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    I would really like some input on this...

    My cousin went to move in with her ex BF and a few friends of his. She wanted to start fresh now that she is done with college. The ex was a really nice guy, very caring and sweet, he was even pagan. However, when she went to live with him his personality did a total 360. He's mean, disrespectful, told friends he was going to hurt her and still calmed that he was pagan. What would cause such a drastic change?

    #2
    Re: I would really like some input on this...

    I should point out that pagan != decent. Paganism has its fair share of narcissistic ***holes and other disgraces to humanity in general. Past that, if he's seriously mentioned inflicting harm then my first priority would be getting her out of there. Understanding is secondary (by a vast, vast margin) to safety.

    Does she know his friends and how long has it been since she dated the guy?
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    Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


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      #3
      Re: I would really like some input on this...

      I agree with ^. I'd like to add that some people put on a show for the world, in public, but in private, or in the company of close friends, they are completely different. I think they do this because they know what's socially acceptable, but they've been able to get away with it in private. Really not sure about that, but it would be my guess.
      We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

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        #4
        Re: I would really like some input on this...

        It's usually the case that when people start living together, they discover aspects of eachother they didn't know about beforehand, and if these aspects aren't compatible, it can lead to conflict. It's easy to get along with someone when you don't have to be around them every day. Without knowing more about the situation nobody can say for sure,but it sounds like they just have a personality clash that's leading to confrontation and anger. Especially if he's an ex, which, no offense, but moving in with someone you used to date but no longer do is a really horrible idea. if she couldn't handle a relationship with him, how on earth does she think she'll handle living with him?

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          #5
          Re: I would really like some input on this...

          I agree that getting her out is priority one. The situation you described gives me a bad feeling. Worry about how to help your cousin first. As for bf this could simply be a hidden side of his personalty, or something could have happened that changed him.
          I have see some people make some very drastic changes in how they act and understand the world based on nothing more than what a group of 'friends' is telling them. And believe me, these changes are not always positive.

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            #6
            Re: I would really like some input on this...

            Originally posted by PrincessWillow View Post
            My cousin went to move in with her ex BF and a few friends of his. She wanted to start fresh now that she is done with college. The ex was a really nice guy, very caring and sweet, he was even pagan. However, when she went to live with him his personality did a total 360. He's mean, disrespectful, told friends he was going to hurt her and still calmed that he was pagan. What would cause such a drastic change?
            Main suggestions:
            1. He is a liar
            2. He is a psychopath
            3. Maybe they misunderstand each other
            4. Maybe his friends are stirring - and this can work both ways, telling her things about him and vice versa

            To be on the safe side she should move out for a while and reassess the situation.
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              #7
              Re: I would really like some input on this...

              I agree that getting her out of that situation is for the best. It's could be he was putting on until he got what he wanted (your cousin moving in) and than decided to show his true colors. It's sad that things like that happen. But if he is making threats of any sort, she should get away from him.

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                #8
                Re: I would really like some input on this...

                Goodness Try to convince her to get out of there as soon as possible. It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship, and if he is threatening to harm her she needs to kick his ass to the curb before she gets seriously hurt. Is there anywhere she can stay, other than with him?
                As for the sudden change: It is not all that uncommon for abusive people to act one way at the beginning of a relationship, then show their true colors when they have the victim under control in one way or another.
                I hope the best for your friend.

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                  #9
                  Re: I would really like some input on this...

                  I actually had a very similar experience with my first husband. Everything was sunshine and roses until we got married. I'm hoping the situation isn't as dire as it sounds, but I'm going to add my voice to the 'get her out of there' crowd. Some of these situations can turn nasty, especially if it's a case of putting on a show to get what they want as this can suggest a manipulative and controlling personality.
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                    #10
                    Re: I would really like some input on this...

                    Thank you guys. The day she told me about what he might do I took the day off work and brought her home with me. She is not going back there. Her ex was a really nice guy and sweet, but now he has been corrupted. I told her to let the law of three take effect for him. I think maybe he had been praticeing something and somehow it went wrong. He was a true pagan, but he's just not the same.

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                      #11
                      Re: I would really like some input on this...

                      I don't think him being Pagan has anything to do with it. He just sounds like an idiot. I'm glad she got out of the situation. If he was seriously threatening personal harm (on anyone, really) then no one should deal with it. His friends would probably do good with splitting form him, too. Or kicking him out. Who knows if your cousin is the first person he's done this to. Regardless, good on you for getting your cousin out of harms way.
                      In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. ~~ Edward P. Tryon

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                        #12
                        Re: I would really like some input on this...

                        A woman I worked with had this happen to her. She married her high school sweetheart,but after they were married he became very controlling. She finally got out of the relationship and married a very nice guy. Some people do change because of insecurity about themselves and turn to intimidation and violent control because they fear without control they will lose the other person. As said by others she should get out,and a common reaction by the abusive person would be the "I have changed,and will never hit you again" but I would not trust this,it is a common tactic of an abusive person to suck you back into a bad situation.
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