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Thread: What do you guys think?

  1. #1
    Sr. Member Chris the Bold's Avatar
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    What do you guys think?

    So I wasn't really sure where to put this post. Under debates maybe? Rants? idk. But anyhow. So I've been talking to a girl I've never actually met for about 3 years now, but not in an intimate way. Her older sister and I are very close. Rather, I've always been sort of a mentor figure to her. Her sister has always been ok with this and respects her sister's space and my opinions. However, recently the girl expressed an interest in me. I firmly, but gently told her no, but she won't let up. I wasn't sure what to do so I brought it to my friends. Immediately they started implying that I was a verging upon pedophilia and should never have even befriended this girl to with. Their advice was to just stop talking to her completely.

    So what do you guys think? Was I wrong to begin with? or is this acceptable? and what should I do?

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    Dievturi Auseklis's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    If your friends are saying 'verging upon pedophilia' I am guessing you are of legal 'sexual' age and she is not?
    My posts are generally sent from my cell fone. Please excuse my brevity, and spelling/grammar errors.

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    Fundamentalist Dumuzi's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    How old are you guys?
    Do they not, then, ponder about the Qur‘an? Had it been from someone other than Allah, they would have found in it much discrepancy. [4:82]

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    Member Jinx's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    I think that if your relationship was strictly platonic (which it sounds like it is on your end) then you were not doing anything wrong. I think that when your on the younger age of the spectrum people form many judgements about was is acceptable for relationships and what isn't. Even though your intentions have been completely innocent and you were truly just befriending the girl, then there is no harm done. At this point, where she is expressing an interest in you, the lines of friendship can be blurred, especially to people outside of the situation. If she is many years your junior she may think there is something there that you may never have intended to convey. I think your best point is to firmly tell her no again and limit the contact you have with her. You do not have to ignore her completely, just don't be as friendly and open to communication as you have always been. Also if your very good friends with her older sister maybe explain the situation to her and she may be able to help buffer it some. From the little information you have given us, I would certainly not go so far as to call it 'pedophilia' if you truly had no ulterior motives.

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    Sr. Member Chris the Bold's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Auseklis View Post
    If your friends are saying 'verging upon pedophilia' I am guessing you are of legal 'sexual' age and she is not?
    Correct, I am 18 and she is 15

  6. #6
    Silver Member monsno_leedra's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    I'm surprised the notion of "Puppy Love" has not come up here vice pedophilia. Even ignoring the fact pedophilia is usually up to about 13 in age though there is actually a different name from like 8 to 13. Given your location shows Mid-West legal age of consent is probably in the neighborhood of 16 though possibly as low as 13 in some areas, not submitted as encouragement but to give perspective.

    If you've been a mentor to her and perceived as a close friend or influence then it sounds like her affection as it develops is defined against you for those reasons. You also have failed to indicate if there are other males that she could be comparing you to, especially given the age closeness. At 18 I am assuming your either a senior in high school or possibly a freshmen at college which adds another dimension of how she might be viewing your while not actually viewing you.

    Then there is the option that her emotional perspective to you is real on her part for 15 and 18 is not that far out of a range for a relationship unless her parents have issues with you. Not saying or suggesting a sexual relationship but age wise it's not to far of a spread when you look to many couples.

    I do wonder about the perceived threat to friendship and such with your friends? The biggest way to keep a gang together was to submarine any relationship that might carry one away from the group and it really is not that uncommon of a practice for males or females. Especially if there is interest by another member of the group towards that potential love interest.

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    Sr. Member Chris the Bold's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    Quote Originally Posted by monsno_leedra View Post
    I'm surprised the notion of "Puppy Love" has not come up here vice pedophilia. Even ignoring the fact pedophilia is usually up to about 13 in age though there is actually a different name from like 8 to 13. Given your location shows Mid-West legal age of consent is probably in the neighborhood of 16 though possibly as low as 13 in some areas, not submitted as encouragement but to give perspective.

    If you've been a mentor to her and perceived as a close friend or influence then it sounds like her affection as it develops is defined against you for those reasons. You also have failed to indicate if there are other males that she could be comparing you to, especially given the age closeness. At 18 I am assuming your either a senior in high school or possibly a freshmen at college which adds another dimension of how she might be viewing your while not actually viewing you.

    Then there is the option that her emotional perspective to you is real on her part for 15 and 18 is not that far out of a range for a relationship unless her parents have issues with you. Not saying or suggesting a sexual relationship but age wise it's not to far of a spread when you look to many couples.

    I do wonder about the perceived threat to friendship and such with your friends? The biggest way to keep a gang together was to submarine any relationship that might carry one away from the group and it really is not that uncommon of a practice for males or females. Especially if there is interest by another member of the group towards that potential love interest.
    Those are all really good thoughts. Honestly last I knew she was seeing someone else, but I'm assuming that changed. In the area I was raised in a difference of more than a year or two at most is usually socially improper for relationships in teens. Mind you there are less than a 1000 people there.

    As for my friends I'm not sure why they responded that way. They are both fairly prudent I suppose, but they've always been open-minded towards me. Neither of them know the girl, I was simply asking their advice about the situation.

  8. #8
    Sr. Member RainbowDemonic's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    Allow me to be very blunt: You have a choice. Stick around the jailbait and raise eyebrows, and potentially get accused of a crime and have to fight for your innocence (assuming you are innocent), or just drop it and get on with your life and get to know people your own age. You're actually raising my eyebrows a little bit with this post. Right off the bat you're like, "Oh I mean, not in an intimate way" and "you know, mentoring" but like, for three years....uhh, okay...? Look, I can't make any judgment either way, but you need to just step away, dude. Hang out with adults. Forget about this chick. Should be easy if she's just someone online to begin with. Remove, block, easy peasy!

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    Dragon Lady Yorin's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    Personally I dont see anything wrong with this-and if I did that would be extremely hypocritical of me. When my husband and I first got together it was 3 days after his 18th birthday and 3 months before my 16th-so we were about 2 years 3 months apart. Granted we weren't doing anything sexual until after I was 17 (personal choice) but we did make the occasional pedo jokes between ourselves.

    If you were just being friendly and mentoring her, then it's REALLY not a big deal. 3 years is only that big of a gap in your mind right now because you're younger. My parents were 14 years apart from each other.

    If you're just wanting to be friends with her, clearly and calmly tell her that and don't let yourself get guilt tripped into trying to do anything with her you don't want to. If she's continuing to not get it, tell her that if she doesn't knock it off, you wont be around anymore.
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  10. #10
    Kick Ass Little Crow Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: What do you guys think?

    I've dated people having a 3 year age difference and it was a little odd but there isn't anything wrong with it really in my opinion. In your situation I think you should stay friends based on your history together and your position as her mentor.
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