the discussion came to the idea that the Gospel is not offensive, PEOPLE of offensive in how they choose to wield it...to which I developed a little list that I think could be expanded or revised somewhat:

Thalassa's List of Interfaith Discussion Etiquette, or How and When to Share Your Religious Beliefs with Others:

1) If someone asks about your beliefs, share. If they don't ask, don't share.
2) If you feel compelled to ask someone else as a way to spark a discussion, back off if they aren't interested.
3) If you are in a mutual discussion of beliefs, don't tell people they are wrong and don't tell them they are going to hell.
4) Don't act like your truth is everyone's truth--we already know that you think it is, and we disagree.
5) Realize that the people that vocally use their religion as an excuse to be a jerk are louder than those that don't, if you want to be a good ambassador for your faith, act your ideals, don't preach them.

What suggestions would you make?

[Dez]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

Good idea! I'm going to add to this once I've cooled down a bit, hun...my head is still exploding from dealing with someone using their faith's thought-stopping catch phrases to argue against gay marriage on Facebook.

[B. de Corbin]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

How's this?

6. If things start going badly, it's time for someone to be the adult and back off. When this happens, don't wait for the other person - do it first. If this doesn't work, walk away, and don't look back.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

7. If you want to know more, please ask. If you don't want to know more, walk away. A discussion is one thing, a row is another.

[Amelia-Mary]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

8. Don't finish your part of the discussion with 'Just because' because naturally the other people are going to want better answers than that

[LiadanWillows]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

9. Make sure the setting is appropriate for the discussion so neither party will feel uncomfortable.

[Ophidia]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

The only problem I see with this is that proselytizing & conversion are unfortunate aspects of many Christian sects. It's hard to request someone be the bigger person and back off when they truly believe they will go to Hell or that they are a bad Christian for not pressing the issue and converting the unwilling.

I just can't express it in a rule form...

[Medusa]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

Go in with the HONEST intention to talk and NOT to convert.

[LiadanWillows]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

I agree with you there Medusa but unfortunately the Christian faith is a constant missionary of their religion and many branches of Christian faith are taught that it is their mission to convert every day.

[thalassa]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

The only problem I see with this is that proselytizing & conversion are unfortunate aspects of many Christian sects. It's hard to request someone be the bigger person and back off when they truly believe they will go to Hell or that they are a bad Christian for not pressing the issue and converting the unwilling.

I just can't express it in a rule form...

And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. (Matthew 10:14)

...Jesus said it himself, lol!

Really, unless someone is JW, there isn't a number of people they have to convert--they just have to spread the "Good News"...that doesn't mean beating a horse until it dies and then continuing to beat it after its dead. You shared, thanks but no thanks, shake the dust off your feet and move on. That is *supposed to be* (as per Jesus) enough...and then they can go home and pray that their words are a seed that takes root in our hearts and all that...

[Monk]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

I've always gone with the "Don't ask, don't tell" approach unless the person in not spewing dogma at me and seams genuinely interested. I also try and know at least a little something about most religions and interact as I would like to be conversed with myself. Each spring I go on a fishing trip with a group of Mennonite ministers and deacons, I don't believe they have any idea that I'm Pagan.
I don't know if this fits as a rule as it is most likely a variation on the theme that you have all so nicely expressed here.

[thalassa]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

I think this is somehow relevant, I just haven't figured out how it fits in yet: http://moonandshadow.wordpress.com/2...dling-muggles/

[thalassa]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

Also, I posted this as a question for input where I originally got the idea from, I have some other ideas for the pot:



One idea was

Learn the difference between some vs all, including implication.

Good:
Some/many/a lot of pagans follow nature paths
It seems like a lot of Christians insist upon a triune deity

Bad:
Non-believers are guided by Satan
Christians have a better grip on reality

Language is important, and everyone here is allegedly an adult. Intentionally misreading neutral statements as personal attacks when they clearly include a qualifier, or pretending you don't understand why your blanket statement was offensive just makes you look like an idiot or a bitch, depending on frequency. The same applies to deciding any reference to generic concepts like "religion", "faith", "god(s)", "morality" or "spirituality" ONLY applies to your religion and any statement using those words is addressed only to your own belief system. "Non-believer" is an atheist, not anyone who doesn't practice your chosen religion. "Religious person" is any religion.

to which my response was "So...something like "don't use absolute or exclusive statements"?"

which was responded to with

but it comes down more to how people choose to read things.

...so maybe something like "Try not to use absolute or exclusive statements. But don't assume that absolute or exclusive statements are made with that intent."


Which brings leads to the next idea...

# 5 -- some people are jerks and use their faith to abuse others. Don't make the mistake of assuming these people are the norm. They are most often atypical of their faith and should NOT be used as an excuse to mock, berate or otherwise degrade others of the same faith.

Another idea:
- Remember that someone else sharing their beliefs is simply about them and their beliefs. It is not an insult or attack on you. Try not to take it personally. You're welcome to disagree with their statement which is not at all the same as verbally berating them for speaking it in the first place.

to which my response (in conjunction with the link I just posted) was: Another thing is...how *should* insults and attacks be handled, beyond "walking away"? TBH, in sort of impersonal or acquaintance or random conversations it can be effective...but what about in those cases where individuals need to come to terms with one another and walking away isn't productive or appropriate? Or, when someone is being publically antagonistic (or militant, lol!!!), or perpetrating misinformation?


When someone DOES make an incorrect statement (whether it be absolute, exclusive, insulting or an attack, etc), how do you correct it constructively?

[thalassa]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

So...here is MY updated and revised list...

but the topic is still open for discussion...

Thalassa's Etiquette Guidelines for Interfaith Discussion

1) If someone asks about your religious beliefs, share (respectfully and with compassion). If they don't ask, don't assume that sharing will be welcome and go out of your way to do so.

2) If you feel compelled to ask someone else as a way to spark a discussion about their beliefs, back off if they aren't interested.

3) Make sure the setting is appropriate for the discussion so neither party will feel uncomfortable.

4) Don't act like your truth is everyone's truth--it isn't, because if it were, there wouldn't be a conversation on the matter. When expressing your beliefs, use I-statements to express your personal beliefs.

5) Refrain from using absolute or exclusive language, but don't assume that absolute or exclusive statements are made with negative intent.

6) If you are in a mutual discussion of beliefs, don't use your theological opinion as a tool for condemnation or insult.

7) Realize that the people who vocally use their beliefs about religion as an excuse to be a jerk are louder than those that don't, if you want to be a good ambassador for your faith, act your ideals, and even share them, but don't preach them.

8) Language is imprecise--different religious and denominations have differing terminology; understand the limits of your religious literacy and ask for clarification if you are unsure of one's meaning.

9) Disagreement is not an automatic insult or attack. Try to refrain from taking offense for comments that may be well-intended, but poorly phrased.

10) Courteously and constructively correct misinformation. Do not get drawn into an argument. Be polite, even when the other person is not.

11) If things start going badly, be the adult and back off. When this happens, don't wait for the other person - do it first. If you are a person that has to have the last word, remember that walking away with dignity while the other person brays like an ass is its own last word.

[Ophidia]

Re: Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions

Ah, here's one:

Try to avoid using 'you' or 'you people' when referring to actions or behaviors of people in general. 'You' is like pointing a finger at someone.