I just got dumped....

[DanieMarie]

So I got back to Germany yesterday, and my boyfriend was acting funny. I texted him and he didn't answer, and then later he said he'd come over today. Then he came over today and he said he was there to break up with me. I'm so upset. I'm jet lagged, tired, and my birthday is tomorrow. And I just got dumped. I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself right now, so any kind words would really be appreciated.

[Zephyranth]

Re: I just got dumped....

I really firmly believe that when people exit our lives, they do so for a reason... To allow someone better to come in... <3 If it wasn't right for him, it wasn't right for you... Because they guy who is perfect for you will never dream of leaving... Love is a complicated thing, but it's worth it when we find the right one in the end.

[Jembru]

Re: I just got dumped....

Oh god that's horrible. He hardly gave the relationship a chance. I definitely second what Zephyranth said. I thought I'd never stop grieving over the loss of my ex (the guy I moved the Germany for), but looking back, we were a terrible match, I just couldn't see it for the rose tinted glasses. I'm happier now than he could ever have made me. Not much consolation when the pain is new, I know that, but you will one day look back and be glad he freed you for the guy you're meant to be with!

You're such a nice girl that I just know you'll find love soon enough. You are very bright, really brave (to have moved there in the first place), always kind and open-minded and also damned pretty! It's a horrible waiting game. I'm 30 and only just settled down (and no one can guarantee even this will last!), so I know what a cruel, painful and long road it can be.

My love and thoughts are with you and I'll light a candle to send some healing for you!

[DanieMarie]

Re: I just got dumped....

Thanks to you both Part of me thinks that I'll never meet anyone ever again, but the grown up, rational part of me knows that I will and that's just the sting talking. He seemed like such a great guy and he's really smart...but I know there are lots of guys out there like that (or I hope there are). I'll probably cry a lot over the next few days, but I'm going to try to stay busy (at least it's summer!) and in a few weeks when I feel a bit better I'm going to try the online dating thing (where I met him) again.

I don't really think he gave it a chance either, but it sounds like he got afraid of commitment, judging by what I could get out of him.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: I just got dumped....

Really sorry to hear this Danie Marie - but as others here have said, you're better off without him if he feels that way. When one door closes another door opens... it's just the dark hallways inbetween that are such a bloody pain. Good luck, will be thinking of you. :_

[DanieMarie]

Re: I just got dumped....

Thanks for the kind words

[Medusa]

Re: I just got dumped....

I'm sorry. I broke up with my boyfriend officially on our shared birthday. Sucked. But here I am 10 months later and I'm tolerable.

Enjoy the time you had. The worst thing to do is regret. I hope your moving on goes smoothly. Lots of hugs.

[earthgirl]

Re: I just got dumped....

That really sucks, but look at it this way... a guy who would dump you when you felt like crap after an international flight a day before your birthday ain't really the kind of guy you should be with anyway. Time heals all wounds and all that trite crap, but seriously. If that's how and when he left you, then you are better off that he went ahead and did it.

[DanieMarie]

Re: I just got dumped....

Yeah it's a pretty crappy thing to do. I guess he didn't want to dump me ON my birthday, so he took his window.

A lot of me thinks what Jem said...he never even gave me or the relationship a chance. I wish he spent a bit of time with me after I got back to see if he really felt like being on his own or if he's just getting a bit scared.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: I just got dumped....

I wish he spent a bit of time with me after I got back to see if he really felt like being on his own or if he's just getting a bit scared.

I totally get that you want to be sure, but if he is willing to just drop you the day before your birthday, do you really want something like a failing relationship to drag on? at least now you havestarted the suffering/healing part and can continue with your life sooner, now you can be open and receptive to the Right person (should they decide to come along now!) Today is gonna be a massively crappy day for you, (much like yesterday,) but as long as you keep yourself open and remember that life goes on, I've no doubt that you will heal and you will find the one you are looking for.

[shadow1982]

Re: I just got dumped....

A lot of me thinks what Jem said...he never even gave me or the relationship a chance. I wish he spent a bit of time with me after I got back to see if he really felt like being on his own or if he's just getting a bit scared.

I am sorry to hear this Danie and am thinking of you. I completely understand why you feel this way but I agree with others in that if he didn't really want a long-term commitment it is better you found out early on than many months down the line.

Of course that in no way invalidates the way you feel, nor is it going to make you feel better. You are upset, and probably grieving, and that is both normal and ok. You just need to take as long as YOU need to feel a bit better about it. And in the meantime, know that we are all thinking of you.

[DanieMarie]

Re: I just got dumped....

Thanks ladies.

Part of me feels really confused. Was I lied to? He seemed to really want a relationship, and we talked about being committed and stuff. Part of me wants to know if it was me.

[Jembru]

Re: I just got dumped....

Definitely not! How could it have been you? Do you think you were coming on too strong? Expecting too much? The way you handled the relationship was how YOU handle relationships. The right guy would want the same thing. I don't buy into the whole game theory of relationships crap. What? We should follow a set of rules because 'men want...', 'men dislike...'? I find that crap sexist to both genders. The truth is, men and women encompass an entire spectrum of likes and behaviours. The right partner, will just fit without you haveing to follow some prescribed set of behaviours and rules. No, whatever his reason, it was him, and not you, that wasn't right.

When I've been heart broken (and lets say it's been once or twice!), I like to think of the saying, 'No man is worth your tears, because the one who is will never make you cry'. I'd forgotten I liked the quote, then a friend emailed that to me when Chris dumped me, and it really helped to drag me out of the darkness.

[ChainLightning]

Re: I just got dumped....

I am really of no help, here, Danie. I do feel for you, though. It was a pretty rotten way of showing himself!

Anything else I might add would either be trite male-bashing or untimely flirting. So...

*hugs*

[DanieMarie]

Re: I just got dumped....

Thanks, chain