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Thread: A crossroad in my practices

  1. #1
    vagrant
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    Question A crossroad in my practices

    Hi there,

    I come looking for advice. I do not want to offend anyone exposing what I consider to be wright or wrong, as I believe we all follow different paths leading our understanding of this world and our lives. I know this matter tends to raise discrepancies; my attitude here is of absolute respect and specially, modesty.

    Iíve been an eclectic wiccan for many years now, and I have always acted following a code built over the years trough my perception, my meditation and my experiences; but now I just came across a hole in my philosophy Iím being quite troubled about...

    I have never performed any ritual or spell related with love. Within my way of thinking love is a unpredictable higher force that plays with us all in different ways and forms, something very sacred; sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse (from a human point of view), but over all a spiritual lesson. Feelings and how we relate to them deeply affect the way we relate with the world and we live our lives. I have always thought I had to deal with those feelings as a way to learn from my existence, to feed my own spirit and become wiser and better. So I was never to modify loveís flow in me or others, or even to question it.

    Now though, this conviction has started to shatter.

    Itís been a year since I fell hopelessly in love (and with an unexpected strength) with a person that just doesnīt fit in my life.
    I decided not to do anything at the time, as it has happened to me before, just tried to understand and deal with my feelings as I waited for them to fade at some stage or to change at least. It has been a dark year. Iíve talked about it, Iīve meditated about it, I have tried to face it and to forget it. I cannot really say I feel any improvement. For some reason a part of me is still clinging to something that never happened.

    The most frustrating thing is Iím currently doing what I love the most: travelingÖ But Iím afraid this is ruining it all, I donít feel Iím learning much, as my head is not tuned with my physical me. Iím like a bottomless pit, people around me feel it too, and I fear I might be missing a lot from them and the experiences I am living.

    I can feel life, opportunities, lessons, minutes and days escaping, as Iím still stuck in myself.

    Iíve asked my spirit guides for guidance (I have shamanic beliefs as well), but they remain silent, staring at me, somewhat waiting for me to take a step by myself, no matter the direction (is there an actual reason for this?).

    Iím lost, so that is why I come to you.

    The question is, is it wiser to keep up with this frustration and wait as I try to understand, or should reconsider all I believed in order to actively try to feel alive again? If so, do you have any ideas of what kind of spell should I try (Iím very new in those matters)?


    Thank you in advance,
    Blessed be.

    (Hope I posted this in the proper section, if not, please point it out)

  2. #2
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: A crossroad in my practices

    If I were feeling what you seem to be describing, I'd be figuring I needed a vacation.

    When you feel lost, it's most likely because you are lost. Once you've recognized that you are lost, the next thing to do is to find yourself. This should be easy because you are yourself, and you can't be anything else, so all you have to is be yourself, and you've found yourself.

    Unfortunately, a lot of people run off looking for themselves, and any time you "go looking" your attention is directed away from yourself - the very thing you are attempting to find - and so the searcher becomes increasingly lost in his/her own seeking.

    So take a vacation. Kick back and just be, without putting any effort into what you are being.

    A beach and a drink with a little umbrella in it helps, too.
    Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.


  3. #3
    Silver Member Caelia's Avatar
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    Re: A crossroad in my practices

    I've dealt with this myself. I believe in some faiths it's called "the dark night of the soul". I found having to break everything down to its source worked for me to finally get through it. However that takes an emotional toll and having to come to terms with some possibly unpleasant things. It's also taking the long way of what B. de Corbin said: that realization that we are simply who we are and other people are who they are.
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  4. #4
    Magical Friend
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    Re: A crossroad in my practices

    Hello Vagrant

    Having just ended a very difficult magical love affair, which was off-on for many years, I do sympathize. This is my advice -

    If possible, end the travelling straight away and return home. I'd advise space clearing, creating sacred space, and seeking healing. Are you familiar with Feng Shui space clearing? Karen Kingston's book "Creating Sacred Space With Feng Shui" helped me a lot. However, it wasn't until I consulted a homeopath (for a health condition) that things really began to shift for me. I'm only offering this as a suggestion though - your path is up to you. I just think, it could be partly your outer environment - as outside, so inside, as it were. I trust this is of some help to you. Blessed Be.

  5. #5
    Jr. Member Abhainn's Avatar
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    Re: A crossroad in my practices

    Maybe you have reached the end of this particular path, and the discomfort you feel is the rubbing between what you were and what you need to become. Like a snake shedding its skin.
    "All four winds blow steady, singing 'hie, the open road is home!'"
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