Being alone in your path...

[luciferian76]

Well I wanted to discuss about this with some fellow pagans for a long time. I have been on this for some time now. Before that I used to be a New Ager, but the lack of grounding that that path held for me, lead me to explore paganism and connect myself to the Earth. After that I found more grounding elements in Dark Paganism following Hecate and Lucifer.

Now, I have two friends that both are involved in their own paths, one still following a sort of New Age paradigm and the other a more Ancient Greek one.

When I try to talk to them about my path the first finds it too Dark for her taste, and the other even though accepting of the Dark doesn't like the foreign part of it. So, I am a solitary practitioner which even though fine with that to a certain extend, still has the need to communicate his path with close friends even though he knows this is not possible anymore.

So, what are your thoughts and experience on alienation (if any)?

[Aeran]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I can certainly understand, being in a a situation where there is nobody in my life who I can talk to about my practice. It sucks having something which is so huge a part of your life, your daily routine and your worldview that you can't be completely open about with the people around you. The best I've managed is to translate it into more relateable topics: it's hard to talk to a lot of people about magic or spirituality, but not so hard to talk to them about things like meditation, philosophy, etc. You could also try to find a online community based around similar practices and beliefs to your own - this can be hard, since the quality of discussion in a lot of metaphysical forums is abyssmal, but it's worth looking around, even if you don't like the site itself, you might find a few people there you can get in touch with.

You can also look around your local area for people with similar beliefs, this didn't work out for me, since my city is mostly new agers and wiccans, but I'd imagine somewhere like Greece would have a decent pagan scene in the bigger cities.

[Rowanwood]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I'm probably not helpful, but after various different levels of interaction with people of similar mind, I find I'm a lot more healthy and centered spiritually when I DON'T talk about it and am solitary on my path. I look back to my group workings and my pagan moots and what not, and I find that it feels like I was just trying to justify my beliefs to someone, as if that made them more real. Turned out what I thought I believed...I didn't. I was just trying to convince myself via a community that I did. I went through a lot of motions, but had very little true faith.

Now? Now I searched my soul and I found what's truly right for me. Though I still like to discuss aspects of spirituality (hence my recent return to this place) I don't need to justify or prove anything to anyone. I don't need that feedback to know what I believe is right (for me) and is the right place I need to be. My spirituality makes me a better person and gives me strength. That's all I need.

[luciferian76]

Re: Being alone in your path...

Well I agree both of your perspectives on the matter Aeran and Rowanwood. If you want to socialize you need to talk to the language the other one understands. An of course in your attempt to be more sociable you should not compromise your integrity. Maybe an Middle Path approach should make things work a little easier...

[RainbowDemonic]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I've felt the sting of isolation many times in my path, and more so now that my teacher and yes, my lover as well, is being torn away from me by tragedy. I think the justifying thing is true, yes - but beyond that, it's really just the comradery of knowing someone who gets you, who's on the same level, someone you can relate to...someone to quell the loneliness and isolation that comes otherwise. In my case it became romantic but of course I'm talking primarily about friendships here. As humans, we are social creatures. The solitary path is a painful one. But for some reason I find myself returning to it time and time again, even though I don't want to and I never did. When we are born, we are naked and screaming and confused. When we die, we die alone. It is depressing, but somehow, staring into that abyss sometimes seems to awaken something inside of me. Stripped of all support, something else begins to grow. As loneliness tears our hearts out, some of us inexplicably become stronger. Sometimes I think some of the most potent magic happens in such times.

I don't really know, though. It's hard for me too. Anyone who says it isn't is lying to you or trying to save face. If nothing else, know that loneliness is shared among many. No matter how lonely, none of us are ever truly alone. And like everything else in life, this too shall pass. I'm certain you'll find someone you can relate to. Maybe it will just take a bit of time.

[luciferian76]

Re: Being alone in your path...

Well said RainbowDemonic. I agree with you that we are social beings. Of course from time to time you NEED to be alone to grow futher but at the same time there are times you need companions on your path to share and get strength.

[Gardenia]

Re: Being alone in your path...

It's hard for me too. Anyone who says it isn't is lying to you or trying to save face.

Really...? Because I have no reason to lie here (I could just not reply), and I don't feel there's any reputation loss in saying that I am a solitary by choice, and loneliness has rarely been an issue for me. I have not found being solitary to be painful. I have not found it to be the harder route. I'm sure there are some who do, and I feel for them, but for me? It's how I prefer to practice. I'm living in an area where I do not have to be solitary (we have several active groups, of various sizes), but I am, because that is what works for me. I've done the non-solitary thing before, tired a few different non-solitary approaches... and made the decision to return to a solitary path each time. I don't practice with others, and I don't discuss my religion with my SO, friends, or family... and I don't really care to.

I found being more active in an offline community, or within a specific tradition, came with a lot of people who had a sort of "Keeping up with the Joneses" mindset. I even found myself slipping into that on occasion, too. Like practicing things for the wrong reasons, guilt for not doing x or Y, and instead doing Z, and all that sort of thing. Not pursuing something due to worrying about what others will think of it. There were always a lot of little issues (which added up), which I just don't have to worry about in my practice now.

Now yes, sometimes I do like to discuss elements of my practice with others, or see what others are doing in their own practices... but, that's why I'm here. However, I have zero desire to become more active in an offline community. I just found it to be much too draining, and I know not everyone feels that way - lots of people find large benefits in group practice, or belonging to a community, etc - but it goes the other way, too. Some find more benefit in being alone, and having much looser networks to occasionally check in on.

[Rowanwood]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I have to agree strongly with Gardenia. I'm certainly not lying that I feel no desire to practice the ins and outs of my faith with anyone else. I have had much opportunity for community faith, and I didn't enjoy it at all.

Not everyone is the same. It's the beauty of paganism that you don't have to be either. I like to chat about my faith online, but that's more than enough interaction to fill up my hermit level of need.

If you want a community? They are out there. And if you can't find one? Start your own. But don't assume you need one just because someone told you that you do.

[anubisa]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I agree with Rowanwood. I know I am a solitary wiccan as well and I know there are other egyptian wiccans out there, I prefer to be alone because I feel I have more of a connection to my deities. You probably can find more practitioners on the internet or as Rowanwood said start your own. Good luck hon.

[luciferian76]

Re: Being alone in your path...

Well what I wanted to say in the first place is the need to have someone to talk to. Because I have experienced groups being a New Ager in the past, I am really fed up with them and I understant how the ones that don't do groups feel like. But the need to share (only share) is still there...

[Gleb]

Re: Being alone in your path...

Well what I wanted to say in the first place is the need to have someone to talk to. Because I have experienced groups being a New Ager in the past, I am really fed up with them and I understant how the ones that don't do groups feel like. But the need to share (only share) is still there...

I support the comments above - you can join a group or create your own; but if you want to share things one-on-one, you can share them with many members here.

[Gardenia]

Re: Being alone in your path...

Well what I wanted to say in the first place is the need to have someone to talk to. Because I have experienced groups being a New Ager in the past, I am really fed up with them and I understant how the ones that don't do groups feel like. But the need to share (only share) is still there...

And it's understandable to want that. I think for many the internet is a good place for that - there's pagan forums, pagan focused social networking sites, blogs/vlogs, and all that. Plus, online you often have access to a much larger variety of people with all sorts of practices/beliefs, making it easier to find people who might be a bit more similar to you to talk with. It may not be ideal for everyone, lots of folks do want that real world contact, but it can at least fill that gap a little bit at times.

[Raphaeline]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I think I can understand where you're coming from. I actually have been working the past couple of days on a blog post on this exact topic.

I started out as a Wiccan about fourteen years ago, then identified as an eclectic Pagan for years after that. I consider myself more of a Pagan polytheist now. I've never let go of the "Pagan" label because I feel that throughout that time, it fits me. But the local Pagan community, my (IRL) friends included, tend to identify as Witches, although many have interests in the metaphysical (ghost hunting, psychic abilities, etc.), New Age beliefs (such as healing crystals and the like) and many have a Wiccan influence that I'm not sure they even notice (every single Pagan I know, even as an acquaintance or a friend of a friend, calls the elements and draws a circle for any ritual, and many accept the "Lord and Lady" concept).

So while I might have had something in common with them in my years as "eclectic", my practice mostly involves working with the gods, and I have almost nothing in common with them anymore. We can celebrate the Solstices and Equinoxes together, but that's about it. And I suspect they feel as weird when I start talking about conversations with Dionysos as I do when they talk about faeries or past lives.

I wish I could offer advice! I'm kind of in the same position myself. I have been thinking that it might be best to keep my work private for a while and see what happens, because I also suspect I'm feeling a little self-conscious because of that awkwardness. I don't think my friends would intentionally judge me for my religious life - in fact, they often try to support me by attending festivals I host for Dionysos and things like that - but because of how I grew up having to defend my beliefs all the time, I think I'm still a little sensitive to that kind of thing.

[luciferian76]

Re: Being alone in your path...

I there a like button anywhere, cause I wish to hit 'like' to all of your wonderful responses...

[monsno_leedra]

Re: Being alone in your path...

.. So, what are your thoughts and experience on alienation (if any)?

Hopefully this makes sense if not I apologize in advance.

For me my walk has been like being on a roller coaster. There are points on the ride where I am alone and suffer the darkness as the ride plunges down into the free falls or shoots into the dark caverns where light and sound is reflected back and almost crushers you. While in them your all alone even if someone is actually sitting next to you on the ride. Other times your on the part of the ride that seems to drag forever as you sit ideally by. You have people who ride with you but they are as much in the dark as you are at the time. You long for the peak where the ride is going to fill you full of elation and charge your very essence. Speaking to anyone and everyone that can ride with you, give you a clue about what might be coming and helping you grasp or comprehend what is about to occur. Yet you have to wait for the time and movement to push you to that point. Frustrated as you think it takes to long or frustrated as you can't see the next peak. Then there is the high that envelopes you as your finally rising over the ridge and you know the long plunge and excitement are about to spring to life. Once again people don't matter in reality for you've slide into the mystical side of things and await the revelations that are to come. To send you hurling down into the rush as every aspect of your spiritual life is charged and playing out in real time before you. Yet there is a sadness as well for deep down you know the rush will only last for so long before you either dive into the caverns and tunnels or you have to coast along on the flats before something again will occur on your ride.

Companions on the ride with you are actually few and far between for most of us for the ride is about the mystical and connection to the divine and spirit. It is about enlightenment of the self and finding our own inner strengths and facing our own inner weaknesses. To face the dark night of the soul as many times as it takes, all alone while we do it. Yet its not just facing them but overcoming them and coming out the other side a stronger person whether that strength is in spirit, mental, spiritual or a combination of aspects. There are many times conductors or those who control the ride along the way to tell us to pull in our arms and legs and sit upright in our seats but they as a norm are more outside observers than actual participants on the ride with us.

Even as we ride our own ride we are both passenger and guide to those who observe us and speak to us as our car goes racing by the platform or hangs in that apparent un-moving period of level movements. Yet we forget at times that each of us is on our own ride though for periods of time we may appear to share a car as the track carries us to whatever adventure next awaits us on the coaster run. That and I think at times we get so lost in the immediate aspect of the ride occurring about us that we loose the larger picture. We are lost in the dark caverns and dropping slopes for we focus upon the present and either forget or ignore that for each down their will be an up, for each furious pace there will be a period of slowness.