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What Not to Say to a Newbie

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    #61
    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

    Go ahead, just treat it like you would a magic lamp!

    I can't find my eye of newt, is it OK to substitute crushed red pepper in my magic spell?

    I figured nobody else was gonna touch that
    Last edited by Monk; 02 Oct 2012, 12:44.
    Gargoyles watch over me...I can hear them snicker in the dark.


    Pull the operating handle (which protrudes from the right side of the receiver) smartly to the rear and release it.

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      #62
      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

      Originally posted by Monk View Post
      Go ahead, just treat it like you would a magic lamp!

      I can't find my eye of newt, is it OK to substitute crushed red pepper in my magic spell?

      I figured nobody else was gonna touch that
      Yeah, that was pretty much my thoughts, Monk. I wasn't touching that with a ten-foot pole.

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        #63
        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

        Originally posted by Monk View Post
        Go ahead, just treat it like you would a magic lamp!

        I figured nobody else was gonna touch that
        It's ok I sorta expected it would be you to answer....:bounce:

        Originally posted by Monk View Post
        I can't find my eye of newt, is it OK to substitute crushed red pepper in my magic spell?
        Only if you want to be blinded by the Magical pepper! He will be angered by your actions!
        Use sulfuric acid instead...


        My mom says that magick is evil and I'm going to be struck down by god. Is there a spell to keep me safe from god? or my mom?
        http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

        But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
        ~Jim Butcher

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          #64
          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

          Originally posted by Maria de Luna View Post
          :bounce:
          My mom says that magick is evil and I'm going to be struck down by god. Is there a spell to keep me safe from god? or my mom?
          Drop an extra $20 in the collection plate and buy your mom some chocolate candy's.


          I can't find my Grimoire anywhere so is it OK to use my copy THE MORE THAN COMPLETE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE it's a large tome too?
          Last edited by Monk; 03 Oct 2012, 05:06.
          Gargoyles watch over me...I can hear them snicker in the dark.


          Pull the operating handle (which protrudes from the right side of the receiver) smartly to the rear and release it.

          Comment


            #65
            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

            As long as you don't forget to bring a towel, you should be A-OK.

            I was using a Ouija board the other day and the spirit tried to tell me a knock knock joke. Is that normal?
            In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. ~~ Edward P. Tryon

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              #66
              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

              Oh, spirits are real jokers. Better play along or they'll start to haunt your house writing "knock knock" all over your walls.


              So if I say this chant from youtube I'll totally be able to cast a spell on my mom to make her understand me more right?
              By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
              -Confucius

              Blog

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                #67
                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                Originally posted by TheTeddy View Post
                So if I say this chant from youtube I'll totally be able to cast a spell on my mom to make her understand me more right?
                Nope. There's not a power in heaven or hell that can make your mom understand you. Albertus Magnus once claimed to have such a spell, but it's well known that his mother was retarded.



                When casting a love spell, is it better to use head hair, armpit hair, or pubic hair?
                Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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                  #68
                  Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                  When casting a love spell, is it better to use head hair, armpit hair, or pubic hair?
                  This both depends on what kind of love you want to conjure and what you can get your hands on. Also what you're willing to eat.

                  I've been trying to draw the moon down, but it's hard for me to draw a perfect circle. Can I use a compass, or draw a crescent? And do I have to draw in craters, too?

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                    #69
                    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                    Originally posted by Siloh View Post
                    I've been trying to draw the moon down, but it's hard for me to draw a perfect circle. Can I use a compass, or draw a crescent? And do I have to draw in craters, too?
                    Buy a slice of swiss cheese, get a circle cookie cutter and make the cheese round, then pour paint on it, when you lift out the cheese you get a moon and craters! almost no work on your part! Just remember to buy non-toxic paint, because you have to eat the cheese when you are done.

                    I named my parakeet after the God Jupiter, does that mean it's ok to invoke that god into him? Will that make him say something new?
                    http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

                    But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
                    ~Jim Butcher

                    Comment


                      #70
                      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                      Originally posted by Maria de Luna View Post
                      I named my parakeet after the God Jupiter, does that mean it's ok to invoke that god into him? Will that make him say something new?
                      No, for a very simple reason - Jupiter is very big, and parakeets are very small. If you put a big god in a small body, the body tends to burst like a poodle in a microwave. I went through 5 gerbils before I learned this. Oh, and the only new thing it is likely to say in this case is "oh oh."


                      My bathroom has a terrible smell in it. Does that mean that an evil spirit lives in my toilet? Please help! I worry about this every time I sit down...
                      Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

                      Comment


                        #71
                        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                        Originally posted by B. de Corbin View Post
                        No, for a very simple reason - Jupiter is very big, and parakeets are very small. If you put a big god in a small body, the body tends to burst like a poodle in a microwave. I went through 5 gerbils before I learned this. Oh, and the only new thing it is likely to say in this case is "oh oh."


                        My bathroom has a terrible smell in it. Does that mean that an evil spirit lives in my toilet? Please help! I worry about this every time I sit down...
                        You definitely have an evil spirit. Have you tried chanting and pooping in a circle deosil?

                        I just want to be pretty. Can I cast a spell to make me pretty?


                        Mostly art.

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                          #72
                          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                          Sure. All you need is a little cow manure and lavender.

                          Is there a spell to shut up my little brother?
                          We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

                          I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
                          It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
                          Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
                          -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

                          Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

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                            #73
                            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                            Originally posted by Shahaku View Post
                            Is there a spell to shut up my little brother?
                            No, but there's a potion you can use. It's called "super glue." Simply apply a small amount to his lips, and there ya go...


                            I've been trying to make a homonculous in the bathtub. Do I need to worry about leaving an unsightly ring when I drain out the fluid?
                            Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

                            Comment


                              #74
                              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                              Originally posted by B. de Corbin View Post
                              I've been trying to make a homonculous in the bathtub. Do I need to worry about leaving an unsightly ring when I drain out the fluid?
                              Hmmm, are you sure you've got the right recipe for a homunculus? If there's liquid involved, it seems like you're involved more in cloning than manufacturing. Maybe you should re-read your instructions? Generally, the slag left behind from homunculi is more appropriate to use in your composter. I wouldn't want to try to flush it or rinse it down the tub. The fluid used in cloning can be rough on old copper pipes, but beyond that your plumbing should be able to handle it.

                              My coworkers cannot work without their computers. Is there a spell I can use to enable them to count change back correctly without the use of technology?
                              The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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                                #75
                                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                                I'm sorry, there is no spell voodou or trick that will ever make your coworkers anything more than completely useless. You may need to scrap this batch and start over I can recommend a few really efficient methods for that...

                                How come when I sacrifice a cow and leave it on my alter as an offering for the gods, the gods never take the cow away?
                                http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

                                But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
                                ~Jim Butcher

                                Comment

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