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    Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

    So, long story short, I'm a Christian guy who has fallen in love with a Pagan girl.
    She recently "came out of the broom-closet" to me, and I think she was afraid I'd just... Reject her instantly or try to convert her or something, and seemed pleasantly surprised I thought her beliefs were kind of cool. I've been talking to her a lot about them, and doing some research to try to understand them myself. She's been really open about things, its been cool and I've learned a lot. However, her family doesn't accept her beliefs, and she's had some problems with people mistreating her, judging her, trying to convert her, and generally just being jerks to her.
    I have no interest in converting her, or in converting myself. If she didn't believe what she does, she wouldn't be the person I've fallen for, nor her for me (well, at least I hope :P ).

    Basically, what can I do to make sure she feels comfortable with me religiously? I want her to know I accept her for who she is.
    Is there anything I should make sure I avoid doing that would be unintentionally offensive to her?
    I've been thinking of getting her something nice for an appropriate Pagan holiday she celebrates. Or something related to her beliefs just for, you know, for whenever. Would that be okay?

    I could gush with the gooey spiels about how I've never met anyone like her, and how ridiculously happy we are when we're together, or how smart, clever, and beautiful she is, but I'll refrain. I've never fallen for a non-Christian before, and never fallen for anyone like this, so I really don't want to screw this up by accidentally doing something stupid.

    Thank you for any advice or comments ^_^.
    hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

    #2
    Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

    What a guy.

    ... Okay I guess I better say something as well to be helpful. To be honest, I think it sounds like you're doing a really really great job at the moment just taking the time to find out about her beliefs and honoring them. Well done!
    Last edited by Azvanna; 19 Mar 2013, 23:03.

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      #3
      Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

      I agree with Azvanna
      Sounds like you're doing just fine as it is.

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        #4
        Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

        I think it's great that you are being so open about this and not wanting to pressure her. That in itself speaks volumes and I'm sure that she is so relieved to know that she can be comfortable around you with her beliefs.

        Do you guys share living space? If not, then consider what you would expect if you guys ever did. Perhaps each of you can have dedicated/designated space for your own beliefs. A drawer maybe, if you guys would like to be covert about it with potential guests that may disapprove. (If that's a concern)
        �Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.�
        ― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
        Sneak Attack
        Avatar picture by the wonderful and talented TJSGrimm.

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          #5
          Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

          I'll back up everyone else and say that it sounds like you're on the right track. Trust takes time, and she'll likely need some time to see that you're not going to reject her beliefs and try to convert her like a lot of other people in her life have done. Give her space to practice, but show occasional interest and listen to her if she wants to talk. Keep being open as you have been and she'll be more comfortable with you having separate beliefs.

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            #6
            Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

            I agree with what's already been said. People often think that Mr Penry and I share the same beliefs but actually we don't. And Mr Penry (having at one time trained to be a priest although now very much one of the 'I don't know' brigade) can come at me with all sorts of interesting theories and arguments. We enjoy discussions of that sort and I feel it's really helped me develop along my own spiritual path. However, some people don't enjoy it and indeed feel quite threatened, so it's worth bearing in mind. There is a fine line between a lively discussion and an argument. You seem to have things pretty well in hand, just keep asking and checking so that you always know where - and what - her boundaries are. And yours too, of course! And good luck!
            www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


            Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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              #7
              Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

              Aw I think you made my day better just with this post.

              Gifts are nice. If you're crafty at all, I've seen spouses make wands, tarot boxes, runes, even altar's for one another for certain holidays (or birthdays, or general gifts to pick up someone's mood). Otherwise, there are a lot of metaphysical stores floating around that you could look at. I'd recommend http://www.13moons.com/ in particular.

              But overall, I would say communication is your best bet. Just tell her what you've said here, that you're absolutely fine with it and are interested in learning about her beliefs. That she has someone there that will always accept what she wants to practice.

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                #8
                Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                Thank you- That was very reassuring to hear I'm already going about things the right way. This is a whole new thing I'm learning about; I knew next to nothing about modern Pagans until she told me she was one, so I've been very nervous asking her questions about her beliefs since I didn't want to offend her by asking something stupid, but talking openly with her (even when I've been awkward) has clearly been great for both of us. I know this will take time to build trust up with her, but I'm willing to put that in. I wish her family was being more accepting, but I can only do my part.

                I really appreciate the support and feedback. You guys are nice people, here.

                Juniper- we don't share a living space, but if we ever get to that point together, I'll glad you brought that up. Its definitely something for me to ponder.

                - - - Updated - - -

                Ljubezen- I'll be bookmarking that website! Thank you. I'm fairly 'crafty' but I'll need to get more familiar with how she practices before I undertake something of that nature ^_^. I don't think anyone has ever gotten her a gift that affirms her beliefs, so I think she would really appreciate it.
                hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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                  #9
                  Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                  Honestly...just tell her that!

                  "Hey, I really like you, and I'm genuinely interested in your beliefs... I'm going to have lots of questions and I don't want you hurt because I say something stupid on accident so, please let me know if I'm asking something in a way that is offensive, and let me know how I could better rephrase something."

                  And tbh, you can ask us too. We come from a variety of Pagan traditions and backgrounds. The best way to know what this girl personally believes is to ask her, but the best way to know what Pagans believe, is to ask at least a dozen or so the same question...you will get at least a dozen answers, if not more!
                  Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
                  sigpic

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                    #10
                    Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                    Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                    least a dozen or so the same question...you will get at least a dozen answers, if not more!
                    I need to work on this issue. You guys aren't adequately insane until asking a dozen pagans gets at least 36 different answers if not more. People have been smuggling sanity around here and I do not approve.
                    life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                    Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                    "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                    John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                    "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                    Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


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                      #11
                      Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                      Be yourself. She fell in love with you the way you are.

                      Also, if any religious discussions get heated (and sometimes they can, even when we're tolerant of each other), be the first to say, "You know what, this is getting a bit too heated for me. I love talking with you, but you know what I've love to do right now? Let's go on a picnic/ a walk/ to the beach/ to a movie right now. What do ya say?"

                      That you're not trying to convert her is pretty much the icing on the proverbial cake. That's huge, so from there, roll with it with as much kindness as you can. Don't allow religious differences discussions to become the talk de jour very often, if you can. Not that talking about it is bad, just that you don't want your differences to become all you have in common (it really does make sense, I swear).

                      Best to you both!

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                        #12
                        Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                        I've noticed that Pagan traditions vary greatly in the searching I've done so far. I shouldn't have been surprised, what with how ridiculously different Christian groups can be from each other and still be under the label Christian (I often wonder if I'm I'm actually worshiping the same God as some other Christians I have met. After all, at a certain point I can't be worshiping the same God as people who can't accept so much of the same people I can.)

                        But yeah, there have been some wildly differing views I've run across on some of the topics I've looked at, not to mention her own personal views which take their own path yet again.

                        New and interesting, this.
                        hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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                          #13
                          Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                          Originally posted by SPhoenix View Post
                          Be yourself. She fell in love with you the way you are.

                          Also, if any religious discussions get heated (and sometimes they can, even when we're tolerant of each other), be the first to say, "You know what, this is getting a bit too heated for me. I love talking with you, but you know what I've love to do right now? Let's go on a picnic/ a walk/ to the beach/ to a movie right now. What do ya say?"

                          That you're not trying to convert her is pretty much the icing on the proverbial cake. That's huge, so from there, roll with it with as much kindness as you can. Don't allow religious differences discussions to become the talk de jour very often, if you can. Not that talking about it is bad, just that you don't want your differences to become all you have in common (it really does make sense, I swear).

                          Best to you both!
                          That's really good advice. And yes, it does make sense. Its easy to get caught up in what is honest curiosity and just... Well, be annoying asking about things too often. We have yet to have a major kerfuffle over religion, its all been very civil, but I'll keep that in mind if it occurs.

                          Maybe this sounds dumb, but I actually think I have more in common with her religiously then I do with any of my Christian girlfriends? We both seem to tie the divine into nature and see it there, and just the general attitudes we have behind things, even though our practices and God(s) are totally and utterly different. Its pretty neat.

                          Just be myself, don't over think this, and keep respecting her. Cool ^_^.

                          This thread has been more helpful then I anticipated. Thanks to everyone yet again.
                          hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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                            #14
                            Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                            Not sure how I missed releasing the above post for 4 days straight but if you have another post disappear on you, Malflick and it doesn't show up inside a few hours, PM one of the staff and we can free it from the slightly overzealous filter.
                            life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                            Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                            "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                            John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                            "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                            Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                              Originally posted by MaskedOne View Post
                              Not sure how I missed releasing the above post for 4 days straight but if you have another post disappear on you, Malflick and it doesn't show up inside a few hours, PM one of the staff and we can free it from the slightly overzealous filter.
                              Ah, gotcha. Thank you! I'll be sure to do that in the future ^_^.

                              On another note, due to her hectic schedule she wasn't able to celebrate the Equinox like she wanted, so we're going to have some sort of joint Easter/Belated Vernal Equinox celebration on Easter. We haven't really planned it other then that we're getting food, but hopefully it goes well. Fingers crossed!
                              hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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