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Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

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    Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three years. He was raised without religion in his home, and has a deep resentment of it that borders on it's own form of ignorance. For the first year of our relationship, I considered myself atheist as well and we had a great deal in common regarding our beliefs as a result. But when a friend introduced me to the idea of being Pagan, I immediately jumped into Wicca. I feel that it's always been right for me, and I just didn't know it until I stumbled upon it. I asked him, at first, if it was okay with him, and he said that it was, but definitely seemed a little standoffish about it.
    After a while of me considering myself Wiccan, and really getting into learning about it, he decided to give it a try as well, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it. I was going through a lot of stuff at the time, and wasn't very present in my day-to-day life, so I never really got around to explaining to him that it's okay if he doesn't believe the same thing as I do. Over time, he has sort of gradually stopped identifying himself as Wiccan again, which I am more than okay with. We each sort of do our own thing, and he knows what I believe and how I feel, and I know how he feels.
    But, there is still this unspoken wall between us about our beliefs. We never talk about religion, at least as it relates to us personally (he loves to debate religious topics), and I feel that I am leaving him out of a huge part of my life by not feeling like I'm able to talk to him about my constantly changing and growing spirituality. He is very accepting of what I believe, I think, and he has told me before that it doesn't bother him because I don't try to force how I feel about my spirituality on anyone else. But, I still feel that he's a little uncomfortable with the difference in our belief systems, and I would like to begin to bring down that wall and open up that avenue of communication. How would you all go about this?

    #2
    Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

    Hmn. As far as I've found, talking about how religion (or the lack of it) relates to you personally, in everyday tangible ways, is a good way to open a dialogue. Finding some common topic between the two of you that relates to this, even though you clearly won't see eye to eye on how your religion relates to it, and jumping off from there.

    Obviously its not the same situation, but my girlfriend and I really started opening up and tearing that wall down when we started talking about how wonderful the woods were in religious terms with each other. It gave us a point of reference between something we both loved, that we could use as a bridge even though we saw the details differently.

    We've been able to slowly build bridges from there into other topics, but the point is to start your dialogue with him from a place of non-confrontation, a point of unity between you two amidst the dissonance, even if its just talking about your relationship and how great it is that you do respect each others beliefs, and then segueing into more detail about what those beliefs are and how they relate.

    Good luck!
    hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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      #3
      Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

      Originally posted by Malflick View Post
      the point is to start your dialogue with him from a place of non-confrontation, a point of unity between you two amidst the dissonance, even if its just talking about your relationship and how great it is that you do respect each others beliefs, and then segueing into more detail about what those beliefs are and how they relate.
      This is actually a solution that I haven't thought of so far. So thank you, for that! That makes a lot of sense to me, and I want to be able to start sharing our beliefs in a way that will bring us closer instead of making it harder for us to relate to each other. Being able to share that area of my life is important to me.

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        #4
        Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

        Originally posted by Poshi View Post
        This is actually a solution that I haven't thought of so far. So thank you, for that! That makes a lot of sense to me, and I want to be able to start sharing our beliefs in a way that will bring us closer instead of making it harder for us to relate to each other. Being able to share that area of my life is important to me.
        welcome ! Glad I could be of help. Being able to share that area of life is important to me as well, so I wish you lots of luck with doing the same.
        hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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          #5
          Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

          I've encountered stuff like this a lot. Atheists can be just as stubborn as strict evangelicals. Sometimes discussing it helps (and you should definitely do so), but sometimes they just cannot fathom why anyone would believe in anything at all. If that ends up being the case, remember that it has nothing to do with Wicca in particular; he probably has the same views about any belief. If it comes to that, you'll have to just decide to agree to disagree and respect each other's spiritual space (or lack thereof), or risk the relationship.

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            #6
            Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

            Originally posted by DanieMarie View Post
            I've encountered stuff like this a lot. Atheists can be just as stubborn as strict evangelicals. Sometimes discussing it helps (and you should definitely do so), but sometimes they just cannot fathom why anyone would believe in anything at all. If that ends up being the case, remember that it has nothing to do with Wicca in particular; he probably has the same views about any belief. If it comes to that, you'll have to just decide to agree to disagree and respect each other's spiritual space (or lack thereof), or risk the relationship.
            Thank you, for your input. I definitely think he and I need to talk and figure out whether we can be open with each other. If we can't be, then I'm not sure I can see us moving forward in the relationship, because that's just so vital to me.

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              #7
              Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

              My hubby only really started to come around to understanding why I believe the things I do when he started experiencing tangible proof of the things I randomly brought up (because sometimes I just talk about random things out of the blue and people think I'm nuts....).

              Otherwise, he seemed to really like the increase of celebrations I brought into our calendar that involved copious amounts of home-cooked food... just a thought.

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                #8
                Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                I'm happy for you for that, and also glad you shared! It gives me hope to know things can alter over time. Thank you.

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                  #9
                  Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                  I think many people assume that mr Penry and I believe pretty much the same things. Actually we don't. And we debate at length - heatedly sometimes! But those discussions have helped me a lot on my spiritual path... I think his point of view has made me take stock of my own, to the extent that now I couldn't imagine doing without these morning/afternoon/evening debates. In the right circumstances, it's no bad thing to be asked to defend your corner.

                  Of course, we've honed our debating skills down the decades, and nobody gets upset. The thing is to ask questions and listen to the answers. Then ask more questions, and listen to those answers too. If you get the balance right it can be brilliant. But if you don't... well, it can be very upsetting

                  Only you can know how the balance stands at the moment.
                  www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                  Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                    #10
                    Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                    Originally posted by Poshi View Post
                    I'm happy for you for that, and also glad you shared! It gives me hope to know things can alter over time. Thank you.
                    All things change with time. As long as you still care for each other in the long run, I've found you learn to either agree with, or at least accept and adapt to, your partner's quirks.

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                      #11
                      Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                      Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I think he and I just need to become comfortable with sharing the way we feel, despite the differences that presents. We shouldn't shy away from those differences, we should accept them.

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                        #12
                        Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                        Hello, everyone! I took your advice, and my boyfriend and I discussed spirituality quite a bit last night. The topic came up very casually, and I just sort of threw out there very honestly that I would like to discuss my religious beliefs more and be more open about my thoughts regarding them. He said to go ahead and say anything that came to my mind, so we talked a lot about how I feel in general, but we also touched on a few specific issues I've been having issues with and boy am I glad I talked to him about it, because the things he said made a lot of sense to me! I'm actually off to compose a thread about that as we speak! Thank you for your support, everyone!

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                          #13
                          Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                          Yay! Good for you. Now to get the same level of success with my guy
                          ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                          RIP

                          I have never been across the way
                          Seen the desert and the birds
                          You cut your hair short
                          Like a shush to an insult
                          The world had been yelling
                          Since the day you were born
                          Revolting with anger
                          While it smiled like it was cute
                          That everything was shit.

                          - J. Wylder

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                            #14
                            Re: Atheist Boyfriend Might Be Uncomfortable With My Wiccan Religion

                            Glad to see your situation has resolved.

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